Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if young women make you feel sad too

177 replies

VogueVVague · 28/05/2018 09:34

So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.

But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.

I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.

I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.

And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.

Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.

Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 28/05/2018 13:12

I'm like a PP - it makes me happy to see them, don;t know why - something to with the continuity of life and they attractiveness of the young I suppose - they haven;t yet acquired the world weary air or scepticism that I have !!

gamerwidow · 28/05/2018 13:19

When I see young girls I think ‘oh look at that pretty young thing starting out in the world I wonder if she’s got any idea of the fun she’s got ahead of her’.
I love seeing young girls getting out there and enjoying their best life. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at them and felt sad for myself because I don’t compete with other women, never have. I certainly couldn’t give a shiny shit about how men see me, I always found their attention tiresome when I was younger it’s a relief not to be able to go out and enjoy a conversation with my mates without having to entertain some random bloke trying to butt in with his nonsense all the time.

Lilacwine1 · 28/05/2018 13:31

I know exactly what you mean OP. At nineteen you are falling in and out of lust love every other week. Nothing beats that feeling of confidence that youth gives you. I have had the exact same reaction, as a very pretty girl has walked into the room, you feel invisible.

RainySeptember · 28/05/2018 13:46

Looking back though, to being a young mum in my early 20s, I can definitely remember being envious of women in their 30s. Still young and beautiful, but usually also looking financially stable and with their lives, homes and careers all sorted (at least to an outside observer!).

At 31 op, I think you've got a long time before you need to worry about ageing and you don't want to be in your 60s looking back on photos of you in your 30s thinking 'I was bloody young and gorgeous why didn't I make the most of it'.

trickyboots · 28/05/2018 13:55

I get melancholy for time's gone by, but not my youthful looks. Maybe I'm wistful sometimes about life before all the knocks took place- where everyone was still alive and well. I do look at young women and think how lovely they are, all fresh faced and hopeful. I hope that's not being misinterpreted in a pervy or jealous way 😬.

aintnothinbutagstring · 28/05/2018 13:57

I'm 33, I had quite bad acne at 19 but did have a cracking figure. Now its the opposite, I have a lovely complexion!

I remember being 22/23 and admiring the older women (mid 30s/40s) I worked with for their self assuredness and grown up style. They certainly weren't invisible to me. I still admire older women who seem to have their shit together.

PickAChew · 28/05/2018 14:42

Late 40s, can take 5 flights of stairs without breaking a sweat but need a lift to get down again because my knees won't be having any of it.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 28/05/2018 15:25

God yes, knees. I'm a runner & I boost mine up with exercises & Omega 3 capsules. They're fine after 5 flights of stairs but I'm a bit out of breath by the top.

Thirtyrock39 · 28/05/2018 15:29

Happy now in early 40s but am very aware of the passing of time and as a bit of an ugly duckling who swanned quite late (not being full of myself but I was not a pretty teenager! Def found my look more after 25!) I am conscious that I've peaked and am hurtling to middle age . Certain clothes I have to consider if age appropriate And I do worry about getting old

ToPlanZ · 28/05/2018 15:34

Nope they don't make me feel sad, but then my self worth isn't tied to my appearance or how men react to me. Growing up with a very attractive mother and two very very attractive sisters whilst being plain and clever and being constantly told that, a favourite of my mother's being 'men don't make passes at girls that wear classes' allowed me to easily spot the kind of men who are only drawn to women because of their youthful looks and I've made better life choices by being able to spot the men who value women as people.

I do sometimes feel sad at time passing and the realisation that life is finite. I wonder how many times I will see the spring flowers come up. If anything I feel so sorry for young women in this instagram world, I don't know if I could have survived it as a teenager. Embrace who you are now, a man who has his head turned by a bit of smooth skin and perky boobs isn't worth the bother.

Tinycitrus · 28/05/2018 21:43

I love working wuth young people. They have a natural enthusiasm and energy for their work.

