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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:
Sunisshining12 · 18/05/2018 11:21

My DH does stuff like this all the time, isn’t it normal?! He’s always forgetting stuff especially plans & events! I just let it go over my head, no big deal, just the way he is. Doesn’t sound like there was any malice on your DH behalf, don’t let little things wind you up, it can be sorted

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 11:23

It's my birthday tomorrow too and if DH had done this I'd be really upset

Would you have rung the MIL though?

PorkyPortia · 18/05/2018 11:23

the fact that he disregarded your birthday plans and assumed you wouldn't mind is annoying

I don't understand why people on here are being so nasty
YANBU

FindoGask · 18/05/2018 11:31

Just to clarify - I don't think watching TV is a rubbish birthday plan which means you shouldn't get to do it - it's more that I don't understand how the presence of a 3 year old son spoils the plan.

FindoGask · 18/05/2018 11:32

But yes, glad it's all sorted.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 18/05/2018 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Birdsgottafly · 18/05/2018 11:34

If he couldn't take the three year old, then it was out of order to presume you could take over.

But tbh, I never understand why posters on MN need to get their children minded (him not you) to do everyday tasks. Perhaps it is because many of the Men in my family worked away from home/ there were a lot of Single Women etc and I grew up seeing the Women manage everything and yes, they worked as well.

My DD has moved twice, with a one and three year old and we've managed without needing to send her children away. I moved four times as a LP. If they say they can manage leave them to it.

I like going out, but I think you've got a lovely day planned.

Whocansay · 18/05/2018 11:37

Christ, there are some nasty responses on here! The OP had plans, DH knew, but reorganised without asking and she is annoyed. I would be too.

Why on earth does that make her a pita or a princess?

Glad you're all sorted OP. Enjoy the wedding!

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marmablade · 18/05/2018 11:39

It's my birthday tomorrow too and my MIL moved in with her friend but it was a couple of months ago.

If he'd arranged to help with moving at the exact time I had birthday plans with my friends on my birthday which were prearranged with him I'd do exactly what you've done. You don't mind him doing it in the afternoon or the next day but NOT AT THE EXACT TIME YOU'VE ALREADY GOT PLANS! How are you being unreasonable?

PositivelyPERF · 18/05/2018 11:40

MN has become a really horrible place these days. People cannot wait to to pile in on posters and pick them apart for no reason. We seem to have had a ok of new names popping up recently, to give their opinion put women back in their place Its as if they wait around for new posts to start, then pile in.

OP, how very dare you want your husband to keep to the plans you had both agreed to! Did you not know that, as a woman, you should immediately say ‘yes dear, you go ahead and do what you want.’? You obviously have a deep rooted hatred of your mil because she gave you two spoonfuls of sugar in your tea, instead of one, so you’ve been waiting for your opportunity for revenge.

Or quite possibly, none of the above is true and you just want your DH to give his mum a ring, explain his mistake and enjoy your birthday. Happy birthday for tomorrow and I hope you and your friends have a great time. even tough I am a stance republican and couldn’t be arsed 🍾🍫🍰🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 11:41

Why are people ignoring the "I'm going to ring his mum" bit?

Juells · 18/05/2018 11:42

I must say I've changed my mind as I've thought about it a bit more, and can see why OP is annoyed now.

ImNotHeartlessHonest · 18/05/2018 11:45

I don't think you were being unreasonable to be pissed at his changing of plans.

I do think you were a little OTT in freaking out about it and denying that there were viable alternatives - like your son going away on the packing trip. Assuming your DH is a responsible father, there's no reason he shouldn't be able to manage any risks just fine.

PositivelyPERF · 18/05/2018 11:45

Why are people ignoring the "I'm going to ring his mum" bit?

So what? It’s not as if she was going to scream abuse down the phone to her! She’s already said she likes her mil. It is quite possible to phone your mil and ask if she would mind if she could change plans. I often talked to my lovely mil about things that she wanted my DH to help her with as I would be the one working shifts, so my availability decided when he could help her. The earth didn’t implode.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 11:47

We seem to have had a ok of new names popping up recently, to give their opinion put women back in their place Its as if they wait around for new posts to start, then pile in

yeah, I hate it when people give opinions and it's not the same as mine or the majority of MNetters. Don't you?

TeisanLap · 18/05/2018 11:47

Have a great Birthday OP. If I wasn’t currently away from home I’d be having friends round to watch the wedding on TV as well. It’s a great way to spend your birthday.

Happy Birrhday 💐

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 11:48

Why are people ignoring the "I'm going to ring his mum" bit?

It suits them to ignore it the initial response from the op was to phone the mum on her husbands behalf some posters said do it some said no don't then the thread spouted arms and legs

PositivelyPERF · 18/05/2018 11:50

yeah, I hate it when people give opinions and it's not the same as mine or the majority of MNetters. Don't you?

I love a good debate on Mumsnet, but people don’t have to behave like nasty cunts, when giving their opinions.

MirriVan · 18/05/2018 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 11:52

but people don’t have to behave like nasty cunts, when giving their opinions

Totally agree, unfortunately it's rife all over MN, look at the Prince Charles threads for example.

MissBartlettsconscience · 18/05/2018 11:54

I think the thread is pretty evenly split so not really "the majority of Mumsnetters".

Its really to strange to think of families where phoning MIL to arrange / change plans is a no-no and something which has to be left to the husband. I speak to my MIL for a chat pretty often (more often than DH) and it just wouldn't be an issue to phone and say he'd double-booked and could we rearrange.

YANBU op.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 11:57

Just popped back between chores and well, this has turned into quite a debate. Lots of plugging gaps and imaginary declarations about my personality / actions.

  1. I love my mil.
  2. I love my kids.
  3. I love my dh.
  4. I made plans.
  5. Dh agreed to them.
  6. I got annoyed when he then reneged.

Its interesting and helpful to read all the opinions on this thread including the ones that are a 180 on my own. Im not so precious that I cant handle a divisive thread on AIBU. Ive been round long enough to know how it works and actively chose this topic.

Im sure tomorrow will be a smashing day regardless and thar whatever dh and ds do they will too.

To those whose birthday is also tomorrow (there are a few!!)🥂 To those who are also watching along 🇬🇧 and to all those who think im a precious snowflake who needs a beating from her obviously more important dh 💩

OP posts:
Spotsandstars · 18/05/2018 12:01

Are you sure it's not a cover for a birthday surprise that he's organised?!!!!

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