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Original poster

Bringing a boyfriend on a girls' holiday

217 replies

NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 17:13

Person A is celebrating a big birthday next year and as they've been meaning to go on a holiday together, has planned to go on a holiday with B, C, and D.

A's boyfriend also wants to go to this destination and is willing to pay for A. A thinks its a waste of time and money going to the same destination twice and would like her boyfriend to join the group trip.

B and C are against this as they don't know A's boyfriend (having only met him once) and think he'll change the dynamic of the group and they won't be able to let their hair down. A argues that her boyfriend is laid back and won't change the group dynamic.

D doesn't mind if the boyfriend comes.

Who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 17/05/2018 21:08

In your shoes I'd drop out. Spend your money on the type of holiday you want.

GreenTulips · 17/05/2018 21:14

AnchorDownDeepBreath

Did you really swipe someone's holiday? why would you do that? Why didn't you book a separate one?

SandyY2K · 17/05/2018 21:17

If I was B or C I'd pull out of the trip. It won't be the same with one guy there. I don't care how laid back he is.

It changes the dynamics of the group.

ScrubTheDecks · 17/05/2018 21:31

“So its As big birthday? Then I think its fair enough to want her boyfriend to come.” And it’s also fair enough for BCD to not want to spend holiday time and money playing trio of gooseberries!

I think A is just chickening out of saying she’d rather go with her bf now, and pulling out.

Have you said to her ‘That’s Fantastic that he wants to treat you to this hol, you must go! Don’t be held back by our plan, we understand “. And you 3 book somewhere desperately.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 17/05/2018 21:43

Nope, I wouldn't go. Save your money.

Usernameunknown2 · 17/05/2018 21:59

I'd pull out too OP and be very annoyed at her for changing plans and loosing you money. She's 'saving money' but you would lose it on a shit holiday.

Original poster
NasdaqYouTwat · 17/05/2018 22:24

Some of the other group have suggested she spends half the time with him first and then we fly out later and he leaves or vice versa.

She's said she doesn't want to because the flights are important to her and she wants us all to be on the same flights.

I think she's annoyed that I've said no to the boyfriend and it sounds like she's just going to go with him.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 22:26

Good riddance to bad rubbish, she sounds like hard work and I would not bother to make holiday plans with her in future.

Leeds2 · 17/05/2018 22:42

She would be on the same flights as you one way, and with her boyfriend for the other. She is trying to manipulate you. B, C and D should book their own holiday (either in the original destination, or elsewhere) and let her make her own plans.

5foot5 · 17/05/2018 22:44

So 5foot5 is A then!

Ha ha ha! Having read a more recent update I realize I am more than likely to be old enough to be their mothers and my comment about them wanting to pretend they are still 18 - well it sounds like they are near enough!

I was imagining a group of late 20s / early 30s. But given they are still all students I guess not and maybe I was a bit harsh. Perhaps I can understand B and Cs objections a bit better.

lhastingsmua · 17/05/2018 22:58

She should celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend and have a seperate girls holiday later. Such a weird dynamic with one couple and 3 friends. It would have more sense if the other girls invited their partners too, but then it probably wouldn’t make sense for her birthday. As the others don’t really know him, it will basically be the couple and everyone else separate as she can’t really leave him alone to do his own thing. It 100% changes the dynamic, you won’t all be able to get ready together, speak freely as besties do, bond etc. It will 100% be them, and you 3 having separate holidays and outings

I think this set up only works if the boyfriend is close to the others too, like the same friendship group from school, uni etc so A wouldn’t a

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/05/2018 22:58

I do get the idea of you ALL bringing a plus one (be that an extra friend or a bf), because then it'll be quite a big group and there'll be lots of people so whoever wants to do something, there's likely to be someone to do it with you too.

However, that's a very different thing to 4 good friends going on holiday together. [and not some people's cup of tea at all. I think quite a lot of people would be horrified at the idea of going on holiday with strangers or people they hardly know. Being part of the same party, I mean... not the same desination, obvs!]