Unlike us thick- skinned, cynical old crones who’ve seen it all before Grin

Young women really brighten my day - I remember feeling g really proud of a young colleague who had just bought her own flat. Smile

Gwenhwyfar · 29/05/2018 07:01

"I love working wuth young people. They have a natural enthusiasm and energy for their work. "

Which is why they're a threat to me. I could never keep up.
Different if you've been promoted over the years of course, but depressing if you're at the bottom of the pile. I also had to learn to use a computer in my first job, for them it's something they've known since childhood.

NormskiNamechange · 29/05/2018 07:06

What is with these threads recently about young women? Confused we’ve got this one and I’ve just seen another one asking about men only fancying 19yos.

No, I’m not jealous of younger women. I was a hot mess for most of my young adulthood and have only recently felt a bit more comfortable in my own skin.

TERFousBreakdown · 29/05/2018 07:28

I love working wuth young people. They have a natural enthusiasm and energy for their work.

That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation ... true for some, not so true for a lot of others. I find a lot of young men, in particular, come out of university declaring themselves ready for senior management and ending up decidedly unenthusiastic upon finding out that they're going to start with the grunt work - like generation's of grad trainees before them. Grin

Original poster
VogueVVague · 29/05/2018 07:57

@NormskiNamechange
Except the thread wasnt about jealousy at all. Try reading the actual discussions before chipping in.

OP posts:
lovelyjubilly · 29/05/2018 08:13

When I was 19 I was off backpacking around the world, as free as a bird with the wind in my hair. That I long for again.
I was a horrible person though. That I regret.

ThisisSparta · 29/05/2018 08:24

I agree with what Gamerchick said, especially this bit:

I love seeing young girls getting out there and enjoying their best life. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at them and felt sad for myself because I don’t compete with other women, never have. I certainly couldn’t give a shiny shit about how men see me

OP the only thing that really matters is how you see yourself.

NormskiNamechange · 29/05/2018 08:24

Vogue I’ve read the thread. Thanks though.

Unfortunately what happens when you post on a public forum is that people can respond how they wish.

You can’t prevent people from ‘chipping in’ or impose conditions upon their responses.

I’m sorry younger people make you feel sad. Grin

NormskiNamechange · 29/05/2018 08:24

Oops. Wrong smiley. Smile

Strongmummy · 29/05/2018 08:27

I’m 41 and so look at women at your age in a similar way! I do know what you mean , but as you get older you (hopefully ) become wiser and more confident. I’m lucky in that I still have my looks and get a lot of attention, but that will fade in time and I need to come to terms with that. It’s always more important to focus on building your mind, your wit, your confidence as they’ll be with you for longer.

FindoGask · 29/05/2018 08:33

I used to worry, when I was younger, that when I got older I'd spend all my time wanting to be young again. (I'm that sort of worrier - I like to forward plan my neuroses). But I've just entered my 40s and I honestly don't relate to your OP at all. I feel secure in myself in a way I never did as a twenty something. I've got more lines and grey hairs, but I like the way I look. I've also always been very aware that nothing lasts, and I'm OK with that.

Middleoftheroad · 29/05/2018 08:41

You're only 31 OP! That was a great age for me.

I'm 45 nearly and feel less confident, less independent and less attractive than ever. At 19 and 31 I could take on the world.

At 45 the world takes over me and body is falling apart! I'm less assertive and far less decisive despite this idea that you should grow older, wiser and more confident/higher self esteem.

So enjoy being 31 and in your prime.

malificent7 · 29/05/2018 08:55

I had a newborn at 30 so my 30s were not about looking glam tbh! I did loose lots of weight at about 33 though
..all gained again!

malificent7 · 29/05/2018 08:55

Now I'm 40 I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Mookatron · 29/05/2018 08:58

I haven't read the thread but it upsets me when I realise that I thought men were interested in me as a person when I was 19 but now at 42 I realise men have only ever been interested in talking to me because they would fuck me if they could. Now they wouldn't they don't even pretend to be interested (in what I say - the not wanting to fuck me is a-okay with me).