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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:
happystory · 18/05/2018 09:38

I don't think YABU. He should do it later in the day. Some mean people on here.

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 09:39

I still think you should text the MIL. You need to tell her that if she requires any favours in the future she needs to run them past you first in case it slightly puts you out for an hour or so.

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 09:40

Why are you making this such a drama?

Why can't DH go to his mothers in your car- you're not going to be using it?

Yes it was thoughtless of him to make plans but he probably didn't put 2 and 2 together and connect it ceased with your birthday at first.

I can't honestly believe you even considered ringing your MIL to tell her your DH can't help.

liz70 · 18/05/2018 09:40

Lemonandlimes post says it all for me.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 18/05/2018 09:41

I agree with you OP. Id be pissed off. Given that its 4 hours out of a whole weekend when you had asked him to do something for you for your birthday and hes decided to do something else in that exact time without consulting you. Just really disrespectful of your time.

Dunno what right other posters have to judge what you want to do for your birthday!?! Fact of the matter is you had agreed it with him and for only 4 hrs of one day. Not unreasonable. And yet hes just decided something else is more important without even running it by you.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 09:42

and you now want to phone your mil to tell her off

Dunno where you got this from. When I started the thread I couldnt get hold of dh so asked shoudl I contact mil to say dh is busy then can it be rearranged.

I dont need to do that as dh has been in touch.

OP posts:
Davros · 18/05/2018 09:43

OP YANBU. Have a good birthday and lots of 🇬🇧 fun

Lunde · 18/05/2018 09:44

YANBU

OverTheHedgeHammy · 18/05/2018 09:44

Why the hell should she cope with the DC when she had already arranged not to?!

Bloody hell. All the martyrs have come out the woodwork again.

There is a whole weekend available to help.

A royal wedding, on your actual birthday, is a one off event. Good on you OP for having a bit of fun with it.

There is a lot of weekend left for your DH to help is DM out. I can't stand it when people ask for 'help' but are very demanding on exactly how and when you help them. You want some help, you need to be a bit flexible with it.

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 09:46

But it wasn't up to you to do that your husband is taking your son with him and this isn't good enough for you, your son and husband are still going out tomorrow so your plans are still the same you didn't need to involve your mil.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2018 09:46

I have to say that watching the wedding with friends and nice things to eat sounds like fun-and I am a rabid republican but I still want to see the frocks and heckle from the sidelines.
If he's taking ds to help move the sofa I don't see the problem. Unless he is generally an arse.

FuckPants · 18/05/2018 09:48

Fuck me, all this drama over nothing.

Are you stressed or something? I'm just trying to think why you have reacted like this.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 18/05/2018 09:48

I really don't know why the OP is getting a bashing here as she isn't being precious at all. Her DH, knowing the plans were in place as her birthday treat, should have double checked before agreeing and presenting it as a done deal. Yes it is a mistake and no one is perfect and we're all human etc, but at the same time we're allowed to feel pissed off when things like this happen.

OP isn't being THAT DIL by telling her DH that he can't help his Mum at all, she is simply asking for it to be deferred by an hour or two so that everyone can have their cake and eat it.

OP You're not being unreasonable at all, my DH and I had something similar in that my friend asked me to do something that would mean I am away for DH's birthday. Instead of immediately agreeing, I did the adult thing of running it past him first. No one got upset and we worked it out like adults! As it is, my friend is going through a lot of horrible stuff at the moment so my DH agreed that I should support her that particular weekend.

KarmaStar · 18/05/2018 09:51

agree with lemon and limes,he would be done in an hour and you could extend your viewing until 3pm?
If he was off to the pub that's different but he just agreed to move one heavy sofa for his mum.

Racecardriver · 18/05/2018 09:53

My husband had this problem. He promises too much to too many people and is constantly laying people down. It wouldn't be an issue if he only promised what he could do and did it. He is very helpful to a lot of people but because he is too keen to please he has become unreliable. Nobody feels like they can trust him to do what he says he will even though he does so most of it eventually. It's not a question of what he does or doesn't do to help, it is just very unpleasant to not be able to trust him to do what he says when he says.

HomeisbytheBay · 18/05/2018 09:53

Wtf is wrong with some people? Can't you read?

OP hasn't 'made a drama' or wants to phone MIL to 'tell her off'. OP is annoyed that her DH has made other plans when they already had an arrangement together. Not only that but he didn't ask her and was then unreachable when she wanted to talk about it. Being annoyed isn't making drama, it's being human.

Some of.you seriously need to stop making assumptions too. It's MILs friend who is moving and not all MIL are elderly and easily traumatised! Mine is 46 and hard as nails!

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 09:54

Moving the sofa in the afternoon is probably going to cause a problem- you'd want to get big items in first.

It's really not a massive issue but it seems the OP is determined to make it so.

I really didn't understand the 'for all we know MIL will be moving boxes' when DH suggested he took DS.

Of course she'll be moving boxes- she's moving house but it's not like she couldn't stop for 20 minutes to watch her DGS.

Shiftymake · 18/05/2018 09:54

MrsJayy, she hasn't involved her mil though, she managed to get hold of her DH in the end. I understand where the OP is coming from, it's her birthday and there was plans made. What he did was disrespectful, doesn't matter if the plans was for OP to sit in a hottub lala-ing away with a cuppa and a good book, off hiking in the mountains or in this case, having friends over and watching a wedding. It is her birthday, this was planned a long time and he has been reminded of it plenty of times.

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 18/05/2018 09:55

Still with you OP.

Mazirah · 18/05/2018 09:56

Definitely not being unreasonable. I think your birthday plans sound lovely! And I’d also be annoyed if my husband disregarded my birthday plans.

What you choose to do for your birthday is up to you. My ideal birthday would be a night alone in a travel inn without husband and kids watching Netflix and having a takeaway.

Hope he sticks to his word and your plans are not affected.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 09:56

Just seen your other thread. You do come off as quite highly strung and dramatic about not very much.
Enjoy your birthday Wine

Juells · 18/05/2018 09:57

The longer something has been planned the more likely it is to be forgotten by everyone but you Grin

ineedaholidaynow · 18/05/2018 09:59

I don't understand why OP is getting a bashing either. Unless I have read it wrong, her DH didn't make a mistake/forget. He agreed to help MIL knowing the birthday party was on, but thought as it wouldn't take too long, DS would stay at home until the job was done. The whole point of OP asking DH to go out was to take DS as he wouldn't enjoy the party, so DH going out to help MIL is going totally against what he originally agreed with OP

OP was then wondering whether she should contact MIL to see if she could rearrange (not have a go or refuse to let DH go) as she couldn't contact DH at the time. All perfectly reasonable to me

PrimalLass · 18/05/2018 10:00

Also it seems a bit weird to want to celebrate your birthday by essentially telling your husband and one of your children to go out for the day so they don't bother you!

It really doesn't.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 10:01

What other thread? The one where I ask, lightheatedly, if other have lots planned for today abd other posters have replied saying yep this this and this and we can all chivvy one another along?

OP posts:
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