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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

217 replies

NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 17:13

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 17/05/2018 18:48

but she said she didn't want to go on two holidays

Can she do week one with BF buggering off on day 7 and you girls join her then? Week each?

MollyCule · 17/05/2018 18:48

A is BU. Is there any chance she wants you all to go on this holiday together because it's where she wants to go and her and bf can't afford as nice accommodation or whatever if you don't all go?

Can't see any good reason why you can't go somewhere else another time and leave her and the bf to go on their own. I would just back out if I were you but would maybe suggest doing a weekend somewhere instead.

Metoodear · 17/05/2018 18:48

Why would he want to come with just women

FrangipaniBlue · 17/05/2018 18:50

What man wants to go on holiday with four women?

This kind....

It turned out he was a controlling jealous arsehole who insisted on accompanying her bloody everywhere.

And as for this....

We suggested going to a different destination so she can go to the original place with him but she said she didn't want to go on two holidays.

Nope. Her BOYFRIEND doesn't want to her to go on a second holiday without him there.

What bloody 21yr old wouldn't jump at the chance of two holidays, especially if one is paid for by someone else?!

daimbars · 17/05/2018 18:53

Why don't A, B, C and D have their girls holiday for a week then B, C and D fly home and boyfriend joins A for a second week?

Leeds2 · 17/05/2018 18:55

I would pull out too, OP. Let the other two decide for themselves whether or not to do the same. But if the other two have partners, and you don't, you might find that they all go on couples holidays in the future without you. Which may be no great loss!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 18:56

I'm getting a bit annoyed with A now. Grin

She and her (possibly controlling) boyfriend are being really inflexible and refusing to consider you and friend's suggestions..ie go to another destination, or have a separate holiday with bf etc.

Maybe it's best if A doesn't come. B, C and D fuck off to Ibiza and take E instead. Smile

brodiee · 17/05/2018 18:57

I'd pull out. Let her go on her 'one' holiday. She's obviously intent on her bf coming with.

I had a friend like this. She wanted to bring her bf to my hen do...Hmm

Save your money and go on a hol with your other friends later on. Having her fella along will totally change the dynamic.

MollyCule · 17/05/2018 19:00

I had a friend like this. She wanted to bring her bf to my hen do Shock

Good luck OP, I hate when peopld fuck with my holidays! If you pull out maybe C&D will feel like they can too and then you can go somewhere else as others have suggested.

MadMags · 17/05/2018 19:02

I had a friend like this. She wanted to bring her bf to my hen do Shock

How did that pan out then??

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 19:06

Bf on hen do Grin I can't help thinking it's the man instigating this sort of thing.

They don't trust the girlfriend and don't want them to have a life away from them. It's usually followed by the bloke taking a dislike to all the girlfriends and the couple end up distanced from everyone.

Elementtree · 17/05/2018 19:08

Maybe it's best if A doesn't come. B, C and D fuck off to Ibiza and take E instead.

GrinEnvy

Elementtree · 17/05/2018 19:08

That was meant to be two grins - fat fingers

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 19:10

Substituting A for E and jetting to Ibiza is clearly the best solution Grin
Happy days.

DiegoMadonna · 17/05/2018 19:12

I know what you mean about it seeming petty, but if the alternative is wasting money on a trip you don't enjoy, then I'd choose the former option.

I would just tell them straight up that you want to go on a girls holiday without bfs. If A doesn't want to do that, she doesn't have to. If C and D say they prefer to go with A and her bf, then you just save the money and stay home, or suck it up and go with them, depending on how much you really think it will ruin the holiday.

In my experience of these things, it is A and her bf that will end up feeling sidelined while B, C and D enjoy themselves. So I think I'd just go and let A do her own thing while you guys have fun. I've been on holidays with mates where some have brought partners, and they've mostly just gone out less and it hasn't really affected the rest of us.

DiegoMadonna · 17/05/2018 19:16

Nope. Her BOYFRIEND doesn't want to her to go on a second holiday without him there.

What bloody 21yr old wouldn't jump at the chance of two holidays, especially if one is paid for by someone else?!

Even if it IS her saying that, it's not really OP's problem is it?

This is a girl's holiday, either A comes or she doesn't. If she'd rather go with her bf, fine, but not as part of their trip. Obviously I'd word that more tactfully with friends, but that's about the gist of what I would tell her, OP.

neveradullmoment99 · 17/05/2018 19:18

why would he want to come? I think that the idea that someone posted that said that A's boyfriend can come after would be a good idea.

LagunaBubbles · 17/05/2018 19:19

Of course it would change the dynamic. Especially since they don't know him. My 2 close friends wouldn't mind my DH coming on something like this because they are close friends with him to, but this is different. A should go with her boyfriend. Then B, c and D should go somewhere else.

NameyMcNamechangeface · 17/05/2018 19:26

A is an absolute knob. Back slooooowly away! Of course the bf being along will totally change the dynamic. Basically she has blown off her friends in favour of a lovey dovey couple holiday where you are all gooseberries.

islaand · 17/05/2018 19:29

I had this!
A few years ago a friend (who is pretty loaded) offered to pay for a group of us to rent a villa in Greece. We paid for our own flights.
We've all known each other years. Once it was all booked she announced that her new boyfriend would be coming.
Anyone who complained was shot down with 'well, I did pay for it' even though we'd all paid for our own flights.
Anyway, the dynamic was weird and friend and boyfriend ended up going off on their own a lot, it defeated the object of going away to celebrate her bday.
Their relationship didn't last long after the holiday and I'll never go on holiday again with her. So weird.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/05/2018 19:29

My DP and his friend had a boys holiday booked when we met. It was quite far in the future and I'd met his friend - but his friend swapped flights with me so I could go; although I'd have happily stayed at home or gone with them both and let them lead the holiday.

Look for compromises. If there are none, it should stay as it is - but if everyone else is happy, you might struggle to make much progress.

Do you generally still get to see her, with or without him? Would you be happier if you met him a few times before you went, or is it just the dynamic?

madeyemoodysmum · 17/05/2018 19:30

Crap idea Boyf not welcome

bimbobaggins · 17/05/2018 20:22

I’d get tshirts printed for the trip saying
Hols over balls

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 20:28

Hols over balls Grin he he Or maybe Chicks before dick.

bimbobaggins · 17/05/2018 20:30

I’d heard of that before but was trying to incorporate the holiday theme Smile