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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

217 replies

NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 17:13

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 17/05/2018 17:43

Can they meet him more before? Do they not like him?
I don't get why it's an issue. Unless the guy is an arse. They can all have fun.
It all depends what the couple are like. Many ppl can just hang out like friends.

bearbehind · 17/05/2018 17:43

So 5foot5 is A then! 😂

JessicaJonesJacket · 17/05/2018 17:43

I don't think anyone is being UR unless there is going to be a drip feed that A's bf is super controlling and never lets her leave the country on her own
If it's a place A's bf has always wanted to go then it makes sense he would like to go there with A.
If B, C, and D don't particularly care about the destination then why don't A, B, C and D book a different holiday? Then A and her bf can go to the first destination as a couple's holiday whenever they want.

DingDongDenny · 17/05/2018 17:44

I don't agree with people saying it's As birthday so she gets to choose. The others are spending a fair bit of money for a holiday, it's not just a meal out. I think it needs to work for everyone

Celebelly · 17/05/2018 17:44

A.

Also why would A's boyfriend even want to come along on what was meant to be a girls' trip?! Odd.

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 17:44

Of course it would change the dynamic! Who brings their boyfriend on a girls’ holiday FFS?

IrmaFayLear · 17/05/2018 17:45

A

Dh and his mates arranged a boys’ weekend a while ago. In the exotic location of Cardiff. It was a chance to catch up and have a few beers, reminisce etc. One turned up with his wife. And then proceeded to try to change the itinerary to smart dinners instead of curries at the end of the night etc.

Dh was pretty furious and disappointed.

Scrumptiousbears · 17/05/2018 17:46

Girls only or not at all.

I also think couples who do everything together need to sort it out. If they ever spilt up they'll be more lost then ever

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 17/05/2018 17:47

madmags
the op is written like the trip is for As birthday... if so then I think my point about money stands. Why would she want to go to the same place a different time with her partner at extra cost? bit odd if the trip was originally supposed to be for her birthday.

And I guess im just not a girls holiday type of person which is why I dont understand it. I have female friends and I go on holiday with them, sometimes with some partners and sometimes without, sometimes with male friends as well.... i dont really get why its an issue? Maybe if you were young girls... but as you get older friends are gonna have partners and unless you are made of money and free time, you arent gonna want to go on holiday multiple times a year just so you can get time both with your partner and with your friends.
Just seems a bit harsh to me to make someone you consider a friend choose between time and money spent on spending time with partner or with friends. Shouldnt have to be a choice. Id never exclude a friends partner regardless of how long theyd been together.

itsbetterthanabox · 17/05/2018 17:48

Obviously if he dictated what they were doing that would be an issue but if he's just coming along and being relaxed I don't get the issue at all.
Why is it weird he wants to go when there's women there? Men and women can be friends.
Not all men are awful lads.

FASH84 · 17/05/2018 17:48

It's either a couples trip or a friends trip can the others bring their partners?

thethoughtfox · 17/05/2018 17:49

Anyone who suggests bringing their boyfriend on a girls' holiday

Notonthestairs · 17/05/2018 17:49

A's suggestion won't work out well for anyone. It won't be a romantic break but neither will it properly be a friends holiday.

Plus I think on practicalities alone it's a non starter.

A, B, C and D go on holiday = 2 rooms.

A,B, C, D and A's BF = 2 rooms (B,C and D in one, A and ABF in another so either B,C or D end up in crappy camp bed arrangement) or 3 rooms meaning someone is paying extra to be on their tod?

SoapOnARoap · 17/05/2018 17:49

A. What a weirdo

Original poster
NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 17:50

We're all University student with one recent graduate (not A)

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 17/05/2018 17:53

Won't work to all go. Holiday will be neither one thing nor the other. A and bf go as a couple, the others go somewhere else for their holiday but have a girls' night out at home for A's birthday.

cushioncovers · 17/05/2018 17:53

If it's A's birthday why don't her and her bf just go themselves?

FASH84 · 17/05/2018 17:54

If you're that young and everyone other than A is single, go on holiday with your friends, bf can organise a different trip another time. I'm in my thirties and get on well with my friends' partners and husbands, so would happily go away with them whether DH could come or not and so would they, but these are long term relationships and marriages and we all socialise as couples as well as just with friends so everyone knows everyone

FASH84 · 17/05/2018 17:55

Maybe she can go to that destination with bf and the girls trip can be somewhere else

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 17:55

I think the thing about A’s birthday is a red herring.

If A (and B, C and D) all want to spend their money on a holiday together to celebrate A’s birthday, great.

But on the assumption that A/A’s boyfriend aren’t paying for B, C and D as well then they have no right to insist that B, C and D spend their own money going on a different kind of holiday to the one they want, which it obviously will be if A’s boyfriend is there.

Birthday or no birthday.

lindyhopy · 17/05/2018 17:56

A

User314 · 17/05/2018 17:56

A is trying to tell you without telling you that the holiday she lead you to believe you were all going on is going to fall on its face.
Town Crier: ''She's going with her boyfriend now'' .

Scribblegirl · 17/05/2018 17:57

Are you particularly bothered about the location? I’d suggest somewhere else to go with the girls and suggest A and her bf go to original destination if he wants to go that much.

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 17:57

And assuming it’s a 21st... christ on a bike. My 21st was a party in my student house. And even my 30th was a fairly budget meal in a restaurant because I didn’t want people to spend more money than they could really afford just because I was having a birthday.

Dancingmonkey87 · 17/05/2018 17:57

Ditch A let her go away with her bf,I’m guessing he’s new on the scene and the rest of you all go separately.