Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

[metalmum15]

parsnips who let their children stay up until all hours 😂😂

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

I think starlight might need an earlier bedtime. 😂

[manicmij]

You deserve a gold medal as does your DD. Most 14 year olds are up in their room using technology until the early hours or out trailing the streets with friends dressed up like the latest "must be" pop star. Well done!

[Neweternal]

This is a dream to me my ten year old is never in bed before midnight. He is on melatonin and has good attainment just doesn't sleep much it's been an issue since birth.

[Amitskitshaw]

No bedtime. Go to bed when you are tired. Teach your child to listen to their body.

[Wincher]

Thanks for the recommendation @CaledonianQueen - might get that book for my 7 year old (nearly 8). He has never needed much sleep and we have tried so many things. Current regime is screens off by 7.30, up to bed at 8ish, but he can play in his room for a while. At about 9.30 (this has crept later as he's currently a bit "off" reading) we go and read him a story, and he can then carry on reading in bed until 10pm when it's light off. He normally goes to sleep about 10.45. We have to drag him out of bed at 7.30. The trouble is he always seems to need a good 45 minutes lying in the dark before he drops off, and he simply can't sleep before about 10.30pm. Sunday nights are the worst as he's lying awake fretting about the week ahead. We do really value adult time in the evenings hence why he's in his room from 8pm, though I do feel a bit bad. His younger brother has always been a far better sleeper and at nearly 5 is generally asleep by 8.15 or so (they don't share a room)p, just as well as DS2 snores incredibly loudly!).

[Annette69]

My 15 year old and 13 year old go to bed at 9pm on a school night and the 3 year old at 8pm as she still sleeps during the day. I’m a real stickler for sleep, it’s vital for children and adults.

[Aria999]

Abusive Really? You want to work with some children who really do have abusive parents. Some things would make you wonder why these people are allowed to have children. Earlier bedtimes than the kid next door isn't abusive.

^^ this. Please get a grip, calF.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

That sounds tough Wincher.

[joanne2020]

I like that poem - lets all stay awake and have fun and deal the fallout tomorrow 🤣

[Nichelette]

Can she actually get to sleep at that time? I have always been a horrendous sleeper and would always come down after a while of failing to get to sleep asking to watch tv! If she gets to sleep okay probably not unreasonable..

[Pumpkinbell]

I dont think its cruel. Our 5yr DD goes to bed between 6-6:30 through the week (she needs 11-12 hrs)! Gets up 6-6:30 every day including weekends (8am swim lesson on Saturday leave house at 7:15) We do on the very odd occassion let her stay up until 7-7:30 at weekends but it doesn’t change the time she gets up!! And going at this time means she can be very grumpy and 😴 the next day (not worth the tears and tantrums😪) You are the parent do what you think is best and as other posters are saying you know how much sleep your child needs.

[thebewilderness]

I hated going to bed in the daylight. I detested daylight savings time change in the spring.
If she needs that much sleep and is able to go to sleep that early then all is well. If she can't go to sleep, going to bed that early is a mistake, or so say the sleep experts.

[mumof3boys33]

I’m always being told I’m cruel by my 14 year old. I make him go to bed at 9pm. He has to be be up at 7.15am. Taxi collects him at 8am. I have to keep going back and waking him every morning. It’s a nightmare. He’s so tired and slow. I let him go up later when there’s no school. He usually goes up about 10-10.30pm. Then sleeps till lunch time! He needs lots of sleep. He had an operation recently so had to miss 2 days of school after, so he was up playing on his Xbox till 10.30pm several of his friends were also up playing on theirs Xbox too. I found it amazing they were all up so late on a school night. I think sleep is so important for healthy children, both mind and body.
My 9 year old is in bed with lights off by 8pm. He usually asks to go up if it’s much later than that. He often wakes at 6am or 7am if I’m lucky.
My oldest is 17. I don’t tell him to go to bed. But most nights his light is off 9pm. He also gets tired.
I’m sure everyone’s children are different. If they are waking up early and happy, obviously having had a good sleep then I’m sure their bedtime is fine.

[RhurbabAndCustard]

My 12 year old has lights out 8.30 on a weeknight. He would be no good at school any later as he needs to get up 6.45am

[CosyLulu]

How do you know she’s asleep though? I think when dd was that age she went to sleep around 9.30 - well so I thought but I know now that she was awake much later than I’d realised. It’s all out the window now she’s 15, can’t sleep at night and can’t wake up in the morning!

[Monny]

The time kids goes to bed and whether or not they need a fixed routine, depends on the needs of the kid.
If they can't drop off or you can't wake them in time for school,if they are grumpy, look tired, etc., their routine, or lack of, might need changing.

My 10 year old needs 8:30pm head on pillow.
Also because a club starts at 7:30pm doesn't mean they can handle that late night. It just means that's when the club starts.

[arlene123]

CosyLulu I know she’s asleep because she snores

[JosieJasper]

Calf you're being very over dramatic and using the word abusive is actually quite disgusting, Your child clearly doesn't need much sleep, that's fine, but my DS is 11 and goes to bed at 8-8:30 as he has always been an early riser. He's downstairs by 6am every day. Before anyone says it's because he goes to bed early, we've tried later bedtime and he still wakes up at this time, even at the weekend if we've been out and he's got to bed as late as 10:30/11 (and then feels very tired). When he gets to teenage years I expect things to change as I know there's a high chance he will naturally start sleeping in later and staying awake later. That's fine and we'll deal with that when happens.

[arlene123]

I really didn’t plan on starting a debate, I was merely curious about other people’s views were and does the lighter nights change your normal routine. I am very happy with my dds bedtime as it is and usually so is she (mainly because she loves peace to read). She copes fine with the one later night she has on Thursday, mainly because she is well rested the rest of the week. She is a happy, bubbly, bundle of fun who is always singing and had her latest reading age assessment results today at school, which say she has a reading age of someone over 15yo, so I’m pretty satisfied that I am neither cruel or abusive to her - (CalF123
I agree 'cruel' isn't the appropriate word to use. 'Abusive' is more fitting.)

[arlene123]

*about what other people’s views were

[boredretiree]

when I was young I had 6 siblings. mum put us to bed at 7pm ( to give herself a break most likely. We used to watch our friends in the street playing. They used to come to our window (bungalow) and ask us why we couldn't come out lol. We did what we were told. Didn't complain. It didn't have any lasting horrible traumatic impact. I never thought of my mum as cruel. Don't worry so much. Set your rules. They may be slightly different to others. that's OK.😊

[boredretiree]

Amitskitshaw rubbish!

[Ohfuckinghellwhatnow]

10 years old, I'd say in bed for 9pm

[SingingOutOfTune]

Amitkitshaw might have a point. I don't think I had a bed time growing up. I had a shower and dinner time after spending the entire afternoon playing outside. Would usually fall asleep on the sofa. I am quite strict with kids bedtime because they don't seem to ever want to go to bed If I leave them to it. I might try over summer to see what is their limit Just ignore them till they fall asleep on the sofa. The problem is the youngest is always up by 7 and is extremelly moody and impossible to deal with when tired. Just I remembered why I am so strict.