To ask if young women make you feel sad too

[VogueVVague]

So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.

But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.

I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.

I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.

And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.

Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.

Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.

I was quite relieved when I hit my 30s and people stopped infantilising me.

I take stairs 15 at a time.

I sometimes wish I could go back to my early 20's but with the confidence that I have gained since turning 40. I'm 46 now. I'm still attractive to older guys . I wasn't at all confident in my 20's or 30's and I made poor choices.
31 is young. I know its easy for me to say that and I'm not dismissing how you feel. But its not all bad news. I'm happier than I've ever been and I think I'm a nicer person too.

I think it's a case of rose tinted glasses OP. Being 19 isn't all a bed of roses with people falling under your charm if they so much as looked at you
Yes, it was a blast. I mean I had very little responsibility. I could stay out partying for 2 days for example.

If I think back though, being 19 was a very uncertain time for me. I didn't have the confidence I have now, didn't really know where my life was heading, I let men walk all over me.
Naivety can be quite attractive but with knowledge comes power.

I’m 26 and weirdly I’m starting to feel like that - maybe because I’m in a weird in between stage, in a serious relationship but not engaged and have no kids yet. Everyone seems to be younger than me and look better and I just think how much I wasted my youth, how unhappy I was and if I could go back I would change so much..but at the same time I’m looking forward to the future and all it will bring.

44 is quite a relief.

I’m physically fit andhealthy. I have an inner confidence that comes with age and experience. I don’t believe anyone has the answers any more. You see through bullshit now - particularly at work. I expect men to listen to me and take me seriously. And they do.
I still get attention from men - but it’s not that important to me anymore.

You are 30 - there’s a long way to go yet.

I'd like to be me with my younger body, I've broken this one.

@UpstartCrow

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties
Yes, I DO feel quite powerful!

I think it's easy to romanticise youth. Most people at 19 were uncertain and awkward and insecure. I remember that feeling well! And I also think I'm better looking now at 30 than I was at 19.

I'm sure at 50 we will look back wistfully at 30...

I look at the 19 year olds I know and do envy the paths they have available to them. They arent scared of reaching for opportunities (albeit often parent funded ) that I would have never even contemplated eg Uni overseas, diverse careers, travel. They’re almost like toddlers in that run through the wall rather than open the door approach, they don’t have fear. It’s true they sometimes have the conversational range of a mop though

I wouldn't mind going back to my early/mid 20s as they were when I was actually that age.

I wouldn't want to be a young woman now though. I find the influence social media has had on how the current generation of young women value their worth, their sexuality, their mental health and their eyebrows absolutely terrifying.

I have been trying to think back when I was 19 but... well, I have always had the gift of the gab but I am definitely more charming now in my early 30s.

Not just because I am more attractive (I was perkily pretty then, but my looks have always been striking and I have grown into them) but because I am wittier, kinder, nicer and more interesting. I can charm someone much faster than I could in my teens.

Maybe when I am older I will mourn my youth but right now, I love my life and feel fantastic. I couldn't say that when I was 19.

40s are good too Vogue.

@pastabest
I agree. Luckily i just missed the teenage social media thing (FB arrived when i was at uni). It must be really difficult.

I really do not feel that.

I think I understand where you come from. Youth has a charm and freshness that is very captivating. It is hard to look away from that exuberance of life. Like my dad says, "even donkeys look cute when they are little"
In your forties everything falls apart. Do not believe anyone who says 40 is the new blah blah.. Liars each one of them

Oh to be 31 again! Wait til you get to 50.

I'm hoping someone in their 70s is going to come on and say 'oh to be 50 again'

I get what you are saying but you are never going to be as young again as you are right now!

Not really, it makes me happy to see them and admire their loveliness!

But my looks were never really important to me. Blokes seldom paid me much attention sexually, and didn't mind that, so I've never felt much of a loss if I'm not as 'cute' any more.

I don't envy the nineteen year olds their highlighter.....or their eyebrows

I'm mid 40's and feel confident in my own skin and confident enough to be me if that makes sense. There's less worry about what others think and more enjoyment of the small blessings in life, living in the moment and not sweating the small stuff.

That said, my children are all teenagers so the worry of them starting out on the road to adulthood is ageing me considerably.

I am in my fifties, fit, attractive, happy life blah, blah, blah.

Like the OP I feel pangs of regret for the youth and freshness I will never have again and the opportunities that I missed, the chances I didn't take.

Oscar Wilde said 'youth is wasted on the young' and I couldn't agree more. When I was young I was so focussed on being sensible, building a career, becoming financially secure etc. that I didn't enjoy myself nearly enough.

I am now trying to convince my very staid husband that we should be travelling and seeing the world now. I don't want to make the same mistake again and look back when I am in my seventies and think I didn't fully enjoy my middle age!

My DDs are 20 and 25. I get a lot of pleasure watching them in all their youthful loveliness finding their way in the world. But i wouldn't want to go back there. I also wouldn't want my 30's again - small children - no thanks! Actually i think in my mid 50s i am calm, happy and at one with who i am and have no real wistfulness for the past at all.

I’m really looking forward to my thirties. My teenage years and early twenties were disastrous for a few reasons and I’ve spent this decade working on pulling it around. I feel much more confident and happy in my skin and with who I am now than when I as 19, that’s for certain

Well Speakout and OP i take the lift.