Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

[NasdaqYouTwat]

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

A is BU. The plan was for a girls holiday and it should remain that way or she should cancel and just go with her bf. You can't just add someone into the mix, it changes the dynamic.

It should be pointed out to A that it will be crap for her if she brings him. BC&D will be sharing a room, getting ready together and laughing about things they've done on nights out, while she'll be sharing a room with BF and will probably feel a bit left out of things. Any time she does spend with her friends will be split between trying to stay in the loop of the conversation and checking that her BF is ok and not being left out.

It needs to be either a girls only holiday, a couples holiday or just the two of them. Seeing as the second option is a no go, I think you just need her to decide between the other two choices.

My friends and I go on a city break together every year.

We don’t and wouldn’t ever take partners or husbands, because we all know it’s a “girls trip”.

Nobody is saying that A can’t go to this particular place with her boyfriend.

But pretending it doesn’t change the dynamic, or pretending that it’s not a bit odd having one person’s boyfriend tag along on a trip that has been female friends only is disingenuous in the extreme.

Just do a cheap weekend away for her birthday, then leave her to holiday with boyfriend and you, C and D can holiday properly separately.

She sounds like a pain in the arse! Just pull out of the trip.

Well if she doesn’t want to go on two holidays even though her boyfriend has agreed to pay for one of them and she’s a student with about 5 months’ holiday a year then she will just have to decide whether she’d rather go on a couple holiday with her boyfriend or a girlie holiday with her mates, won’t she?

I think this is cheeky fuckery, to be honest with you, and in your position I would be reconsidering whether I want to go on holiday with A at all. Princess wants everything her own way and everyone else to fall into line, doesn’t she? Sod that for a game of soldiers. Even if you go on a girls’ holiday together it’ll be all about her, won’t it?

A and her boyfriend should have talked about it and planned better. He can't come on a girls' holiday.

A.

It does change things.

A

A needs to choose between girls holiday or couple holiday if she doesn't want to do both. Doesn't matter if its her birthday, assume everyone is paying their way, it's their holiday as well.

A's boyfriend sounds like a bit of a tool if he's happy to gatecrash a girl's holiday.

B, C, D should arrange a holiday on their own, can invite A but make it clear it's girls only.

Sorry girls' not girl's

If I was B or C, i'd be backing out now. It would change the dynamics totally.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

There's a million destinations in the world to go to. Why is he wanting to got there during their girls' holiday and willing to pay?

Sounds controlling much?

I would be right pissed off with a random bloke tagging along on a holiday I had planned with friends. Of course it will change the whole dynamic!

If he's a good guy he will wave you off and tell you to have a good time.

Is it a type of girly holiday to Shagaluf? (nothing wrong with that either).

A goes on a couple's holiday to destination with boyfriend

B/C/D pull out of unbooked holiday and go on girls holiday wherever they want together.

People who are described as 'laid back' are often lazy idiots who, for example, put empty milk bottles in the fridge rather than replacing them, and they often infuriate me.

I can't see how a boyfriend being 'laid back' justifies him being super-fun company on a trip that was originally planned among a group of women.

Is A often the friend who has other friends competing for her attention?

A girls holiday is just that. A lads holiday likewise. A and her boyfriend are the unreasonable ones.

She has no reason not to want to go on two holidays when bf is paying for I've and as a student she has loads of free time (I know I did it) . So she's just sulking.

*one not I've

If I was B C or D I'd just bail out. Is this A's first boyfriend? Does she want to rub everyone's nose in the fact that she's now HAVING SEX UNLIKE ALL YOU VIRGINS?

I did once take my then boyfriend on a 'mates' holiday where he was the only male, but my friends all knew and liked him and we had a good time. And the holiday wasn't a nightclubby one - it was six of us staying in a rural cottage, going for walks, cooking big meals and playing boardgames.

We suggested going to a different destination so she can go to the original place with him but she said she didn't want to go on two holidays.

Well, if you don't want to come right out and say that you don't want him coming along with the four of you, say something like, "Maybe you two should go alone, and the three of us will do our own trip."
If he comes along to this, they might always expect him to be welcome.

A is BU.

I don't think it's an age thing - I am late 50s and enjoy holidays with girlfriends not wild nights out, I would be pretty miffed if one of my friends suggested bringing her husband - it completely changes the dynamics of the holiday. And equally my DH would hate to be joining a 'girl's holiday'.

Even my 80+ mother likes her trips away 'with the girls' - and in fact my 87 year old Dad has golfing/college reunions with his friends. .

If this trip was specifically arranged between four girls it is downright rude for A to suggest bringing her boyfriend. Have you paid up front?

A is being very unreasonable.

Basically she is saying she would rather go on holiday with her boyfriend than her friends. If she won't do two separate holidays I would say I was pulling out if boyfriend went.

She sounds a tad pathetic.

What's the destination, OP? Because if the boyfriend is willing to pay to take A away on holiday I don't understand why he doesn't just either a) choose another destination or b) persuade her to go again with him (given that she won't be paying anyway). He can't possibly have been to all the places in the world that he'd like to go to! And if the destination is that great then I'm sure it will bear more than one trip there for A.

Alternatively, the suggestion of the boyfriend flying out for the beginning or end of the trip and them having a few nights away just the two of them is a brilliant one.

Ultimately A can't make you all go on this holiday with her and the boyfriend, so if you keep saying no, it won't happen and she will have to choose which holiday she wants.

It WILL change they dynamic. No question. If I was B or C, I wouldn't be going.

Another suggestion was that we all bring a friend/boyfriend which again is a totally different holiday. I'm most probably going to pull out and save my money but I now feel petty/unreasonable because the others all seem to be okay with this plan.