To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

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My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

Do you think her judgement was impaired? TBH it's not clear how much she drank. A glass. Or did a friend have a small glass and she polished off the rest.

It wouldn’t be ok with me but on past experience you are going to get lots of responses telling you it’s fine.

In the end, your child, your choice.

The bottle may have been half empty to begin with. If you object for a fact that she regularly drinks a substantial amount while taking care of DD then find alternative childcare. If not then give her the benefit of the doubt.

I don't begrudge my mil one when she looks after them in the evening but then she isn't expecting to go anywhere and is okay to drive. Wouldn't want her drinking with them during the day but wouldn't complain if it was only one. Half a bottle would be a problem.

Imagine your dc had an accident and she couldn't take them to hospital...

Were they out for lunch in a restaurant? Or at someone's house?

I think you are right to be angry. I don't think your MIL should be drinking while looking after dC

Not everyone drives. In the case of emergency you call an ambulance. Or you get a taxi or a friend to take you.

She will definitely have had half the bottle. She’s never one to miss out!
They were out at a restaurant, not just at home. I don’t begrudge her a drink and I don’t think she’ll have been hammered, just seems irresponsible. If I was looking after someone else’s child, I can’t imagine I’d have anything to drink. If something did happen to dd afterwards, I would be so angry.

I do think you’re over reacting personally. I’ve gone out for lunch with friends, had the kids with me and shared a bottle. A bottle is 1 and a half large glasses so not exactly a hideous amount.

An I think the point your partner is making is she has a big tolerance so that wouldn’t of affected her that badly

She doesn’t have a car seat (we’re in London so all public transport) so hopefully she wouldn’t be driving with her anyway!

I imagine she would react like this: "cheeky cow, I'm doing her a favour." I would.

Ultimately you can put her in childcare, but you can't reasonably object to her having two (?) glasses of wine with a meal when looking after your child for free.

My mum would do this.

I don't like it.

So I don't ask her to look after my DS.

Parents drink in charge of children all the time, so long as you are sober enough to be in charge if there is an emergency. I see no issue personally.

Day drinking whilst looking after dgd=not on

I don't see an issue with it personally.

Would you criticise two parents sharing a bottle of wine on a Friday night?

Do you never drink together with your dh?

If you pay her, then you're entitled to ask her not to drink. If you're using her as free childcare, then she's entitled to tell you to fuck off.

Honestly, I cannot believe the irritating level of entitlement people on MN have about their free childcare.

Half a bottle is only a glass and a half. Wouldn’t bother me. No different to me and my husband having a few ciders when the kids are playing in the beer garden.

If I was looking after someone else’s child, I can’t imagine I’d have anything to drink.

A bit extreme.

Easily resolved, though; pay for childcare.

We would have a bottle of wine when the kids are in bed, but not in the middle of the day when we’ve got to look after them. Mainly because I’d be asleep...

Have you never had a glass or two while in charge of your DD? Your MIL and DP have no issue with it, so will you reorganise childcare?

I don’t think it’s entitlement to ask someone not to get drunk whilst looking after your kids...

My parents drink a bottle of wine between them at dinner quite often. I happily leave my son with them even though personally I rarely drink and if I drank half a bottle of wine id be slaughtered.

They look after him well. They are never visibly drunk and I have no concerns. I dont think the drink in itself is relevant its whether you believe it has effected their ability to care for your child.

Mainly because I’d be asleep..

Your MIL was awake though.

If you went to a wedding with the kids, you wouldn't have two glasses of champagne?