Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

does she wake up easliy and by herself, what time does she have to get up?

Ds3 (almost 12) goes to bed around 10pm and usually reads until 10:30/11:00. However he doesn't have to be up until 8am for a 9am start. Once he goes to secondary, after the summer, he may need to go earlier as it's further away and starts at 8:45.

all kids are different. Mine never had bedtimes, they did not need routines at set times when little and just went off to bed when they felt tired

We have a little video of DD17 when she was 4 stamping her foot at the living room door (at 5pm!!!) saying

"It really is story time now daddy. I brushed-ed my teeth and EVERYTHING"

Bev agree! Ds1 is always up at 6.30am no matter what time he goes to bed. Doesn't mean he's not knackered the next day though, and after a few late nights he desperately needs an early one to cope.

I've never managed to get my 2 DSs to sleep regularly before 8:30 at any age. If I did manage it, bowing to "received wisdom" and got them to sleep at e.g. 7:30, they'd be awake 30 minutes later and then wouldn't go back to sleep until around 11pm.
But the pay off for them going to bed at 8:30/9pm was that they never really woke up much before 8am.
DS1 does tend to wake up earlier now he's 10, but DS2 still needs waking up at 7:45am.

When we were in the UK last July though, they absolutely could not understand why they had to go to bed while it was still daylight - in Australia, it's never light where we are past 8:30 at night, not even in the height of summer, so to still be light as day at 10pm was a novel experience for them! I mostly gave in and let them stay up later because we were on holiday though.

Hi OP my dd is 10 and also in bed by 8pm, no screens but she is allowed to read a book until 8.30.

She gets up at 7am for school.

No, it is common sense.

My 10 year old is in bed for 8pm as is my 12 year old, both are exhausted from a long day at school and doing sports, and they need time to unwind. They write diaries, read or peaceful time. I give them an hour before hand to talk to me, shower or have a bath and to get themselves in the right place.

Everyone is asleep by 8.30/8.45pm latest.

Weekends and holidays it is generally around 9pm (playing in the garden etc to 8.30pm) maybe later a tiny bit for an extra special occasion.

Sleep is essential and I put their (mostly) good mood and good concentration skills down to the ten and a half hours sleep they have each night.

No, I don't think it's cruel.

My 10 year old goes to bed at 8pm, later at weekends, but is always in bed by 9pm. She is later during holidays, but usually no later than 10.

She needs loads of sleep, & has to be up by 7 each morning. Every morning I have a battle to get her out of bed, and moving. I need to leave the house at 7.30.

At the weekend, she will quite easily sleep in til 10am, despite having gone to bed at 8.30 so no, going to bed at 8pm when she needs to be up early is not cruel, but sensible.

if this is her bedtime then stick with it.
I remember going to bed in the light.it was quite wimsicle now I look back on it.and I sigh in wonder when I think of ever being able to be able to relax into bed at 8 in the breezy light!

If she gets up at 7, surely she doesn't need 11 hours sleep? Around 10 hours is plenty at that age, I think 8.30pm is more reasonable. That still gives her a bit of time to read and be asleep by 9 and have enough sleep.

Too early by far for a 10-year old.

DD's sleep time is 8.30 to 9 max. She's 8 and the last hour is essentially when she's winding down. Brushing teeth, reading book a bit etc. Helps her to sleep.

Step kids are in bed by half seven for six year old, 8 for eight year old and 8.45 for ten year old. They have to be up early for school as we live far away and struggle if in bed later. So eight pm on a school night isn't that early

A Little early but depends what time she wakes up, why not extend it untill 8.30 as a trial and looks like your listening to her then.

I think it depends on the child, I have 2 grown up daughters, my eldest really needed her sleep so 8pm to 8.30 at the same age as this child worked really well for her however my younger dd needed far less sleep but was happy to relax in her room with a book or a story tape till 10pm then settle to sleep, I worked on the premis of what they needed not a strict bed time, as they got older they learned to recognise their own needs and became self regulating. Personally if this child is questioning the timing of their bed time maybe it’s time to review it

Depends on the child!

I never needed masses of sleep, so at that age bed time was around 8.30/9, but i would usually read until 11/midnight. Always up at 6.30/7 without an issue.

My DDs (9 and 6) never get to sleep before 9:16pm. We previously tried so hard to get them to bed earlier but they just never got to sleep before that time. So we just stopped worrying about getting them to bed early and we now let them sleep when they're ready to. They both sleep really well, right through the night, and they're not early risers. There is so much less stress now that we've stopped making it into a battle.

Not cruel at all. But only you know if she needs more/less sleep depending on her wake up time. My nearly 10 year old goes to bed at 8.30 on week nights and reads with lights out at 9. She's always out like a light but wouldn't be if I made her put the light out at 8.30. She has to get up about 7.15 so going on the carted posted by a pp is about right.

When I used to teach Air Cadets from 13+ we didn't even finish Parade until 9:30pm!

• the chart (Not 'the carted')!

DS1 is almost 9 and his bedtime is 8pm, lights out at 8:30pm
DD is 5 and her bedtime is 7:30pm, lights out at 8pm
DS2 is almost 3 and goes up at 7 with a story and is normally asleep by 7:30
DS3 is 1 and crikey what a bloody drama! Still normally asleep by 7:30 but with such a carry on

Honestly: asshole that I am I don’t think it’s okay to send kids to bed at an early hour when they’re not tired because you want them out of the way.

I can’t imagine anything earler than 9:30 for an 11yo - that’s secondary school age.

No it isn't Bearhunter 😂

As a child I would lie in bed on summer evenings, listening to children in
nearby gardens still playing. I couldn't sleep for longing to join them. However, that type of situation has to be balanced against individual family needs. My parents put me to bed on the dot because they found me difficult. My elder daughter would put herself to bed before her siblings because she was tired, needed sleep and knew it. There is no single answer. I do feel that the opportunity to play outside is valuable in our climate (especially, for eg, up north), so an extra half an hour or so may not hurt at all.

This is great thread for me - my 4 year old is in bed by 7pm and i thought this would continue till she was older..... I had a strict 8pm bedtime when i was growing up - until i was 12.