To ask if young women make you feel sad too

[VogueVVague]

So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.

But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.

I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.

I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.

And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.

Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.

Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.

I agree with pp, 50s is when things start to fall apart.

Menopause and subsequent difficulties maintaining weight and energy levels, greying hair, wrinkles and just suddenly feeling 'old' because you can now go on a Saga holiday or buy a property in a retirement complex.

I admire those people who see things to value in ageing. They're not wrong, there are certainly benefits to ageing but, for me, the increased wisdom/confidence/financial security do not outweigh the energy and sheer daily fun of being young, looking in the mirror and knowing you look fabulous, a lifetime of possibility ahead of you.

I am so so so much happier over 40. I look back and realise how much time and energy was wasted avoiding men. How every outfit was chosen to repel them and get them to leave me alone. Its so freeing being invisible

Maybe he just preferred her look and it was nothing to do with age?

40's = becoming completely invisible to men. Didn't believe it until it happened to me. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't, (mainly when I'm being barged aside attempting to board a train).

I have a 6 pack size 10 and take stairs two at at time.

52 here. I have a wobbly tummy, am a size 12 and my knees hurt when I go upstairs.

Wouldn't want to be 19 again, but 39 would be OK.

I'm in my 40's and love it. I can spot a fake friend a mile off, I'm off Facebook and all that shit and I don't feel the need to justify my worth by the number of likes I get or the number of men who might find me attractive. I have finally, in my 40s, found my self worth and happiness in my own skin.

I wouldn't want to be 19 again. Student days were awful. Way too much spare time to spend ruminating and getting depressed and too much pressure to be popular - it was socially unacceptable to go anywhere alone.
Mid twenties were good.
I don't recognise this 30s at your peak thing and definitely not that the 40s are great. I've just turned 41 and I'm so tired and finding everything really hard with nothing to look forward to. I was always ugly, but now I'm middle aged and ugly rather than young and ugly. I'm the oldest person where I work. That really is shit.

Whenever I read or hear things like this, I am genuinely grateful that I have never been flawlessly beautiful and men never really prompted jaw-dropping admiration in strange men. Nothing to mourn here!

I am, however, definitely happier and more confident now and have marginally better dress sense.

I'm in my mid forties now and when I met a young man or woman now I feel slightly aw, they have it all in front of them, all the joys and sorrows that you encounter on the way to getting to my age. I go to a further education college and there are obviously loads of young people there, all busily working and studying to be chefs or hairdressers or engineers. I feel vaguely proud of them all in a I'm old enough to be your mum kind of way. I have my own 18 year old so I guess that's some of it. I don't envy them at all, I'm much happier now. I was born to be in my mid forties!

I realise the above makes me sound ancient but I don't care!

I'm 54 and falling to bits... but happy enough.

19 year old dewy beauty only ever belonged to a few anyhow - it took shedloads of primping and preening to achieve that "natural" look of youth...

OP, you're only 31!!

I'm late 40s and you seem young to me!

At 31 I looked pretty identical to how I did when I was 19 but had a better figure. And a DH and a perfect DD and another on the way.

Nothing would have made me want to go back to being 19! I turned far more heads at 31 than at 19, purely on a looks comparison. But more than that, I was much happier in myself.

I do understand what you're talking about op I had this feeling fleetingly a couple of years ago when I bumped into a mum of an ex bf, (I hadn't seen her for over ten years) I wasn't feeling too fabulous that day and I had my little ones with me so was a bit frazzled too! I remember feeling so sad that she'd probably go home and tell me ex that I looked haggard and crap.
Looking back I think what she probably thought was how lovely my little boys were and how grown up I was compared to the silly girl I once was, and I bet she was also envious because she has no grandchildren and I know she wanted them.

@MrsRyanGosling15 aw, don't waste your 30s fearing getting older there are great things about it. My knees might hurt and I might have a wobbly tummy now I'm in my 50s, but I have a lot more inner peace and worry much less about irrelevant shit. Also I have friends who haven't made it this far.

One draw back to not being 19 is the fact that it takes me about a week to recover from a big boozy night out these days.
An all night rave would probably leave me incapacitated for several months so I've resorted to watching Glastonbury on the tele.

Enjoy your 30s and 40s OP. Judging from the comments on here, it all goes to shit in your mid 50s.

"Whenever I read or hear things like this, I am genuinely grateful that I have never been flawlessly beautiful and men never really prompted jaw-dropping admiration in strange men. Nothing to mourn here! "

Well, I've always been unattractive, but in my twenties still got attention from men just because of my youth, mainly from middle aged men. Now, it's like I'm not a woman at all.

I don't feel wistful. When I see someone young I feel that they're lucky to have all that life offers in front of them BUT I don't envy them all the crap that goes with it. That's always been the case, hasn't it?

I feel that things are so much worse now. Knife crime, drugs, quite apart from the usual young worries about not having the perfect face, body, clothes etc. I'm glad not to be a part of that anymore.

I do parkour up the banisters.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. I have flashes of the same thing.

I understand mourning the passage of time to some extent.
At the same time I am happier now than I have ever been although regularly astounded that I am nearing fifty.
I look back at photos where I had dewy skin etc and just think wow I never even realised. I was depressed and taken advantage of and would never want to go back to that.
I don't feel envy of the young and don't normally see dewy skin on women because they are wearing makeup.
It's more scary thinking I am in the second half of my life and becoming aware of my own mortality. Healthy diet, exercise etc have become more of a priority but for health reasons, not so much appearance, though that is still a factor.
I very much like the lack of pressure to present myself in a certain way now I'm older. I feel much freer.

The sadness I feel for 19 year olds, female or male, is for all the rubbish and worse they have to put up with on social media, and that they may never be able to afford a home of their own.

I'm 36, very soon 37, and I still look 19 (or thereabouts).

People never believe how old I actually am and always say they thought I'm early 20's.

Weirdly I think most of the people I went to (primary and secondary) school with are the same, no one has seemed to age much and most all look like they are in their twenties.

I wouldn't want to be 19 again though, I certainly think the last few years have been the best re: confidence and giving a toss what other ppl think wise.

Your in the best decade, enjoy it to the full. Wait till you're in your 60's, that's when you can start to feel invisible....if you let yourself, I don't!

I agree it’s bittersweet. Because I find a lot of women at that age are absolutely beautiful but they don’t have the confidence or feel good about their looks. That confidence and comfort in your own skin comes with age normally, but by then your looks are going!

I look at young women and just hope they realise how lovely they really are and make the most of their youth (not just looks wise but experience and education and work wise too).

I'd like my metabolism back from that age but otherwise no!

The old saying is so true.....youth is wasted on the young. They don't realise how fleeting youth really is!