Pregnant with (extremely) new partner. Fuck.

[Llamaface123]

DH left 2 years ago. Have rebuilt my life with DS (6) and he sees him a few times a week.
I started seeing someone late December. He is a friend of a friend and she set us up.
It's been wonderful. He is lovely and has made it clear that he sees us having a future together.
I have been feeling sick for a couple of days and my breasts are very tender. Yes, you guessed it...im pregnant.
We are incredibly careful so I don't know what has happened. We have never-and I mean never-had sex without a condom.
I don't know what to do. DS has no idea that this guy is even part of my life (I only see him when DS is at his dad's). Im in a complete muddle and I need to know if I have more options than not having the baby. It's too soon/how would DS cope/ logistics.
The thing is I want the baby. I've been broody for a long time and while it's early days, I really do love my new partne, but are my hormones clouding rational judgement?
It's a bad idea, isn't it??
Fuck shit bollocks.

I'm as profoundly pro-choice as it's possible to get - would support a woman's right to choose, for the worthiest or flimsiest of reasons, up until birth.

But I can't support aborting a wanted pregnancy / wanted baby.

That has disaster written all over. And aborting a wanted pregnancy for the sake of an older child is a terrible idea. Terrible. Way to splinter a mother-child relationship, and put something on a child that they never asked for or would've expected.

OP - you want this baby, so that's that. Whether your DP comes along for the ride remains to be seen, but you and your DS will be fine, no matter how much the doom-mongers might like to disagree.

This thread makes my blood run cold as i have a 6yr old, not long split from her dad and an old friend popped up wanting a relationship and i couldnt see why not we too always use condoms but i have got pregnant via that route in the past somehow also!?

My DP is late thirties and in his own words wants to settle down. He's childless and anti-children when we met but has started to wibble on that point a little. I feel more open minded about it since meeting him although its all far too soon now...

I would be guarded though and basically plan for being single mother of two...pessimistic i know but past experiences dictate that!!

There's some really interesting discussion regarding roles and responsibilities. To be honest, some of this stuff never even crossed my mind so it's helpful to have lots of different perspectives.

Spent all day thinking and all night tossing and turning. I see partner tonight so I guess what'll be will be.

I swing from wanting the baby to thinking what the hell am I doing? My responsibilities are to DS above all and I have to really think about how he would cope if mummy was on her own with him and another baby.

I think partner will be genuinely positive about the pregnancy. I need to be the voice of reason and make sure we're thinking of the whole picture.

I wish it was an easy decision but it's not. I guess by tomorrow I'll know one way or the other and can start thinking ahead

I agree with the others about not aborting for the older child's sake, what a terrible thing to place on their head without their knowledge :(

I would be guarded though and basically plan for being single mother of two

This

And if you can and want to cope with this, then have the baby

Tell him at the weekend. Your plan needs to be either don't have the baby or to go it alone. If he's not up for fatherhood, you cannot force him into it...if you do decide to go ahead. I wish you luck, health and happiness!! !! 💐💐💐💐 hope it all works out for you.

I got pregnant with my first 2/3 months after meeting his dad.

My second 6 months after meeting exp and we were to get her 4.5 Years and then 1/2 months with OH and we've been together 4 years this year.

I was in your position and We decided to terminate, things were too raw for me from the past and I wasn't sure.14 years on we are married, have another child and a grandchild (from my then 6 year old ).
Things can work out! Just do what's in your heart.

What I meant was you need to choose with your DP with all that you know about your situation, handle your DS with love no matter what and it will work out

It's not as though you've been playing fast & loose with your contraception, what with using condoms every time.

I'm pleased for you - I hope things work out

I fell pregnant with DC1 when me and DH had only been together for about 6 weeks. It was a huge shock but we went ahead with the pregnancy and gave our relationship a shot.

We’ve been together for nearly 11 years now, married for several and have two more DC.

Your relationship could obviously work out, but just because this has happened early on doesn’t mean it won’t turn out well. Just as because a child is born into a relationship that’s maybe ten years old and then they could break up two years later and she’s then a single parent.

As long as you are prepared to be a single parent to this new baby (shouldn’t we all be prepared for that tbf) then you will be fine.

Your DS will adapt. I’m quite surprised that people are actually telling you he won’t!!

Hope all goes well tonight. Babies are a blessing and you want this baby.

If you want this baby (& it sounds as if you do) then a termination would potentially be devastating. It’s not necessarily an easy way out.

Lots of good points above. RE your DS adapting, remember too that you will have all day while DS is at school to bond with new baby. For the first few months or so new baby would be quite happy to be ignored a bit in the sling/asleep in the moses basket etc for a large portion of the time that DS is around, so your focus can still be DS.

Also, your partner could take the baby out to give you and DS time together.

Introducing your DP is a separate issue and can be dealt with as such.

This is totally doable.

CandiedPeach That’s why I said they need to decide quickly so the mother can base her decision in going it alone or not.

Hope things work out ok OP. As you say you really want another child and you know this might not happen again naturally, what is holding you back?

I personally think this is your decision, not your parters and not your son's.

I think you need to decide what you want to do, because, to be blunt, what he says tonight counts for jack shit.

You are the one who either has a termination and lives with that (terminating a wanted baby isn’t easy on your mental health) and it’s not going to do your relationship with DS any good, now or in the future, because you risk resenting him for it.

Or

You are the one who has to be prepared to shoulder 100% of the responsibility for the baby/child.

Because no matter what he says now, there’s nothing to stop him walking away later on. There’s nothing that can make him take on any of the responsibility

As for DS, yes, you and he are a ‘team’ but your ‘job’ is to give him wings to fly, part of that is accepting you both have other relationships that are important to you and people that you both love. A sibling is a gain, not a loss.

You’re excited...surely that tells you a termination is off the cards and that you just need to focus on having a healthy pregnancy and IF DP says he wants to stick around, to start involving him in your day to day life with DS.

Get signed up to the Dr/Midwife and get a scan sorted 😊

Fantastic post Annie

All parents worry about the impact of a sibling on their existing child, ot’s a normal process.

Good luck tonight OP, although as others have said, it’s your decision and your life, you just need to know if he wants to come along for the ride.

Hope your discussion tonight goes well.

My siblings are one of the best things in my life, OP. You can't predict the future but the idea that you'd be doing badly by your son by having another baby is nonsense. I was just the right age (2.5) to feel horribly displaced when my brother came along, and I did, but I got over it and I wouldn't change being a big sister for anything. Your little boy is six and much less likely to struggle with a new arrival, because you'll be able to explain everything to him and make sure he feels involved.

Good luck talking to your DP!

Thinking of you OP, I hope that telling your bf went well last night

Hope last night went well op

I hope you are OK OP. xx

Any update OP? How did it go?

Hope you’re ok

I hope everything went well for you OP