To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

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My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

As long as she wasn't drunk and was within her limits.

I'm not sure. I can have a couple of glasses of wine in the evening and be fine. A couple of glasses with lunch and I'm needing my bed. It's difficult when it's family and they're doing you a favour.

Overreaction.

I don’t think she has a problem, for the record. I just think she was irresponsible. I’m not going to beat her up over it, we have a fairly good relationship (so I’m not looking for something to bash her with like someone suggested).
I generally don’t drink that much or often. When I say we share a bottle on a Friday night, that’s quite rare as I work on Saturdays. Dd generally sleeps so I’ve never had to deal with her when ‘intoxicated’ but can appreciate that is hypocritical.

Are there hoards of children getting lost, injured and killed on the London transport system every day then?

Not that most people would still be standing after a bottle of whisky but it takes a while to kick in. Wine has an very fast effect for some reason.

Tell me more about this scientific study that shows that wine affects people faster than whiskey...

I wonder what people would be saying if it was a drink other than wine. If someone had 5 vodkas would you still be ok with it? I think 5 units is a lot to drink over lunch, and shows how normalised drinking wine and prosecco has become amongst some women.

I don't personally think you should be looking after someone else's kids when you're over the drink driving limit.

DSS and his ex don't let his mother look after their daughter, save for short periods and generally only in the mornings, but she's a total pisshead and is generally passed out drunk by 9pm.

YANBU imo. Half a bottle would put her over the limit to drive, so could have been risky in an emergency.

How in gods name have DP and I managed to successfully raise 5 kids to adulthood, without either of us being able to drive?

One and a half glasses with lunch is enough of a matter of opinion and variation that you can't reasonably expect her to follow your wishes when you're not paying her for childcare. If she drinks regularly than it's less likely to have the impact on her that it does when you do it. Given that it's a matter for reasonable variation of opinion, it's also ok for you to feel uneasy about it, but you can't legitimately ask her to change her behaviour either.

I think I agree PaulDacreRimsGeese

(I really enjoyed typing your name btw )

@sweeneytoddsrazor did you raise them on the dangerous streets of London?

I would describe half a bottle over a lunch as fairly light drinking for someone that’s used to leisurely lunching with wine. She’s not driving. This really wouldn’t bother me. If the problem is that you actually don’t trust her then you’d be better to make other arrangements.

My in laws drink a bottle of wine at lunch.

So hubby and I pay for child care.

Personally, I'd find the cash to pay a sober person.

And, before anyone asks, when children were younger one of us always did not drink. We've, unfortunately, had the hospital trips for each child. Cannot imagine doing that on half a bottle of wine. But, remember, alcohol does affect people differently - I'm a light weight.

Still laughing over poster saying she has a drink problem with half a bottle of wine over lunch

Op you can’t have it both ways. Your mil wasn’t pissed and neither would most normal
People after half a bot of wine.

You can’t hsve free childcare and then start micro managing the carer or basically she would probably tell you to piss off and pay for care.

Wtaf is it about needing to drive kids to hospital too.? is it beyond people’s understanding that lots of parents can’t drive or don’t drive through choice. They manage.

I have my dgc one day a week and no I don’t generally drink but if I had a friend round for lunch I might have a glass or two and I would be more then capable of looking after my dgs. Even in scary London

For me it would really depend on how it impacted them. My husband occasionally has a beer or 2 at lunch if we’re out & it doesn’t impact his ability to care for the kids at all.
Equally we occasionally have a drink at home when the kids are In bed (not expecting to go anywhere) but one of us still remain in a position we can respond in an emergency- as in alcohol wouldn’t impact our response time & we can still drive. There are some occasions that aren’t 999 ambulances & you don’t want to have to wait for a taxi/lift.

I can see why you wouldn’t like half a bottle though but as others have said this amount may not affect your MIL at all & her ability to look after your child.

One thing that annoys me on here though is the view that if you’re not happy with free child care then pay. Yes I get that, but surely if you leave your child with say a grandparent, is it really that bad to request they do/don’t do a few things? It’s still your child. I mean not to the last detail of what they do but something small, like no sweets or no alcohol, no smoking. Also grandparents tend to want to have their grandkids. You can’t forbid her from drinking but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to request she doesn’t drink when she’s looking after your child, if you feel that strongly about it.
As an example my mom helps out with our kids, but feeds them so much junk. We request she doesn’t do this. Do I really need to pay for childcare & deny my daughters seeing their nanny because she can’t control herself giving them treats? Surely it shouldn’t be an issue saying thanks for having the kids, they love seeing you (& I knew she loves seeing them) but can you please not give them as many treats.

I find that it amazing that anyone can think 5 units at lunch is 'fairly light drinking'! This thread's an eye opener.

Sweeney

Apparently! I blame the hoards of drunken selfish grandparents.. .. giving up their days like that to help out the children they have already raised to do it all again with grandchildren. free of charge. Selfish bastards.

@RebelRogue For a while yes then we moved to raising home on the mean streets of another major city. We never managed to lose, injure or kill any of them whilst using public transport, even negotiated Oxford St for the Xmas lights. And we managed perfectly easily to cope with any emergencies which involved hospital visits.

if you don't like it you have every right to put your child in paid childcare.

This - in a nutshell. Either you trust her to look after your daughter or you don't.

@Ohmydayslove

mumsnet has always been strange regarding alcohol though.

Never ever in rl have I ever met any couple that takes it in turns to drink alcohol incase they need to whisk their currently well children to hospital.

Never ever and I actually don’t believe it.

Thank you OP!

Speaking only for myself, no I wouldnt.
Especially not while babysitting. Booze is really normalised too much.

I’d not be too happy about it tbh. We’ve refused childcare offered because we know the people in question will be plastered. I would never have half a bottle of wine in charge of kids.

We don’t drink much - I drink barely anything these days and one of us is always sober if we have the children. I just don’t like feeling impaired while kids are around - I think they do pick up on it as well.

As for emergency trips to A and E - that has actually happened to us and us driving was faster than the ambulance dispatch. Granted in London an ambulance would be quicker.

It’s your child and your rules - however if help is offered freely and you accept you don’t have as much say in what that person actually does.

......,an eye opener indeed @ParisUSM