AIBU to want at least 4 kids?

[MrsCD67]

How many do you have and what are the age gaps like? Would you want more and why?

I didn’t want any but have found myself at the age of 40 with the most gorgeous baby DS age 5mths and now we’re thinking we’d like another one! A bit wary though as we’ve really struck lucky with him as he’s such a happy and lovely baby, and has pretty much slept through since a couple of weeks. We know it’s unlikely we’d be so lucky again!
Obviously my age is against me but 2 would still be my maximum, we have a big house but I wouldn’t want to lose our living spaces and also want to enjoy nice holidays etc which wouldn’t be possible for us with more than 2 to pay for.

justanotheruser18

What a lovely comment thankyou so much.

I see you have an 18 month? Never underestimate how much work and unrelenting energy that takes it’s blooming hard but obviously wonderful. You are doing a fabulous job and the first child or indeed the first time you do it is the hardest I think.

It gets easier honestly

Oh and to add ds1 has one lad aged 2. My lovely dil and he have decided one is enough good for them I say.

We have 2 and I don't feel close to 'done'. Health is likely to prevent more natural children but happy to look at adoption etc in the future

I used to think I wanted 4. Now I think that's crazy. Have 2 DDs (3 years and 3 weeks) and I'm more than done!

You really have to be a special type of woman to raise 4 children successfully.
Maternal instinct off the scale, loving, patient, selfless, & a whole lot more.

Not many woman pull it off.

We have four children, very close together and they were all really wanted and loved but it's been exceptionally hard work, especially with no family around and two full time careers.

I second the fact that they are very expensive, not so much as babies/toddlers but later on....but it depends on your life choices too, to a certain extent.

There are huge pluses but you do need a lot of energy and we are not perfect and didn't manage to put in as much as other people with two. Can't claim we have been to all school plays, recitals, sports days, not with 2 full time jobs and where there were 4 of each, I remember 4 nativity plays lol

Now my eldest is 13 and my youngest 8 ad the boys 12 and 10 I can say that we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel although we are still as busy as ever they are slightly more independent. Would I do it all over again? Yes but we have also been lucky to a certain extent.

It really depends on two things I think.

1. Your personality. I think I'm more introverted than extroverted. I don't like a very loud chaotic house, so when those with big families talk about how they love the noise and loads of people in the house, that doesn't really appeal to me.

1. The amount of support you have. I know people with big families who say it's actually quite easy and they don't find it very hard work but when you look, you'll see they have willing and helpful grandparents and relatives on hand to help them out.

We have 4
Dd 14
Ds 12
Ds 11
Dd 10

Not having anymore as i think the gap would be too big given the first 4 are so close in age.

I have one DS who's 10mo and would like to have another but not til he's started school at least. I've always wanted 2 kids anymore then that I think I would go mad!

Wanted 4/5 children

I have two aged 4 and 20 months.

That's me DONE. You couldn't pay me to have any more...

I'm the oldest of 4. I have two and that's me done. I couldn't bear to go through the baby stage again.

My youngest brother has just had his first. Beforehand they were talking about 3 or 4. Now maybe one more in a few years!

My mum had no help from parents or other relatives. But despite not having very good health, she always seemed to have the energy to talk to us and play with us and give us extra tuition in the evenings: she taught me English and German, taught us all to knit and sew and bake, and played duets with my brother every evening.

I think it's what formerbabe says about personality: different people find different things relaxing. To my mum, relaxing was travelling through Europe on public transport with her brood, teaching us and jollying us along and convincing us that being caught in heavy rain somewhere in Northumberland or stuck on a bus in the sweltering sun of the Mycenaean plain was a wonderful adventure.

The kind of holiday where you sit on a deckchair next to a pool in a hotel compound with nothing to do would have seemed like the worst kind of nightmare to her.

She is in her mid-80s now and still loves nothing better than to fill the (smallish) house with children and grandchildren. She sinks down into depression when things go quiet.

In fact, all the parents I have known successfully juggling larger families have been of that kind: people who knew what they wanted and enjoyed it once they got it. None of them have had much help.

The amount of support you have. I know people with big families who say it's actually quite easy and they don't find it very hard work but when you look, you'll see they have willing and helpful grandparents and relatives on hand to help them out

I totally agree with the point above. We had no support whatsoever but we were lucky that we had flexible jobs and money to pay for childcare...we had part time nannies at one point. Still it felt really hard because of the lack of support from family or friends.

corythatwas I also agree with you, your mum sounds like me....

We have 1 DD. We want a big family, but mother nature isn't being very kind to us. I'm 31 now, so still have age on my side a bit, but I've had so much surgery since I had DD I don't think my body would cope. Been trying for almost a year now and got nowhere so far. I'm due more surgery soon, after which I wont be able to have anymore. It's been held off to give me a chance to get pregnant, but they wont hold off for much longer.

I remember my great grans 80th birthday party. We hired a hall out, got a dj etc was a great big party. I was sitting with her at one point and she got all emotional looking out at everyone and said 'all these babies are mine, everyone here is because of me, isn't that something?' There must have been about 60 or 70 people in the hall. Her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren. Partners etc too obv, but you get where she was coming from.

That's what I wanted :(

" You really have to be a special type of woman to raise 4 children successfully.
Maternal instinct off the scale, loving, patient, selfless, & a whole lot more. "

Balderdash.

I'm not terrifically maternal and as selfish as the next person.

Its far easier to raise a brood than one. I do not understand people who say ooh I'm not maternal so I'll just have the one. So 18 years of intense 1 :1, no let up, no sitters other than outside, no time off, no play mates other than yourself....hell.

My gang have each other.

I have one, 3.5. I’d love another but after trying for two years, it turns out we would need ICSI and IVF ( DH is not DD’s father) so we may be a one child family. It’s not the end of the world but I would have loved for her to have had a sibling.

We want 4 but can only afford 2 at most, so that's what we're sticking with unless one of us earns more money at some point.

I’m pregnant with my fourth. My dc were born in the space of 2.5 years and are now 8, almost 7 and 5. I had two mmc last year and it spurred me on to want a fourth more than ever before. I don’t plan on having any more after this.

This has been a lovely thread - it has reinforced to me why we chose to have such a houseful.

I adore our family life and the noise, cost, mess and chaos are fabulous. But the love and connection is immeasurable.

Oh and I am an introvert. I always wanted 4-6 children growing up. Nothing to do with wanting a loud household and I don’t think my house is particularly loud although it obviously can be at times .

I'm an introvert too - which is why I love a big family - we don't need anyone else .

I have 4 and I don't receive any childcare help at all. My parents live miles away and I don't have any friends that have ever babysat. It works though. I don't find it that awful. It's just what I am used too
Worst thing is the clothes. SO MANY CLOTHES.

Best to start with one and see how it goes