Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

[Lamaitresse]

Not cruel at all!! My 11 year old ds goes to bed around 8, then reads for half an hour. Most of the time he is asleep immediately after this, so I know he needs it.
You do what is right for your child, and ignore what other people may say. After all, nobody knows your child like you do...

[CalF123]

@Scotland32

You are an example of this bizarre 'fixed bedtime must be stuck to at all costs' mentality we have in the UK. 9.30 is only ridiculously late if the DC is not getting enough sleep. Why on earth should they be forced to bed earlier if they're not tired?

[Lamaitresse]

PS on Fridays he goes to bed at 9.30, and during holidays we do alternate later nights as he can’t cope with two late nights on the trot!

[Starlight2345]

Depends on your child is the answer .

I have an early riser but he suffers anxiety which makes him really tired. He doesn’t sleep later because he goes to bed later. He does usually get to sleep 9 ish . He is late to bed scouts night. But struggles the next day due to tiredness.

Cruel is the wrong word regardless .

If she is falling asleep soon after lights out then sounds like you are doing the right thing by her.

[Starlight2345]

Just to add my Ds doesn’t go to bed later on weekends or holidays at home as he ends up tired

[shoesarefab]

My nearly 10yr old goes to bed at 7:30pm still because she’s an evil little witch if she doesn’t get 12hrs sleep!!

[CalF123]

@starlight2345

Cruel isn't the wrong word. If a parent is forcing their child to go to bed when they're not tired either to get 'adult time' or due to some arbitrary bedtime based on age, not only is that cruel but it's abusive- and deserves to be called out as such.

[MsGameandWatching]

My 11 year old goes to bed at 10/10.30 pm, which causes all kind of consternation to various nosy relatives but we live three minutes walk from school, fall out of bed at 8.15 and are there on the dot of 8.55 am. We've never been late in 7 years. She's getting the sleep she needs, I see no point in her lying awake in bed for two hours before she finally drops off. We've tried it and that's what happens.

[Jellybubbamama0987]

My little girl is coming up 6 and school nights she’s sent up to bed at 19:30, teeth to do, story read and left to sleep/play/listen to audio CD. Sometimes she’s asleep straight away, other nights after about an hour. Weekends she’s allowed her tablet so can sleep whenever she wants. I would rather her hate me and be well rested for school than have her up later and grumpy for her teacher, it’s not fair to the teacher or her if she can’t learn. As she gets older I’m sure her timings will change a little but not by much. I’d rather her end up in bed reading when she’s older too, it’s a good habit

[Scotland32]

Oh, I must have missed the bit where I said ‘bedtimes must be stuck to all costs’! A general guide is different to a rigid rule. My PERSONAL VIEW is that a child of 10 routinely going to bed at 9.30 is ridiculously late - but exceptions to rules once in a while do no harm. I never said otherwise!! This is the weird thing about MN - people read things into comments that aren’t there at all!

[CalF123]

But why is it ridiculously late if that particular child doesn't need that much sleep or need to get up early. They could still easily be getting 10 hours sleep. It's irrelevant how much sleep 'a child of 10' needs.

[Libbie001]

I think using the word ‘cruel’a severe misuse of the English language. Locking her in a cupboard, beating her, emotional bullying is cruel.

I also think the bedtime is a tad early. If she’s not tired then what’s the problem.

[PuppyMonkey]

I have an 11 yo and a 12 yo who both do 9.30 week nights and 10pm weekends. They’re up at 7am with no issues.
They both moan that their friends go to bed much later.

[CalF123]

@Libbie001

I agree 'cruel' isn't the appropriate word to use. 'Abusive' is more fitting.

[Icanttakemuchmore]

I used to make sure mine were in their bedroom by 8pm and them they could read or whatever u till 9 ish. After 8pm was my time to get cleared up etc and then 9pm to relax for half hour before I went to bed. (school nights that is).

[Starlight2345]

Abuse 😂

[feral]

At that age I was sent to bed quite early and used to watch the other kids in the cup-de-sac playing rounders, desperate to join in.

Mum always refused.

I wanted to do sport and she refused! We were such an inactive family I would've benefited big time from rounders.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

Scotland 9.30 is not ridiculously late if the child is getting up at 7.

[PuppyMonkey]

I remember being allowed to stay up to watch Charlie’s Angels when I was 10. It was on TV from 9-10pm.

[Scotland32]

Calf - You have a view. I have a view. They differ. End of. Sorry that I’m not giving you the argument you seem to be keen for. I’m off to enjoy a Friday night social life. Enjoy MN!

[Walkingdeadfangirl]

on Thursdays she doesn’t get to bed until after 9.30pm
If she is fine with 9:30 then it is a bit cruel to force her to bed an hour and a half earlier on other nights. Especially this time of the year.

Can she hear all the other children playing outside whilst she lies in bed?

[Echobelly]

DD is nearly 10 and he bedtime is 9-9.30 (she'll be reading for about 30 mins before that) and she copes fine with that but it may be different for different kids. I think 8pm is still reasonable, but they are capable of staying up later by now on the whole.

[metalmum15]

Abusive Really? You want to work with some children who really do have abusive parents. Some things would make you wonder why these people are allowed to have children. Earlier bedtimes than the kid next door isn't abusive.

[starlight13]

You are doing the right thing and you are not being cruel. Children need guidance and routine and I often think that parsnips who let their children stay up until all hours just can't be bothered with their children. I have a 6, 9 and 11 year old who all go up to bath/ shower at the same time 7.30 but then the youngest has story and bed first, then I'll do my 9 yr olds bed settling whilst my eldest reads and when I go in to turn his lights off, I guess it is 8.3pm. This is summer or winter although at the weekends it may be a touch later.

[user1497445266]

My youngest DD is 11 and goes up to bed at 8pm M - T and 10pm F & S
On a school night it apparently takes a minimum of 15mins to do Pj’s and clean teeth and then she still has a bedtime story (generall 2 chapters but it depends on the book) so it can be 8:45/9pm before lights out. At W/ends the later bedtime means no story. My 13yr old DS goes up at 8:30pm but can read or finish any homework and my 15 yr old DD goes up at 9pm with lights out at 10pm. Early bed times by most standards but the 2 eldest have to be out the door at 7:30am and are hopeless in the mornings!