To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

[PineappleRelish]

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

Never ever in rl have I ever met any couple that takes it in turns to drink alcohol incase they need to whisk their currently well children to hospital.

I know?!! I was beginning to think me and all the other parents and people I know had really warped views. Most parents I know (me included) would think nothing of chugging up to a bottle of wine whilst the kids are in bed on a Saturday night. What do they do at Xmas/ new year? There have been times over holidays when all adults in the house have been pissed and the kids in bed. Is this some sort of taboo? I thought eveyone did it?

Na it’s a mumsnet wierd parallel universe.

You get it in every alcohol thread where apparently no one drinks in case a previously well child needs immediate hospitalisation.

We have many kids and literraly know hundreds of parents and I have never heard anyone ever say this. Or do this. New born babies and the lack of sleep excluded.

Christmas and new year must be a hoot in some mumsnet houses.

Shredded organic carrots, cordial and a good game of jenga

I have a glass of cider on a Saturday while my DC are up, and I go to Tolkien Society meetings in child-friendly pubs and take them, they enjoy it, they have a meal and a colouring sheet. I'm not falling over pissed though.

Another thing I never heard of before MN - people who are simultaneously petrified of alcohol and practically shit themselves at the thought of anyone having more than a sip of sherry on their birthday, yet also ridiculously dependent on private car ownership ("But you might have to DRIIIIIIIIIIIVE"). Loads of us manage to keep our kids happy and healthy and still alive despite never having owned a car and being partial to a couple of pints now and again.

...no everyone doesn’t do it.

I wonder is it an English/British thing? The attitude to binge drinking I mean?
have an enormous Tuscan family - and with us it’s just not a thing to get ”pissed”
My DH is partly English but he doesn’t either - apart from the odd rugby thing

ReanimatedSGB

This is slightly off OP & more about the replies. For me personally aswell it’s not just being able to call an ambulance or get them to hospital. The age of our children means we’re often up 2/3 times per night. One of us has to be in a positiin to hear them & be able to respond - feeding etc.

....sorry typos - trying to cook supper and type

Well by pissed I mean a little bit drunk, not enough to have a hangover the next day. In charge of kids...that just wouldn’t be worth it.

Never ever in rl have I ever met any couple that takes it in turns to drink alcohol incase they need to whisk their currently well children to hospital.

We don’t drink much in front of the kids - I barely drink at all, maybe 2-3 drinks a year and dh will have maybe one or two light beers a few times a year at a BBQ. Otherwise he’s out with friends so not around the kids. If he’s drinking I don’t as a rule. And vice versa. One of us is always sober if we are in charge of them.

Most of the people we know are the same. It’s not unusual at all. It’s nothing to do with a permanent state of paranoid readiness to go to a and E, more a thought that adults being tipsy in front of kids isn’t great and that one of you should be straight. It’s frowned on where we live (Sweden) to drink in charge of children.

I wouldn’t want to be breathing booze all over an upset child who had woken and I don’t want them to see either of us tipsy.

People I know back in the uk seem to have either gone down the barely drinking route or really hammering it route as they enter their forties. It’s a really marked difference. It’s up to them, I’ve never said anything to any of them. The amount the latter put away is fairly large and ironically they are the ones who are judgemental, mocking and scathing of those of us who don’t drink. It seems to threaten them in some way or maybe it feels like an implicit judgement?

@ReanimatedSGB

Presumably they have to drive otherwise they risk their kids getting lost, injured or killed on public transport which apparently is a major thing.

I'm not petrified of alcohol, and drank loads in my 20s and 30s. The thought of drinking 5 units over lunch now in my 50s just seems pointless, and there's no way I'd be doing it while looking after a child.

The attitude to alcohol, food and obesity in this country is really depressing. It's just not like this in other countries :(

@Teeniemiff - yes agree with you 100%

I’m not petrified of alcohol either 😂 - wine and olive oil is our family business - to me it’s one of lifes’ greatest pleasures

Yep mention half s bottle of wine and you defiantly have a drink problem. *

omg you couldnt drive your child to hospital

i don’t drive

omg you couldn’t drive your child to hospital

And so it goes on.

@Yarnswift totally agree, most of my friends have gone down the barely drinking route but I have a couple who didn't drink much when they were younger and now are absolutely tanning the drink at every opportunity - god knows why you'd start in your 40s!

I wonder is it an English/British thing? The attitude to binge drinking I mean?

Yes it is. Anyone who doesn’t drink gets mocked as being dull, boring, paranoid and square. You can see the response types on here.
Among my Swedish friends and colleagues (and indeed among the diverse nationalities of my expat friends) having none or one and leaving it at that is the norm.

Our kids are little - they don’t need to see either of us tipsy or drunk. And frankly I don’t want to feel hungover getting up at 5 with a boisterous toddler.

When I mentioned being above the drink driving limit, I was more making the point that if you can't be in charge of a vehicle, I personally don't think you should be in charge of someone else's child. If a nanny was drinking 5 vodkas by 1pm, you'd all be ok with it?

You hit the nail on the head Paris

I agree that the attitude to alcohol and food consumption in the UK is very different to other European countries - it’s actually quite shocking

I'm not petrified of alcohol, and drank loads in my 20s and 30s. The thought of drinking 5 units over lunch now in my 50s just seems pointless, and there's no way I'd be doing it while looking after a child.

My thoughts exactly.

I'm so glad I'm not part of this sanctimonious generation. God I hope things change when my DC grow up! What a miserable butt clunching bunch you are

I don't drink (except 2-3 times a year if that) I still think some of these responses are bloody ridiculous.

I find it incredibly that clearly sensible people cannot differentiate between being falling down dangerously drunk in charge of kids verses having a few glasses and being quite capable of looking after them.

And not really liking the racist element creeping in about British people! Not acceptable really. Unless I would add my grandparents are Swedish snd I have visited and if I lived there trust me I would drink far far more than I do in Britain

You can't be 'racist' when referring to British people. People are talking about the culture of the country, nothing to do with ethnicity.

Absolutely Yarnswift - the ‘shouting down’ and mocking of anyone who chooses not to drink/ drink sparingly, whilst caring for children, makes me feel deeply uneasy

P.S. my lovely MIL is Swedish 💕