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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

466 replies

PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 17:57

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 19/05/2018 03:14

What about the parents whose children are being babysat? The parents get in, the babysitter goes home. The parents have had a few glasses over dinner and some, or at a party and they crash out exhausted.
Is that okay, or is it just not ok because it was daytime?

lborgia · 19/05/2018 03:52

I'm only 2 pages in an aghast at the general comments of "half a bottle is only a large glass and a half"... it's at least 3 units. If 2 small glasses of wine can put you over the drink driving limit, how can you be happy for someone looking after your child to be drinking maybe twice that much? And who the hell needs to?

And I've no experience of alcoholism, or a teetotal upbringing.. but I do think that if OPs MIL had taken a few puffs whilst babysitting, there'd be a damn sight more people agreeing with the OP.

If you're home, as far as you know your child is not sick, and it is YOUR child, then you get to decide whether/ how much you drink. If you are looking after child for someone else in the middle of the day when you still have to get them back from a to b.. you don't down half a bottle with your plate of pasta. Even a couple of units impacts reaction times, impulse control, most processing, so why would you be ok with anyone then pushing a pram/ crossing roads/ negotiating pram/ steps/ roads/ escalators etc etc. Ludicrous.

I'll go back and read a bit more now.

Monty27 · 19/05/2018 04:12

I kind of forgot the GM was buggering about on public transport having been drinking.
No I wouldn't be happy about that either.

Lazypoolday · 19/05/2018 05:40

but I do think that if OPs MIL had taken a few puffs whilst babysitting, there'd be a damn sight more people agreeing with the OP.

Maybe but What does that have to do with anything? I'm sure if she had snorted a few lines followed by a speedball before negotiating a tube escalator then people would agree with the op too..but she didn't . She shared a bottle of wine over lunch with a friend. A regular drinker would not be drunk after that. It's perfectly normal and acceptable imo.

Momo27 · 19/05/2018 07:37

Iborgia- you’re missing the fundamental point that the grandparent in this case must feel hugely pressurised into this situation because the OP has said she can’t afford to pay proper childcare.

There’s a wide gulf between a grandparent who BEGS to spend time in sole charge of a grandchild when that care isn’t needed, and a grandparent who is basically told ‘I can’t afford childcare, so unless you do it for free, I’ll lose my job (and potentially I guess, risk losing home, future job prospects, and any other knock on.)

There is no way you can argue this is a truly free choice. It’s not like the grandmother has chosen to have the child for the day and then gone out of her way to arrange a social event involving drinking. She is doing the OP a massive favour. That changes the basis hugely. You don’t get to dictate the precise terms.

ICantCopeAnymore · 19/05/2018 07:47

I tend to think the particular brand of pearl-clutching teetotal types must've either grown up in homes where alcohol was abused (in which case their stance is completely understandable), or in temperant homes and think of it as some sort of evil, and are genuinely scared of it

Nope. Nothing of the sort.

BakedBeans47 · 19/05/2018 08:57

Cigarette smoke that a child breathes in and can be more directly detrimental to their health is different IMO. If someone caring for my child smoked round them they’d never be allowed near them again.

ICantCopeAnymore · 19/05/2018 09:10

Agreed.

XiCi · 19/05/2018 10:00

This thread is hilarious.
2 small glasses of wine would be COMPLETELY metabolised by the liver during a 2 hour lunch. So unless the GM had some underlying health problem which means her liver is compromised she would have been sober by the end if a leisurely lunch.
The OP is being absolutely ridiculous.

Ohmydayslove · 19/05/2018 10:21

I have to say this has been on of the funniest threads I have read for a while.

The grandparents reward was to look after the grandchild was perhaps my favourite. Grin

Reminds me of an old song my gran used to sing ‘lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine’ a good old welsh temperance song I believe.Grin

And if there are people out there who seriously couldn’t negotiate the tube with a child after having 2 glasses of wine then no you shouldn’t drink. The rest of the adult population would be totally fine.

