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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

466 replies

PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 17:57

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

OP posts:
eurochick · 17/05/2018 18:21

It wouldn't bother me at all.

nokidshere · 17/05/2018 18:24

Half a bottle of wine with a meal wouldn't make most people drunk. Did you specify absolutely no alcohol when you arranged childcare? If not you will have to assume that things were fine this time but make it clear to her that she is not to drink at all whilst looking after your child in the future.

Or change childcare

Lichtie · 17/05/2018 18:24

You should be buying her the bottle as a thank you Grin

tigerrun · 17/05/2018 18:25

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Also half a bottle is a glass and a half, she’s hardly going to be dancing naked on the table or more importantly be unable to look after her DGD. Only on MN would this be a thing!

Pengggwn · 17/05/2018 18:26

make it clear to her that she is not to drink at all whilst looking after your child in the future.

I don't think most people would react well to that. I'd expect the OP to be told to find an alternative.

RebelRogue · 17/05/2018 18:28

Was she drunk at pick up?
Just because you would be asleep doesn't mean she was drunk or impaired. But if you don't like it you have every right to put your child in paid childcare.

OrchidInTheSun · 17/05/2018 18:29

If you pay her, then you're entitled to ask her not to drink. If you're using her as free childcare, then she's entitled to tell you to fuck off.

Honestly, I cannot believe the irritating level of entitlement people on MN have about their free childcare.

Mammyloveswine · 17/05/2018 18:30

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest... my mum and dad regularly take my 2 year old for Sunday dinner if they have him and will defintely have a few pints!

I've often shared a bottle of wine whilst our with a friend and our children... it's hardly as though she's necking back the tequila spammers!

If you're really concerned maybe just have a little word.

nokidshere · 17/05/2018 18:30

I don't think most people would react well to that. I'd expect the OP to be told to find an alternative.

Yes so would I Wink

Original poster
PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 18:34

Fair enough. But I don’t have another childcare option. Yes she’s doing us a favour but does that mean she can do as she likes? I suppose it is hypocritical as we would have a bottle between us on a Friday evening.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 17/05/2018 18:38

Meh. We’re having a bbq tomorrow. I bet me and DH have a bottle of wine between us over the course of the afternoon / early evening. Our kids are 6,3 and 1. If they need emergency medical treatment I’ll call a taxi / ambulance depending on the incident.

Have you really never drunk alcohol when your children are awake? Never?

Pengggwn · 17/05/2018 18:39

Yes she’s doing us a favour but does that mean she can do as she likes?

Pretty much.

happypoobum · 17/05/2018 18:40

I think you can only dictate if you are paying.

Re the "what would they do if they had to drive DC to hospital" thing. Maybe MIL doesn't drive - plenty of people don't. They call a taxi or get an ambulance if it's an emergency.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/05/2018 18:40

Have a think about why it bothers you - does MIL get careless or sleepy after a couple of glasses? Is she likely to drive after a drink? An awful lot of parents would think nothing of having a couple of drinks with a meal, say a Sunday lunch or whatever, when they had their DC with them.
I don't think you get to order your MIL not to touch a drop of alcohol around your DC when you aren't paying her, and she is an adult. You mentioned that you and your H share a bottle of wine on a Friday evening, so you're not someone who is utterly appalled by the idea of anyone having a sip of sherry.
I suggest you suck it up.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/05/2018 18:41

She is a relative who does you a favour, not an employee with a contract.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/05/2018 18:41

And yes, if she is doing you a favour, she can do as she likes. Are you generally this controlling?

ICantCopeAnymore · 17/05/2018 18:42

If anyone drank a drop while in charge of my child, they'd never be in charge of my child ever again.

Crispbutty · 17/05/2018 18:43

She was having a meal in a restaurant too, not on a bar crawl with the pram. So long as she isn’t driving I really wouldn’t have any issue.

Pengggwn · 17/05/2018 18:44

ICantCopeAnymore

That's your prerogative as a parent, isn't it. This is of course the OP's decision, but she has said she doesn't have a childcare alternative, so I think it might be tough apples.

Wolfiefan · 17/05/2018 18:44

I agree with Reanimated. If you think she is drinking and driving or her judgement is impaired or she's drinking so much she's putting your child at risk then it's not on. If she's having a glass of wine with food whilst catching up with a friend then I can't see the issue.
You don't have other options? Well you could pay!

Jaxhog · 17/05/2018 18:45

YANBU. Why do people think it's ok to drink around kids? What if you had an emergency?

But be prepared for protests and loss of babysitting.

PS. People who drink a lot, may not LOOK impaired, but they won't be safe to drive a car.

Original poster
PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 18:45

It’s not about being controlling, I was just uncomfortable with the thought of someone having that much whilst having the afternoon ahead in charge of my child. To me, that’s a lot of alcohol. Obviously not to other people.
Clearly most people are fine with it so I guess I’ll leave it. That’s why I asked Grin

OP posts:
DillyDillyDally · 17/05/2018 18:46

.Yes she’s doing us a favour but does that mean she can do as she likes? I suppose it is hypocritical as we would have a bottle between us on a Friday evening

Yes, she can do as she likes, within reason obviously. Sharing a bottle of wine over lunch is perfectly reasonable. You admit you are being hypocritical so just let it go. When you share that bottle with your DH after your kids are asleep you don't know if they are going wake up and need your attention. Maybe you should stop drinking altogether until your DC are adults?

expatinscotland · 17/05/2018 18:46

'Yes she’s doing us a favour but does that mean she can do as she likes? I suppose it is hypocritical as we would have a bottle between us on a Friday evening.'

Yes and yes.

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 18:46

I wouldn’t be happy either OP - but from previous threads on MN - lots of people seem to think it’s fine Confused
Personally, I wouldn’t drink more than a glass of wine when I’m alone with my DC, I just don’t think it’s responsible. I’m Italian by the way and my family have vineyards so I definitely love the grape!