AIBU to want at least 4 kids?

[MrsCD67]

How many do you have and what are the age gaps like? Would you want more and why?

We have 1 DS who is 7 weeks old, and we are done. In an ideal world we would have more (we always imagined 2) but DS is an IVF baby, DW had a difficult pregnancy and birth, and I have health problems which mean that I may not see him to adulthood (and which certainly make us cautious re: future finances). So DS will be our only one. In some ways we feel sad; on the other hand we know we're incredibly to have him at all.
Also, 7 weeks in, we're still so tired that we can't imagine how anyone copes with more than one

I have two but would have possibly had one more if I could (both were IVF/fertility treatment). However, I suffered a lot of internal damage when I had my dd (planned c section) and was bluntly told on the operating table ‘well you won’t be having any more children!).

4 minutes between my 2, also ivf babies. I look at my babies and on a good day I think yes, I’d love more, but on a bad day I think hell no! If we do go for more (have a couple in the freezer) I want to do it sooner rather than later because I can’t imagine getting out of the baby stages to go back to it.

I’ve always wanted 4, but if the FET doesn’t work, I can’t face another round of ivf. I’m just not strong enough frankly.

DS1 4
DD1 2
DD2 newborn

21mo gap then 28mo gap.
21mo gap was easy. 2 littlies is fun. Both nap! Best of mates...

If practicalities weren't an issue I'd have more but we won't.
I don't feel we can afford it, I'm not getting any younger, and I never want to give birtg again!

I have two DC 2.5 year apart. In theory I would like another, in practise I can't really afford a comfortable life with another nor do I fancy the pregnancy and sleepless nights bit again. So 2 it is and I'm very happy although I like the concept of a big family

I’m from a big family (6) and hated it. My parents never had enough time for us and I hated sharing rooms, sharing stuff, being a bit poor, never being able to go on holidays etc as was too much money. I have 2 children for this reason!

@Ohmydayslove CH is Switzerland.

Yeah for little tribes! Am currently trying to get out of bed but have three of them lying on me/next to me while the eldest is performing to a Katy Perry song outside my bedroom door.
Pure bliss. 😍

I wanted 3, then wanted 2 when the realities kicked in, but then it got easier so we decided to have another and DS2 arrived 14 weeks ago!

Jump from 2 to 3 was a million times easier than the jump from 1 to 2, perhaps due to a 4 year age gap vs. 19 months.
Who knows. But WE ARE DONE!
(Although it saddens me I’ll never be pregnant, give birth or have a newborn again. Not sure why as the pregnancy was hard, and the birth was incredibly fast and painful).

Just an interesting point: as I understand it the French government gives v generous tax rebates etc to large family (more than 2 children). So clearly they want the kids and are not worried about overpopulation :) we'll go back to France with our tribe if we feel unwelcome here :)

I'm one of six and have five myself and love the big family way of life. I was never expected to look after my siblings and my older ones have never been expected to look after the youngest. I paid for babysitters because I have always seen it as my choice and so I do the caring. Now the older ones have homes of their own they do sometimes invite the youngest two to stay over and that's great as well but it's not because I ask them it's more that they genuinely enjoy their siblings' company.
For me the teens were easier than toddlers tbh I think parenting a tribe makes you more confident and sure of yourself and so by the time they got to teens I was pretty much unshakeable and they were easy teens, we communicated well and they didn't see the need to rebel.
Even now occasions like birthdays and Christmas still bring a lump to my throat when I have them all together under the same roof and watch the interaction between them and just knowing, how they know, that they will always have someone in their corner feels great.

Wanted 4, had 3, thankful every day we didn’t have a fourth. Love my now pretty much gorgeous and happy independent kids but find them draining and all consuming. So very happy we didn’t go on to have another.

Wanted 4
Managed 2 (20 and 23)
Fertility got in the way with multiple losses a couple hearbreakingly late.
My only regret in life is not having the courage to have a third but I couldn't face another loss.