Ohmydayslove · 19/05/2018 10:23

Baked if someone swore/spat/juggled knives around my children I wouldn’t trust them but what on Earth has cigarette smoke got to do with this post?? The mil was not smoking. Confused

XiCi · 19/05/2018 10:24

Do people actually realise that the body processes alcohol, usually quickly and efficiently. You don't just wander round for the rest of the day and night, blind drunk, incapable of making rational decisions after having a drink with your lunch. The whole of France would be rendered incapable of looking after their children Grin

Eatmycheese · 19/05/2018 10:41

I’m still chuckling at the one can at Christmas tradition

ICantCopeAnymore · 19/05/2018 10:44

Wow, if that's still making you laugh, you need to get out more.

BakedBeans47 · 19/05/2018 11:05

Someone else mentioned it ohmydays

tartantroosers · 19/05/2018 11:15

If you pay her, then you're entitled to ask her not to drink. If you're using her as free childcare, then she's entitled to tell you to fuck off.

Honestly, I cannot believe the irritating level of entitlement people on MN have about their free childcare.

^ well said, Orchid

Eatmycheese · 20/05/2018 00:30

ICantCope

You clearly can’t.
Sorry for the late reply I’ve just got back in.

ICantCopeAnymore · 20/05/2018 06:06

I clearly can't...what? Confused

Eatmycheese · 20/05/2018 10:26

Cope. As in your username.

Either with accepting the fact that you are looking a gift horse in the mouth with the “dipso” grandparents and it rankles many of us, or that people including me found a one can of lager at Christmas a highly amusing ritual

ICantCopeAnymore · 20/05/2018 11:07

I've never mentioned the grandparents.

How sad that you find that highly amusing - do you also like Mrs Brown's Boys?

Eatmycheese · 20/05/2018 13:26

Sorry, but who is the MIL if not one of the grandparents?

No I don’t like Mrs Brown’s Boys. I have never watched a single episode. But so what if I did?

What I do find sad is that you are a grown woman who chose to open aspects of your life up to scrutiny and to garner others views; but the reality is you ultimately seek only vindication / affirmation and as a result you lash out or make assumptions about those of us who to differ or have a bit of a laugh about the finer detail. Such as the barb out of left field about my tastes in comedy.

The measure of a person in this context might be said to be how they deal with others’ observations on them. When you did ask for them explicitly. Your responses to both myself and others on this thread suggest that you cannot cope (sorry back to the user name ) with a difference of opinion in a balanced manner.

ICantCopeAnymore · 20/05/2018 13:45

Oh I can cope with a difference of opinion.

However, the thought of someone finding it so highly funny that my husband sometimes has a can of beer on Christmas Day is extremely odd indeed. I asked you a genuine question, as that sort of humour appeals to a certain type, so was curious as to whether the can of beer hilarity is of a similar comedic value to Mrs Brown's Boys, which is well known for not being very funny at all.

I'm very glad that my husband's drinking habits have been a source of such mirth for you. I would like to inform you that on his birthday, he usually buys himself a six pack of glass bottle Coca Cola, as a treat. I hope you find that just as amusing.

Delatron · 20/05/2018 14:37

I think with the 'one can of beer on Chrismas day' thing people are wondering why bother? He clearly doesn't like beer otherwise he'd drink it throughout the year. So what is the point of having one measly can of something he doesn't like?

ICantCopeAnymore · 20/05/2018 14:47

I asked him the other day when people laughed. He doesn't really know - I don't think it's that he doesn't like it. He just prefers juice, tea, pop etc. His parents were brewers and died in a tragic accident when he was 11, so perhaps it's in homage to them on Christmas day, who knows?

Eatmycheese · 20/05/2018 17:11

OP you need to stop being so touchy.
The one can of beer is peculiar and people as another person said will find it strange or amusing. If he drank a shot of expensive, exquisite single malt less so perhaps. What’s so offensive about that?

I don’t find the Coca Cola remotely weird at all. Why would I?
I find one can of beer at xmas when you don’t drink odd and slightly amusing. Nothing more nothing less. I am entitled to find some of your husband’s drink choices less intriguing or amusing which i do, as is life.

I am sorry to hear about his parents though, that is dreadfully sad.