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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call MIL and say actually no dh cant help you tomorrow?

275 replies

NapQueen · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mils friend is moving into hers at some point, I assume over this weekend. Dh has text this morning to say he is helping mil and her friend move friends sofa to mils house tomorrow and will be collected at 9
45am.

Couple of issues with this, side from the fact it presumes I am ok with then having the kids (3 & 6) while he does it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. A couple of months ago I asked dh if he would entertain ds (3) out somewhere from 10ish to 2ish so I could have a couple of girlfriends round to watch the royal wedding. I have a 6yo dd who wants to watch it and a friend is bringing her dd (6) too.

Ds is 3 and couldnt give a hoot, nor could dh, about the wedding. Dh is very hands on always taking the kids places like I do, and has been thinking what to do just him and ds. Ive checked sporadically that he is still ok with the plan. We will have breakfast together as a family for my birthday and i will spend time with ds tomorrow afternoon after the wedding is over.

So now dh is going back on his commitment to me to go and help move furniture. At the exact time we have plans. Why not saturday afternoon? Sunday? Why not ask me if its ok to change our plans? Why present it to me as a done deal?

I know he isnt planning on taking ds (not that that would be a sensible idea whilst heavy furniture is being carted about) as mil is collecting him, rather than him going in our car.

I text back immediatley asking what was happening with ds no reply. Quickly rang and no reply. He is now at work until lunchbreak with no access to his phone and i am fuming.

Had he not been able or prepared to take ds out I would have made alternative plans!

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 18/05/2018 09:19

YABU. You haven’t made birthday plans with him, so he’s not ruined your plans. It’s the royal wedding, it will be slow enough for you to be able to look after a 3 year old if necessary.

Anyway, he has said he will take your DC with him. Where is the issue?

BlueJava · 18/05/2018 09:20

Completely agree with lemonsandlimes Your 3yo will be entertained by having guests over and the TV. He can get on with the move leaving everyone free for Sunday.

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 09:20

He is moving a sofa taking the kid with him it honestly isn't a huge deal Op your husband will manage, you don't have to upset yourself about it your friends can still come round you can still watch the wedding you don't have to make a drama out of this.

Summerinrome · 18/05/2018 09:22

Your dh should grow up and get himself organised. No it’s not okay for him to do casually forget your birthday plans. Glad he is now sorting out a solution.

Karigan1 · 18/05/2018 09:22

Putting aside my horror at spending your birthday watching the royal wedding 😳 I would be putting my foot down on this. HE should be texting her back saying that he can’t, it’s your birthday and he has plans.

Hideandgo · 18/05/2018 09:24

Mountain out of molehill! He can take DS to move the couch. Don’t get all pissy just because you want tomorrow to be all about your plans. It won’t actually affect you and a 3 yr old would be fine to be with their dad and grab, even if there’s ‘boxes’. I’m sure your DH won’t let him get killed by a box. Most mums do lots and lots and lots of jobs while looking after multiple small children.

So enjoy the wedding with your 6 yr old and let your DH get on with making his own plans with the 3 yr old.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/05/2018 09:24

What a drama over watching tv and moving a sofa. So much so that some people would be "furious" Confused. I wonder how some people manage in life.

Juells · 18/05/2018 09:25

Jesus. I didn't even like my MiL and I'd be OK with this. Grow the fuck up. She's moving. That's pretty traumatic for someone elderly.

Hideandgo · 18/05/2018 09:25

I agree Vladmirs.

MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 09:27

Such a hoha about not much

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 18/05/2018 09:28

I'm with you OP. It's the fact that you didn't even cross his mind when he agreed with his Mum. It's the lack of thought that hurts.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2018 09:30

I would have just replied "that's fine-ds will love seeing grandma". No big deal. Unless he has form for this sort of thing.

SoyDora · 18/05/2018 09:30

Can’t you just keep the 3 year old with you for an hour while DH does the job, then he can come back and pick him up and take him out? I’m sure the 3 year old will be fine being entertained by all of you and the 5 and 6 year olds for an hour.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 09:30

Ive not "sent dh and ds away for the day" on my birthday. Ive asked for 4 hours whereby I can have some friends round to celebrate my birthday and those who would actually enjoy doing what we are doing can come. Dh and ds wouldnt enjoy it. Ds would not like a house full. He would far far rather go out for a run about or a play with one of us. If Id thought for a second he would like it I wouldnt have planned for dh to take him out for 4 hours.

Had I planned 4 hours out with friends in the evening i dont think there would be an outcry - so why when its over lunch?

I knew dh wasnt planning on taking ds as he said he was being collected by mil. Which means he wasnt taking our car. Nor were "he and ds being collected".

For all i care he could have arranged to help, checked mil was ok to mind ds in the meantime and gone off and done that the whole time. I wouldnt have needed to even be told thats what they are doing. He told me because he knew it would impact the plans I made with him.

And I know "sitting round watching tv" might not be most peoples favourite way of celebrating their birthday but the fact that it falls on my bday and enough of my friends would like to watch it meant that doing a little gathering and having it on in the background was a suitable way to get together tomorrow.

OP posts:
A4710Rider · 18/05/2018 09:31

Wow. Poor bloke.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 09:32

Grow the fuck up. She's moving. That's pretty traumatic for someone elderly

Mil and her friend are early fifties Grin hardly elderly. And not traumatic for either of them in the slightest.

OP posts:
FabulouslyFab · 18/05/2018 09:32

Gosh you’re precious aren’t you?

bearbehind · 18/05/2018 09:35

What a lot of fuss about nothing?

DH can take DS with him- end of saga.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 09:36

With plans ive made? Yes.

Day to day? No.

Had it been the other way around and I was entertaining the kids whilst dh had his friends round for poker or whatever Id not dream of making alternative plans which then left him with the kids.

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 18/05/2018 09:36

He forgot. We all do it sometimes, we're all human. No need to be such a cow about it.

You're being ridiculously precious.

mostdays · 18/05/2018 09:36

Elderly? Traumatic? Some of you make me Confused.

Op, I'd be upset if my dh forgot my birthday plans too. And upset if he made arrangements that disrupted them without even checking with me. It's just not very nice.

whatisthisimleaking · 18/05/2018 09:37

He sounds a little thoughtless/forgetful (like my DP) but at least he's helping his mum instead expecting you to entertain your 3yo whilst he heads off somewhere for a hobby.

I don't think I could get wound up by this tbh. Sure it would mean having my 3yo for some of the get together but I'd serve a nice brunch with some of the 3yos fave picky bits to keep him content. Your DH wouldn't be gone that long.

Original poster
NapQueen · 18/05/2018 09:37

He didnt forget. He knew about our plans. He thought "itll take 20 mins" when in fact it will probably take at least 1.5hrs.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 18/05/2018 09:37

But your 3 year old is now going with him your husband clearly felt obligated to his mother but you spoke to him about it your ds is going and you now want to phone your mil to tell her off.

Bombardier25966 · 18/05/2018 09:38

Had it been the other way around and I was entertaining the kids whilst dh had his friends round for poker or whatever Id not dream of making alternative plans which then left him with the kids.

You've never made a mistake? Must be difficult for your husband living with someone so perfect!