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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

217 replies

NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 17:13

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
LionAllMessy · 18/05/2018 17:49

So what's the decision, OP?

ittakes2 · 18/05/2018 17:57

Can A go for two weeks - one week with boyfriend and one week eight friends?

ChocEggNoThanks · 18/05/2018 17:58

A is being an arsehole. Either girls' holiday or romantic break with BF or two holidays.

I don't even know A and I'm pissed off at her!

EnchantedByGin · 18/05/2018 18:23

I’ve skimmed the thread, (trying to read as well as being in charge of toddler) so apologies if I suggest something someone else has already said.

A goes to destination for 2 weeks, one week with BF who will pay for her holiday with him, as it’s her big birthday and somewhere he’s always wanted to go. Either first or second week with the girls...or B, C & D.
A gets to share both the flight out or flight back with friends or bf depending on which way round. And doesn’t end up spending (much) more than she had planned as the extra week with BF is his treat.
A couple holiday is always different to a friends holiday, I think irrespective of if it’s girly or mixed. If A’s BF is not a part of that friendship group (yet) it will change the dynamic. Just hope BF isn’t a controlling type who only suggested, or made A suggest that he come too.

Original poster
NasdaqYouTwat · 18/05/2018 18:28

I've decided to pull out of the holiday. I'm also going to end my friendship with A because she has a history of unreasonable behaviour and I don't have the patience for it.

Thank you all for your responses!

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 18/05/2018 18:28

A is being an unreasonable princess.

I would tell her she can go on holiday with her boyfriend or she can go on holiday with B, C and D who she originally planned a fun trip with.

Although, tbh, she's probably already ruined the trip dynamic with all this whinging about wanting her boyfriend to come (he'll pay for her), she doesn't want two holidays (really? is she for real?), she doesn't want to waste his money ... but she's clearly happy to waste B, C or Ds on needing another room. And you'll automatically likely need a bigger vehicle at the other end or two vehicles to get whereever it is you're going from the airport (5 adults instead of 4 with luggage).

B, C and D might want to find another friend and tell A to have fun with her boyfriend. (If she doesn't marry him someday, and most of us don't marry most of our boyfriends, just the 'last' one hopefully) she'll have potentially messed up 3 friendships over it.

BewareOfDragons · 18/05/2018 18:28

X-post

I don't blame you OP. She sounds like hard work.

IamPickleRick · 18/05/2018 18:35

Yanbu. Hope you do manage to get a holiday this year though.

Downtroddenandrough · 18/05/2018 18:42

I think I would sack A off. She is clearly weird and needy.

Original poster
NasdaqYouTwat · 18/05/2018 18:44

Thanks PickleRick (love the username). I'm going to be on holiday for most of December and I'll be going away with my parents next summer so no worries!

OP posts:
Suebreo · 18/05/2018 19:26

Defo A needs to go with boyfriend, C&D just need to suck it up and go on holiday together. Situations change friends understand.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 18/05/2018 20:25

Glad you've made a decision, OP. Hope the execution isn't too painful.

Happy holidays

altiara · 18/05/2018 22:04

Good choice OP!
After the flight update, I was coming on to say ditch friend A as she sounds a bit odd!
-wants to mix girls holiday with bringing boyfriend (why!)
-doesn’t want to take 2 holidays (WHY!)
-wants to have you all on the same flight (batshit crazy)

I really want to know the destination now!!

Also even the suggestion of everyone bringing a friend doesn’t work, I mean it might work but you all need to want the same type of holiday and if you don’t know each other then you don’t care what A and C want to do, you just want to do x, y, z and no stranger is stopping you.

JanKind · 18/05/2018 22:13

A’s boyfriend is controlling this as he has offered to pay for her too

Athena18 · 18/05/2018 22:21

A’s boyfriend. What is he thinking going on a girls’ holiday? He should have seen the light and declined if A hasn’t the wit to see it’s never ok no matter how nice or laid back he is. If however A is insistent let her go with her boyfriend and let BC and D go somewhere else. Why oh why is there always one?

OytheBumbler · 18/05/2018 22:23

I've not read the full thread but I'm surprised most seem to think A is BU.

Wouldn't bother me who came. I don't change my behaviour according to the people I'm with. A holiday is a holiday.

LalalalaaaCantHearYou · 19/05/2018 00:04

A is definitely BU
Could the BF not join A at this destination on the day when BCDEFGHI are about to leave so basically A has an extended holiday?

Sparklyglitter · 19/05/2018 00:19

Personally think that’s weird. Sounds like A just wants to get her holiday paid for! Either girlie holiday, couples holiday or friends but a mixture in that scenario sounds weird and would ruin the dynamics!

hellsbellsmelons · 19/05/2018 06:08

Yep. Good decision OP
She sounds like hard work.

Snewname · 19/05/2018 07:50

Let us know what happens when you pull out. Will the others mind, or will they copy you?
Good decision I think.

faithinthesound · 19/05/2018 08:27

Good for you. She sounded like hard work (and I despise that phrase so me using it is a big deal lol). I can't abide the kind of woman who meets someone and immediately wants to throw her friends aside for that person.

I do understand that the relationship between romantic partners is very different than that between friends, but I don't at all see that, for example, Jane's friends should just have to write Jane off because Jane met John and now they never see her. It's lazy and selfish on Jane's part to my thinking, because despite how much she loves John, the only thing her friends have done is... not be John. How is that fair?

If I had a dollar for all the friends I've lost because they met someone and basically crawled under a rock with that person and stopped answering mine and everyone else's calls, I could pay for A's sodding flight myself.

Fandangos · 19/05/2018 08:52

I think A needs to go to the destination being considered at a later date, with boyfriend. There must be another desirable holiday destination for the girls’ trip.

ALiensAbductedMe · 19/05/2018 09:01

Wouldn't bother me at all. If they go off to do couple things I'd still have my other mates so either way it would be a fun group holiday. Also, if it turns out it is because A's boyfriend is a controlling prick it's a good opportunity to realise this and help my friend, A.

Ohfuckinghellwhatnow · 19/05/2018 09:33

Oh no. No no no. A girls hol is a girls hol! I wouldn't want my or anyone elses bf there, completely changes dynamic.

Ohyesiam · 19/05/2018 09:35

A
She also doesn’t understand what a group dynamic is if she thinks another person won’t alter it.