To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

[NapQueen]

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

YANBU. How horrid of DH to spoil your lovely birthday plans

Text MIL! Say - I can’t get hold of DH right now but he texted to say you need a sofa moving tomorrow? DH has DS in the morning 10-2 because I’ve got birthday plans so can it be after 3pm tomorrow?

YANBU, that's really thoughtless and nasty. I'd have no issue ringing MIL and explaining the situation.

As an aside it's my birthday tomorrow too!

In fact yes - call her. Either your DH can help later on or not at all.

Yeh that’s mean, you had plans already in place. He can move the sofa on Sunday.

YANBU and happy birthday for tomorrow.

I’d ring her too and I wouldn’t ask I’d tell her when he’s available to do help with the move.

He’s an arse for changing plans on you.

That's ridiculous! I would be furious.

Call Mil and explain you have morning plans and it will have to be done in the afternoon

Totally reasonable of you to contact MIL and say there must be a mix-up, as DH won't be free at that time. Say you're happy for him to do it another time over the weekend. Enjoy your birthday!

I wouldnt go via MIL its not her fault. Its not ok for your DH to pull out of plans with you - and dump the responsibility for ds. Treat him like a grown up & expect him to resolve the problem & stick to the original plan. I'd phone him and ask if he'd forgotten he has ds and what is he going to do about it as you cant have ds for him

Can mil watch your son whilst your husband and friend move the sofa?

Doesn't take 3 people to move a couch. Can't DS hangout with his grandma?

What are you going to say your son has been very naughty and he never asked me if it was ok ? Your husband is a grown man and father and you don't trust him to move a couch and watch 3 year old ? You know these posters who are telling you to text are taking the piss don't you ?

I would presume he was taking DS2 with him, why wouldn't he?

Just had a call from dh, he was dashing between classes and saw my text.

Asked him why he has made plans with mil tomorrow when Ive already agreed with him some other stuff. He said "I didnt think you would mind, itll be a 20min job". It takes 20 min just to get to MILs house in the car! Let alone moving furniture and then waiting for mil to be able to drop him back again.

He said "ill take ds then" but again hasnt checked with mil if thats ok - for all we know she is moving boxes etc.

He also said "my mam never asks for a favour" to which I replied "Im not saying dont help her, just tell her you have plans in the morning can you come do it later afternoon or sunday?"

He said "remind me what the plans are with you tomorrow?" 《Raaaaaaage!!》

So ended up he agreed to calling his mam and rearranging and me sort of tearing into him for being so bloody thoughtless and presenting it to me as a done deal no checking.

MrsJayy has it

Assuming he's a grown up. He needs to tell her himself. Anything else is ridiculous.

YANBU. H has done to do that too. Created many arguments....

Why is it your MIL’s responsibility to sort out. Speak to your husband!

Xpost.

That’s why we have a calendar where e erything goes.
If it’s not in the calendar, it doesn’t t happen.
That means that in a case like yours, the time with friends would be there and then up to him to organise himself. He couldn’t actually say ‘remind me. What you are doing??’

Oh grow up. Your husband is doing something helpful for his mother which shouldn't take that long and you are put out because it might interfere with your birthday plans which consist of being at home and watching the TV! I am sure you and the other adults you have invited over can manage one 3yo between you for an hour or so.

Also it seems a bit weird to want to celebrate your birthday by essentially telling your husband and one of your children to go out for the day so they don't bother you!

YY to the calendar in future. Glad it's sorted - have a lovely birthday!

See lemonsandlimes123 post above.

Has he always been a thoughtless idiot or is this a new development in your marriage?

From the fact that despite prompting he still can't remember the plans you had made he sounds like a self-absorbed, self-centred arse.