Wanted 3. Had 3. Three year gaps between them.

Dd1 16
Dd2 13
Ds forever 10

I ALWAYS wanted 3/4 then I had my first and changed my mind - you just never know how your going to feel emotionally, practically and financially until you have kids. We've got our second on the way and we are DONE!

I wanted 2. Ended up with four (admittedly 2 are step children). I love having four, it’s endless fun and the house feels so full and busy. but we get breaks! (When they go to their other parent). I couldn’t do it without those breaks to keep me sane. To choose to have four I would want to know I could afford a babysitter or had family nearby who were willing to help occasionally.

They are also expensive! Even simple activities cost a lot with four.

But if you can afford it and know you will have help around then it can be lovely (when it’s not dreadful ) . I grew up as one of four children and loved my childhood.

@LoniceraJaponica I'm with you. And I don't think you sounded at all snidey or judgemental. You were simply talking about what wouldn't work for you. I find mothering my nearly 9 month old absolutely exhausting work. And at the moment I don't even manage to do much of the drudgery around the house. I love my child with a love I never thought possible but idk if it's cos he is a 'high needs' baby (not in a disability way, but in terms of his personality) but motherhood is far harder and unrelenting than I imagined. Which is why I understand your questioning being able to do this x 4. For 18+ years. Obv I'm on Mumsnet right now so it's not that hard, but he's napping haha.

@ThatWasThat I don't think it's irresponsible to have more than 1/2 children.

I do think it may be harder to parent more than 2 children. Only in terms of hours in a day / time really - less one on one time, meaningful conversations and language development... idk. Not in terms of care and love. I don't doubt that big family have love in spades. I have no idea what it's like so I shouldn't even comment at all.

YABU because there are too many people in the world already. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have unfortunately not set a good example by having more than two. Given the state of the economy and Brexit more young adults in the future are likely to need more financial support from parents or have a real struggle and most people are not in a position to provide that to lots of DCs.

Thank you just

I'm sure that the main reason that I would find the idea of lots of children exhausting is that I didn't have DD until I was 41 (due to infertility issues). It was a massive change to our lifestyle. We then had the double whammy of nearly losing her at a few weeks old and her being medically fragile until she was about three years old, which meant I couldn't go back to work and was virtually housebound for the first year. I would have had another but it just didn't happen.

The poster who spends 7 hours a day running her children around leads the kind of lifestyle that would be a nightmare for me. I just like a quiet, orderly life - something you just don't get with a large family. I feel sad for DD that she has no siblings, but she says she is glad she is an only child.

@fleshmarketclose Your post is beautiful. This is what I will never experience if I only have my one child. Special occasions with the tribe. I would love to experience that feeling of being in a room full of kin.. made by me or made from half of me, seeing them with their own team. Wonderfully special.

@LoniceraJaponica Very good reasons. I can't imagine the stress you would have been under with a near loss of your child and her poor health in the early years. That would very much have tainted the experience of children. Sounds like you are raising a very happy girl. I hope my son will be as happy as an only.

I have 4 and absolutely no more! I cannot express the work involved and the expense now teens is eye-watering, wouldn't change it though. They are 16,15, 11,10

Recently celebrated a big birthdsy.

my now all grown up 6 with their partners and some with children arranged a loveky meal for us. To chink my glass with my 4 lads and 2girls was magical.

It was slightly mad when they were younger but for them I think I it was easier as my one son says ‘if you fucked up mum couldnt be cross with you for long because someone else would always be fucking up before long’

Expensive teens yes but uni is pretty crippling too although all ours knew they had to get jobs to help out. I think that’s healthy as some of our friends with just one child fully supported him at uni and he didn’t need to get a job. Never has had one at 21..I think I that’s bizarre

@Ohmydayslove Sounds really beautiful. You've created something amazing. I can't imagine how that must feel to have a family like the one you describe. Am sure your birthday was v special.