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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

466 replies

PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 17:57

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 17/05/2018 19:01

My parents regularly take the kids to the lovely local pub with a great kids garden and have 2-3 glasses of wine over lunch - as do me and DH. None us would be drunk or incapable looking after the dc. It's also full of other parents and grandparents doing the same thing.

YABU.

Original poster
PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 19:01

Oh blimey WonderTweek that’s a bit of perspective for me!

OP posts:
Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 19:05

I hardly think Pineapple is “ordering her around” - she’s expressing unease at her MIL drinking a significant amount of alcohol whilst looking after her children.
Quite understandably IMO

OrchidInTheSun · 17/05/2018 19:08

Significant? She's had half a bottle with a friend over lunch. I assume if she's a falling down drunk, she's incapable of looking after the OP's precious child.

As I said earlier - don't like it, pay. Otherwise STFU.

OrchidInTheSun · 17/05/2018 19:09

Pineapple - have you never shared a bottle of wine over lunch? Do you think you have a drink problem because you share a bottle with your husband? Or is it one rule for you and one for your MIL?

EarlGreyT · 17/05/2018 19:09

Imagine your dc had an accident and she couldn't take them to hospital...
You mean she couldn’t drive them to hospital. She could always get a taxi or if 999 urgent then she should call an ambulance and shouldn’t be driving there anyway.

How do you think people who either don’t drive or don’t have access to a car deal with this situation? or are you suggesting anyone with children should both be able to drive and have a car available to them at all times? So if you’re a one car household and would have to drive to any hospital in the case of an accident, then whoever needs to use the car, must always have the child(ren) with them because if that’s what you’re suggesting it’s frankly crazy.

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:09

Your mother in law is being massively irresponsible. Drinking while in some charge of a toddler out and about London is downright reckless. While she may have not been drunk there is no way she would have been unaffected by that much wine. London can be such a dangerous place for little ones if they are on foot or using public transport. I really think that it isn't a risk worth taking. You could cut costs and be able to afford proper childcare by moving out of London surely? I would also suggest that your DH should speak to her about her alcohol problem if he feels comfortable discussing it. Maybe she is a bit depressed or something.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 17/05/2018 19:10

Do you have a drink ever after work while your child is asleep? If so then I don't think you can judge

Peartree17 · 17/05/2018 19:11

What Bluntness and Expat said. If you don't find it acceptable (although you do it yourself), you need to make other arrangements.

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:13

@orchidinthesun a bottle between two people is a huge amount. It is one thing if OP is doing it over the course of an evening and sleeping it off every now and then. Note that the op accepts that she is incapacitated by this and is under no delusion that it us binge drinking. But it isn't a drinking problem. Regularly drinking half a bottle with lunch is veers into drinking problem territory.

OliviaStabler · 17/05/2018 19:13

Yes she’s doing us a favour but does that mean she can do as she likes?

Yes, pretty much. If she has a high tolerance for alcohol, half a bottle will have very little effect on her.

RebelRogue · 17/05/2018 19:14

@Racecardriver it's London not the backstreets of Syria!!Hmm

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:14

@mrssnooty being tipsy or even a bit drunk while child is sound asleep is completely different than taking child on the tube while tipsy.

DillyDillyDally · 17/05/2018 19:14

Wow racecardriver I've never stopped to consider all those hundreds of thousands of children in london living in mortal danger every day. Thank God I left, all other parents should do the same if they care about their children Hmm

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:15

@rebel I have seen perfectly sober adults nearly fall on the tracks, imagine what could happen to a toddler.

crispysausagerolls · 17/05/2018 19:15

I disagree with the majority on here it seems. I was a bit squiffy at a 1st birthday once (as it was the same day as my birthday and I'd had TWO glasses of bubbly in the morning). I was given the birthday baby to hold and immediately had to give her away because I knew I was not in a fit state. It actually terrified me how out of control I felt and how much of a danger to the baby. I really wouldn't want someone drinking who is the sole carer for my child at the time/would definitely not drink if watching someone else's child.

I understand fully that free childcare is not something to take for granted, but most arrangements I know where the grandmother has the child for one day a week is mutually beneficial, and as much for the grandmother as for the child. I've known a grandmother to be bereft when it was removed. It's just a touchy subject that would be difficult to broach without sounding as though you are criticising her or accusing her of being a lush.

DillyDillyDally · 17/05/2018 19:15

Also, sharing a bottle of wine with food IS NOT veering into drinking problem territory fgs. You sound like a fun person lol

NameyMcNamechangeface · 17/05/2018 19:16

Hilariously entitled and unreasonable! Grin

You know that there's a really simple answer to this, right??... you could actually pay for childcare!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/05/2018 19:16

1/2 a bottle of wine with a meal is not a significant amount. It is way way different to getting drunk. It is not going to put the child in any danger and is not going to result in a Dr informing social services of an alcohol problem as was suggested on a previous thread..

Jordan4531 · 17/05/2018 19:17

I might be uptight but as a rule I do not drink around my children. Maybe one on an evening when they're in bed or one at a wedding or christening but never any more. I would make it abundantly clear that I am not happy with anyone else drinking while they are supposed to be caring for my children it's common sense in my opinion

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:17

@Dillydillydilly they're not because they have fully competent adults taking care of them. If she is tipsy then OPs DD is not being adequately watched. A drink is better than nothing of course (if she was alone for half an hour food chance she would end up dead or badly hurt) but it is still a big risk to take. Children die and get injured or lost on the public transport system even with sober adults taking care of them.

BakedBeans47 · 17/05/2018 19:18

a bottle between two people is a huge amount.

You do realise it’s wine and not whisky?

I agree it’s a lot for regular daytime drinking but it’s around 5 units of alcohol, hardly a “huge amount”

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:20

@bakedbeans but it was over the course of lunch. Unless they were having lunch for five hours it is a lot. Probably more like five units in 1.5 hours, that is loads.

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:22

Also whisky has a very different effect to wine even though it is stronger. Not that most people would still be standing after a bottle of whisky but it takes a while to kick in. Wine has an very fast effect for some reason.

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 19:23

Not that drinking whisky is better. Just odd to compare them. Wine crate would have been a better comparison. Like for like and all that.