AIBU to want at least 4 kids?

[MrsCD67]

How many do you have and what are the age gaps like? Would you want more and why?

DayKay

That's not what the 'just don't expect me to pay for them' brigade are insunuating.

Granted my five have taken state primary places but they haven't been a drain on the NHS and by the time they are they'll be tax payers God willing.

I personally don't begrudge healthcare for poorly children, or anybody actually. Irrespective of how many siblings they may have.

*Nice bit of judgement there in your ivory tower.

I haven't once seen any large family parents judge those who stick at one. Can we not just accept and respect one another without the jabs?*

Slight dramatic response there seeing as I only said I think it's a 'little irresponsible'
I'm talking in terms of over population etc etc
Of course people can mitigate that in various ways. Just adding my opinion to the mix. No ivory tower here.

On the other hand, our generation(s) broadly speaking are not adequately replacing ourselves.
We will need younger adults to buoy up our economy when we retire or die.

The birthrate is still under 2 despite the number of us who choose to have more.

And to add to that by the time our generation (making a huge assumption on ages of contributors here) are drawing our pension that aging population will be so high in proportion to the working population that state pensions are looking to be in a dire state!

As someone said earlier on the thread many European countries are encouraging people to have more children to be able to support the way demographics are currently going.

I do agree that there is an environmental and social cost of kids (obviously there is) but I also think that one family with two could have as much or more impact as another with four - it's so dependent on circumstances and luck, and health, and other factors.

I am currently pregnant with a desperately wanted number three - although it is very unlikely to work out (multiple previous losses and I am somewhat - make that very - mature)! I have been concerned about the additional cost to society etc but my DH and I earn well above average and make a pretty decent contribution in tax.

Family size is such an emotional and instinctive thing though. I wonder, are there many people out there who really truly (irrationally perhaps) but nevertheless emotionally want a larger family, but don't go ahead solely because of the environmental and social costs? They are somewhat saintly if so!

As underestimation says, I don’t think environmentally it matters so much the number of kids you have, much more the way you raise them. Raise them to be eco-conscious, good people, innovators etc and they will give way more to the planet than another child who is raised to be selfish/consume/thoughtless etc

I have this conversation with a friend from a slightly different direction. He's always going on about the problem of over-population on a global scale, but drives around in a massive car, takes regular holidays, and has quite a few kids of his own. It drives me mad. Population matters a lot to the survival of our planet but so does relative resource use!

I haven't once seen any large family parents judge those who stick at one. Can we not just accept and respect one another without the jabs?

I have. Not on here, but when I just had one child I was considering whether to go for a second and asked on the one child families board if anyone had decided to stop at X number of children for environmental reasons and said that it was a consideration for me. The number of fucking rude posters rabbiting on about how cruel I was being to dc1 by depriving her of a sibling . It was on the one child families board ffs. These posters weren’t just offending me, they were upsetting a lot of people on there. All based on the “poor only child” myth.

Anyway, fate took the decision out of our hands in the end as I fell pregnant with dc2 as a bit of a woops while we were still humming and hah-ing about what to do. I didn’t want to have an abortion so here he is! I’d never encourage anyone to have more children than they wanted though. It’s surprising how many people do.

Here is the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/2798055-Has-anyone-decided-not-to-have-more-DC-for-environmental-reasons

I’ve changed username obviously.

I can only see one person who is offensive about onlies in that thread and one person, from personal experience as an only, who would rather have had a sibling, then people who agree and disagree that environment was a factor in choosing to have another child.

Out of five pages, I don't think it was a big a deal as it may have felt at the time.

cory your mum sounds bloody awesome. What a wonderful childhood.

Ah I think it’s really personal choice so I don’t judge anyone for having one child, like my ds/dil or 6 like us.

I do agree you should only have the children you can afford though as that seems sensible to me. We had no benefits apart from child benefit and as our youngest is 18 we didn’t get those nice free nursery hours.

However back in the day I helped in our village play group and you could leave your child there for £2.00 a morning and it was run by mums for mums with no ofsted.

Another world.

I honestly hope my children have as many or as few children or none as they choose. It really doesn’t bother me at all. All are welcome

Oops not but

The number of fucking rude posters rabbiting on about how cruel I was being to dc1 by depriving her of a sibling

I've had this in real life... and DS is only 6 months! We only ever wanted one and will stop at one. People (including my own DM) keep telling me that I will change my mind and it's cruel just to have one!
I know a few people who are only children and none of them say they wish they'd had a sibling.

TheFatkinsDiet

You have to ignore posters like this. Unfortunately anyone can post and some are arseoles. Best ignored

Out of five pages, I don't think it was a big a deal as it may have felt at the time.

It really wasn’t a big deal. I just thought that post was completely idiotic in the context of the thread.

That was just one example. It happens all the time that people judge couples for having one child. I thought that was especially stupid in the context of the thread though. As if the need to not have an only trumps something which a lot of people think is quite a serious problem.

My ds and ddil have one and he is the happiest little lad in the world. They don’t want at more and that’s great. Tell people to mind their own fucking business.

I did have this bollocks from another gran at playgroup who said ‘ah what a shame he will be spoilt’ I replied ‘no he will be far too well brought up for that’

Silly cow

No, I get it. I just thought you must have been besieged by arsehole posters. There is always at least one person on any thread who attempts to be cruel in an effort to garner attention for themselves. It's the law.

I have one child and won't be having any more.

I absolutely love it! He gets loads of our time and attention and we do so much together. But his Dad and I also get plenty of time to ourselves which is so important. I really don't cope well without some headspace, peace and quiet on a regular basis.

He's got lots of cousins and friends so although he won't have a sibling, I try very hard to give him a varied social life.

Personally I just couldn't cope with more than one. I know my limitations and it works really well for us!

I have one, pregnant with second and originally me and DH wanted 4 or 5

Stopping now as we realise the impact on our finances, health and happiness. We both come from big families (we have about 12 siblings altogether) and none of them that are older than us have gone on to have more than 2.

But if you want to have many kids you should

I'm quite introverted in many ways and I think I would struggle with having 1 (as stated upthread, I have 3). I would find the constant need to organise playdates or be my child's playmate in that way really difficult. But again, I can't speak for others!

Thank you for the flowers @boomboom12. You are very kind.

☺️

"I really don't cope well without some headspace, peace and quiet on a regular basis."

LittleBlip you have articulated far better than I have exactly why I would have hated to have had loads of children.

One of my friends has three children, and she spends nearly every evening running them to and from various extra curricular activities. I need my down time.

I have 2 aged 2 and 8 months. Want 5. Ideally a 5 year gap between sets of 2 close together except the last one who will be on their own (and babied to high heaven :3).