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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked 17 year old out all night

282 replies

BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 08:58

Had many issues with DS (17), drugs, binge drinking, Theft, violence - basically just being a wrong un.

I've had every service imaginable in to try and help him, social services, drug liaison, police, youth justice, cahms - nothing has helped.

We have a rule that he must be in by 11 otherwise the doors get locked. He breaks this rule constantly and often comes in around 11.30 - 12am. The reason the rule is there is because sometimes he doesn't come home all night meaning the doors are unlocked all night, plus he's been known to sneak his mates in during the night (homeless drug dealing mates, not little Johnny from around the corner) and he sneaks about the house stealing.

So anyway, last night it's 11.40pm and I text him asking where he was. He replied that he'd missed "the shitty last bus" so didn't know what time he would be home but instructed me to leave the house unlocked for when he did arrive. I refused. He sent more messages saying he "wasn't being a cunt on purpose" etc etc and that I was paranoid about the house and it was ridiculous. I sent a final message saying "be in by 12am otherwise the door is getting locked and I'm going to bed". Had no reply so did just that.

WIBU to do so? Sounds awful but I look forward to the day he says he's moving out completely. It's so stressful having him here.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 28/05/2018 09:05

11 seems early for a 17 year old to be home. Can I ask why doesn't he have a key?

Original poster
BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 09:07

It's 11 because we go to bed soon after 11 and he can't be trusted to lock up and be quiet. He doesn't have a key because he treats the house like a hostel for his druggie homeless mates. I know for a fact he and his mate burgled their other mates house, if he had a key I imagine him getting it cut for his mate and all sorts. He's lost all of our trust unfortunately.

OP posts:
firehousedog · 28/05/2018 09:07

Do you have an idea of where he might have stayed the night?

Lethaldrizzle · 28/05/2018 09:07

Surely he should be able to let himself in

ghostyslovesheets · 28/05/2018 09:07

Reading the op it’s kind of obvious why he doesn’t have a key

Have you posted about him before op it all sounds familiar - and hard for you

BastardGoDarkly · 28/05/2018 09:07

Not unreasonable at all in the circumstances.

And I wouldn't give the little scrote a key either op.

I'm sorry, this must be so tough on you Flowers

Badbadtromance · 28/05/2018 09:08

He needs a key

PonderLand · 28/05/2018 09:08

I'm assuming he doesn't have a key because he took the piss with it? I don't think you did anything wrong, he knew what the repercussions would be so he should of planned his time better.

Have you heard from him today? Does he have a job or go to college?

PotteringAlong · 28/05/2018 09:09

I know for a fact he and his mate burgled their other mates house,

Then report them to the pilice

Original poster
BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 09:09

He can't have a key, his best mate is a drug dealer, I don't particularly want either of them here but with DS I have no choice, but he's certainly not getting a key.

OP posts:
numptynuts · 28/05/2018 09:11

He needs a key

No he doesn't. He needs to EARN a key.

firehousedog · 28/05/2018 09:11

In all honesty I would enroll him up to the army or something. Anything that will get him away from this bad crowd and will knock some maturity into him.

GoForthSon · 28/05/2018 09:11

Reading the op it’s kind of obvious why he doesn’t have a key

Exactly this. I'd just keep doing what you're doing and sticking to what you said.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/05/2018 09:11

He doesn't need a key. The OP has said why he doesn't have one.

Yanbu OP. I don't know the answers sorry but it sounds bloody awful for you.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 28/05/2018 09:12

Your son's robbing people's houses
Police and eviction surely

Original poster
BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 09:13

I tried to get him in the army, he got as far as the interview and decided not to go ahead with it.

He's doing a traineeship which is one day a week at college. He's behind with all his work and doesn't turn up some weeks, therefore can't get a work placement.

I've almost given up to be honest. I've resigned myself to the fact that he'll have to work it all out himself when he eventually matures. He's exhausted me.

OP posts:
PonderLand · 28/05/2018 09:14

@firehousedog I don't think the British army works like that.

Midthreademergencynamechange · 28/05/2018 09:14

So what is your aibu again? You won't give your son a key and you won't leave the house unlocked all night. There isn't an aibu here.

TimeToDash · 28/05/2018 09:15

You could make it later - 11.30 to meet him halfway? What a horrendous situation, must be really stressful Sadwhat does he do, is he still in school or at college?

Original poster
BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 09:15

Well clearly the AIBU is whether I'm right in doing these things!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 28/05/2018 09:15

The chances are he will end up in prison and be forced to make some choices about how he leads his life. You have done all you can and he needs to work it out for himself now.

firehousedog · 28/05/2018 09:16

@Ponder - I know someone who's son was very immture and in with the wrong crowd and they sent him off to the navy. Did him the world of good and came out a man. Yes they need to get past entry and stuff but its worth a shot.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/05/2018 09:16

I doubt moving the time would help. He'd probably just come home later still.

Original poster
BreadOfJesus · 28/05/2018 09:16

It used to be midnight, we'd wait up for him but he just came in at 1am etc. I'm sick of pandering to him. Now it's 11 because I want to go to bed at a reasonable time so I can get up for work the next day. A concept he's not familiar with unfortunately.

OP posts:
greenvalleys · 28/05/2018 09:17

In all honesty I would enroll him up to the army or something. Anything that will get him away from this bad crowd and will knock some maturity into him.
I agree with this, that's if the army would have him. The selection process isn't easy.