What are you going to do OP? Can you pull out without causing upset. If you're B/C, what does C/B think? It sounds like D either knows the BF or is quite laid back.

ScrubTheDecks · 17/05/2018 23:01

“She's said she doesn't want to because the flights are important to her and she wants us all to be on the same flights. “

The flights are more important! Confused That’s bonkers.

lhastingsmua · 17/05/2018 23:04
  • so A wouldn’t always be with him.

If she really doesn’t want to go on two holidays (!!) then I think all the girls should fly out first as originally planned then the bf can fly in on the other 3 girl’s last day and the couple can extend the holiday together.

GreenTulips · 17/05/2018 23:07

Got to love A's self importance

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 23:14

Well quite GreenTulips It's my birthday and I want to invite my new boyfriend now and if I don't get my way I'll stamp and scweam til I'm sick

Duck90 · 17/05/2018 23:24

She obviously wants to go with him over the friends group. The girls will just be an add on to her vision of a “romantic” holiday. I would pull out.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/05/2018 23:26

So basically, she has a counter argument for absolutely every scenario that isn't the one SHE wants?
The only thing she is going to be happy with and agree to, is all 5 of you going together.
Either she doesn't want to spend any of her own money and can get around that by her boyfriend coming, shes reveling in being centre of attention by having her friends and her boyfriend there and it will all be about her, or he doesn't trust her and is being controlling about her going without him so its he comes along, for the whole trip, or she gets it in the neck and told she can't go.

Whatever the reason, personally if she insists on the bf coming, i'd back out. Holidays aren't cheap, especially when you're a student, and its not going to be anything like the holiday it would be if it were just the 4 good female friends going. If the 4 of you would have say, gone out drinking and dancing, is he going to want to do that, or would he complain, try to change plans or ruin it by sulking if you do go? I know i couldn't relax and be myself if there's someone i dont know there, i'd just end up wishing i hadn't gone.

If the other 2 still go or not would be their call, but i wouldn't be wasting my money on a sub standard holiday so princess can have it all her way.

MiddleMoffat · 17/05/2018 23:40

You might have to listen to them shagging. Just no.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 23:41

B and C go off on your hols alone and leave A, A’s bf and D to go away together. If he’s really lucky they’ll all share a room. Wink

Very entitled and childish attitude of A. Had they been going away and both invited the 3 of you, that would be somewhat different.

grandplans · 18/05/2018 00:02

Another suggestion was that we all bring a friend/boyfriend which again is a totally different holiday.

Could be fun though.

I'd be friend D in this situation. Way too much stress over a holiday, it's meant to be fun.

Yes it would have been nice to go away all women, but if it changes into a bigger holiday - why not?

emmyrose2000 · 18/05/2018 00:39

A is obviously unreasonable. She sounds quite immature with wanting everything her own way. Is this for her fifth birthday?

itswinetime · 18/05/2018 00:46

A is either, completely self centred and socially unaware or she would rather go with him than you but doesn't want to be the one that pulls out and would rather be the victim! You know all look how my friends have let me down dramatic Facebook post ect. Either way I'd flat out say I'm out. Stop all the back and forth you won't get anywhere.

malpa · 18/05/2018 01:13

You've all (A, B, C and D) "been meaning to go on a holiday together" - but for what purpose?

Because now...

  • A wants her boyfriend to tag along - romantic break?
  • B and C want to "be able to let their hair down" - fun, fun and fun? Wink
  • D doesn't seem bothered either way - sightseeing and topping up her tan?

It's not about who is being unreasonable. You're obviously not on the same page regarding this holiday, in which case you all need to review your reasons for going and either compromise or go your separate ways.

user1483875094 · 18/05/2018 17:46

*B, C & D need to book their own holiday.

A and Bf who appear soldered together at the hip need to book their own holiday.*

This, over and over again.........