Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

[NasdaqYouTwat]

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

A is being unreasonable to add a BF to the mix after a girls trip was originally planned.

If BF was a long term friend of everyone else then is could possibly work out but that doesn't sound like the case.

A's suggestion is a no go. I was also going to suggest what a couple of others have upthread, which is that A-D go on their girls' holiday to a different destination and A and her DP go on holiday another time to the original destination.
Obviously, whether this works depends on whether the particular location is just important to A and DP or also to B-D.

It was arranged as a girls trip
So it should stay as a girls trip.

If A is insistent about the bf, I’d quietly withdraw from the holiday.

I've read this on here before.

So you're all late teens/ early twenties? "A" might not even be with this boyfriend next year? I assume he's new on the scene if none of her friends have met him or got to know him? She's being a bit ridiculous to impose this on you all.

Just seems a bit harsh to me to make someone you consider a friend choose

But you expect BCand D to just suck it up? It's A that's making the others chose not B C or D

Can't usually be arsed with A B C D etc threads but in the case I'll be benevolent and say

He is bu

No men allowed.

ah yeah well it does make a difference that you are all so young. I think as you get older you do have to embrace peoples partners more willingly because relationships become more serious and you have less free time and less money.
If you are all students I can see why some of you are a bit miffed.

I dont think the birthday thing is a red herring though. Surely if the trip was supposed to be about her birthday its odd to dictate to her who should come?

I just think in the grand scheme of things its better not to alienate friends over their relationships.

I mean worst case scenario is you guys dont like him and he doesnt want to join in.
Well in that case they can just go off on their own cant they and you and the other two can go and do the things you want to do.
Its not like anyones gonna be third wheeling the couple because theres three of you who will want to do things together.

SUggest she goes with her boyfriend and you’ll do something else for her b’day as a group.

I agree about the birthday being a red herring.

I dislike holidays or big expensive events (which the attendees pay for) for birthdays.

Friends are often similar ages so celebrate 'big' birthdays at the same time.

It's not fair to make a whole holiday 'for your birthday' as it's very unlikely you could do the same for the other 3 (in this example)

It doesn’t matter whether the trip is “supposed to be about her birthday” or not. It was also supposed to be a girls’ holiday, which is something the others were looking forward to and happy to spend their money on. Having A’s boyfriend hanging around would make it a different kind of holiday, one they don’t want to go on. It’s not rocket science.

Can you imagine sitting on the balcony at night chatting and drinking wine before you go out partying with some loser boyfriend there snogging girl A or whoever?

Just no.

Just seen you're a student/young - even bigger NO.

Boyfriends don't belong on girls holidays. It would totally change the dynamic and they all know it.

A is being vu.

Dh would rather chew his own arm off than gatecrash a girls' holiday.

AIBU (A is being unreasonable). It would probably change the dynamic.

A and her bf are being unreasonable. It will totally change the dynamic of the holiday, but as it's not booked yet B & C have the choice not to go. If they feel strongly then I would advise them to exercise their choice or suggest a change of destination to somewhere that A's bf doesn't want to go!

Boyfriend coming totally changes it to the point that it would be better not to go.

A is being unreasonable. It was a girls holiday. If the boyfriend goes, it would change the dynamics of the group. I’m with you on this op. It’s either a girls holiday or A goes with her boyfriend. Where’s the destination anyway? Being noisy!

Does the BF really want to come?

If they are using the logic of BF wanting to go to that location and no point going twice then A, B, C and D should go somewhere else without the BF on a different trip. A should go on her birthday to the destination with her BF and the rest of you should plan a trip somewhere else which doesn't fall on her birthday (giving her more say in the plans). If As BF is paying for her to go, then A can afford to go on the girly trip as well.

We suggested going to a different destination so she can go to the original place with him but she said she didn't want to go on two holidays.

Either it's a girls trip or it's not. If it was sold to me as a girls trip and them someone said their boyfriend was coming along, I'd back out. It will change things.

And even though the boyfriend is willing to pay for their holiday she thinks it's a waste of money when he can just come on the group trip.