Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

My DS is 13 and until this week has been going to sleep by about 10pm - up at 6:30am. This week I noticed how shattered he seemed and said he had to turn off screens by 8:30pm. Massive fight (resulting in me saying the next night it would be 8pm) but I took the screens and he was asleep with his book on his chest by 9pm. The 8pm night he was asleep by 8:30pm.

He now understands that he needs more sleep than he was getting. He is more than welcome to read in bed (he loves reading) as long as he's put the book away by the time I go to bed. But clearly without the artificial stimulation of a screen sleep drags him under far earlier.

what time do they have to get up? our school starts at 714 am, so we are up at 615.

this means bedtime is 7 otherwise there's soooooo much exhaustion!

My kids are all teens and stay up later than me ! Although they do all sleep well.

I went to sleep at 9.45pm last night - still light out- and woke up at 6am, I didn't see darkness at all.

I remember being a child and being in bed when it was light outside and my brother (older) was still allowed to play out.

Sounds fine to me, especially as there are nights when bedtime is later to do activities so she is not missing out and she can read in bed.

Kids always seem to argue about bedtime. My ds thinks that his bedtime is “child abuse” so I told him to phone Childline and see what they thought - he sloped off to bed and was asleep within ten minutes.....

My 9 year old goes to bed at 9pm, 10pm on Friday and Saturday nights. Wakes up at 7am for school and sleeps well so has ten hours sleep which is enough for her age, but they all vary.

Other European countries don't have this culture, and the DC there don't fall apart as some parents here seem to believe will happen.

Hmm, having seen cousins/friends drag their exhausted children out of bed and rush them to school in both Spain and Italy I'm not so sure it is unproblematic there. Certainly not in younger children anyway.

9.30pm is bedtime for my 14 and 16 year olds! In fairness, they are rarely asleep before 10pm, but all the studies show that teens need more, rather than less sleep and they start school by 7.30am every day, unless there's a pre-school commitment, so it can be 6.30am training...

The oldest has always needed more sleep than the younger, but youngest is hugely crabby without enough!

My 10 year old is up to bed at 9, but then he gets up bright and bubbly by himself between 6.30-7. If he went to bed earlier he'd wake up earlier. What time is she waking up? If she's waking up early then perhaps she doesn't need quite as much sleep and you could change it to 8.30-9.00?

No it's not cruel, 8pm is a standard bedtime, you can do what you want within reason in your bedroom, but that's time for her to wind down / go to sleep.

Adults need time to unwind, get chores done, watch TV not really suitable for a younger audience.

Has she threatened you with childline I remember a sibling doing that with my parents as something was unfair.

My ds is nearly 11 and has lights off at 8.30 . Maybe he can stay up later when he stops getting up at 6am! (He has never got up later that 6.30 in his life, including when he stayed up to see the new year in)

My 11 year old goes to bed at 9.30 and reads until 10 then bounces awake at 6.30. When he goes to bed earlier he is awake earlier so this works for him.

As a child I went to bed at 8 until around 12 then 9.30 until 15/16. I had to be dragged from my bed at 8am even though I'd slept for over 10 hours

Everyone's different, as are children. If 8 works for your kid then stick with it. If they are wide awake too early that's the only sign it should be a little later

My 10 year old son has lights out at 8pm every night in the week (except for Scouts night which doesn't finish until 9). He's allowed to stay up later at the weekend. He loves his sleep so we don't get much complaining and I always have to wake him up in the morning so he obviously needs the sleep so I don't think you are unreasonable but everyone is different

My 10yr DD has a bedtime of 8. I don’t expect her to go to sleep at that time, she’s not allowed devices in her room but she reads for hours. Last night she was up at 10.30 rummaging around in her school bag for her library book.

I wouldn’t mind her staying up later, apart from the fact DH goes to bed quite early because he’s up at 5.30am for work most mornings. To get any kind of adult time and be able to watch grown up TV programs she needs to be in her room at 8. I’m not sure what we’re going to do when she gets older.

Jennifer that sounds like a contradiction. Surely if you want him to get up later, he should go to bed later?

I believe that, like adults, children need varying amounts of sleep. My DD needed a lot and always took herself off to bed when tired. My DS needed far less so always stayed up later. Both got up fine in the mornings.

My 7 yo DS is in bed by 8.30 and usually fast asleep almost immediately. However, he doesn't wake until 7.30 am. From around 8 pm, we sit quietly, have a cuddle and read together. I think 8 pm seems quite early at 10, but obviously every child is different. At weekends I am less firm with time and he also loves a lie-in so it works fine. I am just grateful he sleeps at all, I went through years of him not sleeping so the fact we are in a good workable routine now is great.

Even if they are wide awake early, it doesn't necessarily mean bedtime should be later, it may mean they naturally wake up early so need an earlier bedtime in order to get enough sleep - that's what ten year old DS1 is like, he has always woken up between 5 and 6, whatever his bedtime, so he needs an early bedtime to cope with that. He also has an early bedtime (7.30) because he still wants a bedtime story and a cuddle and while I am very happy to oblige it is not something I want to be doing at 9pm. When he decides he doesn't want that anymore he can go to bed later!

I can't remember when my bedtime was at that age - but I remember on Guide nights I got to stay up until 9.25pm (!) to watch MASH and eat chips for some reason, so it must have been earlier than that. Probably was 8.30.

My dd10 has to switch all devices off not long after 8, but she can read or draw for as long as she likes (which is usually around 9pm when she starts to feel tired). Dd 13 has to be in her room by 9pm, but honestly, she's very rarely asleep by the time I go to bed at 11. Scientists say now that teenagers don't produce melatonin, to help them sleep, until about midnight - 1am, compared to adults who start producing it around 10pm. Really, what works for one child won't work for another.

Well I think it's fine. She can get up early and play then

Don't worry OP, my DC thought I was cruel too sending them to bed at a sensible time. Now as parents themselves, they've turned cruel too.

My dd, who will be 10 in a couple of months goes to bed a between 8.30/9. It can sometimes be earlier if she’s tired say 8pm or a bit later on a non school night. In the winter she seems to like to go to bed a little earlier. She’s almost always up by 7 if not before.

Would you consider trying 8.30 for your dd and see how she copes?

DD is 10 and I say 8.30pm is bed time, but is usually 9pm by the time she is in bed. She is always up at 7.30am, so it is clearly enough sleep for her.

My 12 (nearly 13) yr old is alternating 8:30 and 9 ish now, he only went as late as an 8 pm bedtime in the summer age 10 when he was nearly 11 - before that it was 7:30 or as quick as possible if he had a late chapel service! It wasn't until just over a year ago that he started to be able to stay asleep in the mornings, sometimes, and until then he really needed an earlier bedtime.

My children go up to bed pretty early - mainly because I want to have a couple of hours to myself!! selfish

I wish someone would send me to bed at 8! Apparently according to DH it’s too early for a 42 year old😁

My 12 year old goes to bed at 8.30pm, my 14 year old goes at 9pm but is allowed to read (or Skype) for a hour, she often stays up later.