Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

DS2 seems to be able to sleep when it's light, and DD goes to bed just before dusk, which seems to be dark enough for her, we'll see in the middle of summer, but in the summer holidays, bedtime's really late anyway.

[CalF123]

@arlene123

Is didn't say you were abusive. I said parents who sent their kids to bed when they're not tired just to get 'adult time' are abusive.

[arlene123]

Over tired, under rested, stressed parents are hardly ideal either!! I know I stick to my 3 dd’s bedtime routine because I know it’s what is best for them, not because I want me time however it is still a very welcome time to regroup, de-stress and prepare for the next day because that causes stress for the entire family!! Rested kids and rested Mama makes the day flow more smoothly and allows me to better care for my dd’s and I’m sure I’m not alone in this thinking 🤷🏼‍♀️

[suzy2b]

My 9 yr it's 8 on a school night 9.30 week ends and holidays she is usually still asleep when i go to get her up at 8 for school

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

12 hours is a lot for a 9yo.

[m0therofdragons]

I think there's a very strong and idea of what abusive means from one poster. It's okay to parent differently. Adults do need child-free time and a child who isn't tired going to bed and reading or listening to music is hardly abuse. Kids need to self-entertain and not be constantly with adults. Some kids need more sleep than others. Mine are impossible and over emotional when tired. Only I know my dc and what works for them.

After reading this thread and being called cruel due to dd going to bed at a time Calf doesn't find appropriate I messaged 4 off DD's friends' parents. All 10 yo and all go to bed at the same time as dd. All well-behaved, high achieving dc so must be doing something right.

[metalmum15]

Kids need to self entertain and not be constantly with adults

This. Judging by some posters on here, a child heading up to their bedroom for some downtime is akin to sending them off to a prison cell. Kids need to have their own quiet, private space, a bedroom is not just for sleeping in.

[CalF123]

@metalmum15

Enforced downtime is not really downtime.

[blackteasplease]

DD9 goes to bed about 9/9.30.

I struggle to get ds4 to bed much before 8! Especially in the longer lighter evenings.

[Sally2791]

Absolutely fine.Not cruel

[metalmum15]

Calf are you trying to make yourself feel better about your own parenting by pulling people up on theirs? Because it's coming across that way. Your kids may not like being in their bedrooms, but mine - and plenty of others - do. And if dh and I need to discuss adult matters, or want to watch Game of Thrones before we go to bed, then the kids go upstairs. Might not work for you, that's fine, works for every other parent I know.

[CalF123]

@metalmum15

Out of interest, how would you like being ordered to your bedroom at an arbitrary time each evening? I bet you wouldn't like it.

It completely removes children's spatial autonomy and freedom of choice, as well as ownership of their own space and body. It actually sets up issues in later life, particularly with regards to sleep.

[Thewhale2903]

marjorie25
You give your child homework for the morning? I understand that looking up the word to understand the meaning but writing sentences using the word, really?

[RhurbabAndCustard]

Our son is currently upstairs after having eaten with us, now happily playing on his laptop whilst we settle down with a bottle of wine and Walking Dead. If he's quiet he will get a good couple hours on it.....!

[Lizzie48]

Children don't know what's best for them where sleep is concerned and parents have the responsibility to make sure they have enough sleep. My DDs (now 9 and 6) always say they're not tired when it's bedtime, when it's blindingly obvious that they're shattered and really need to go to sleep.

It's not abusive to make sure your DCs get a good night's sleep. It's called parenting.

[m0therofdragons]

@CalF123 the thing is, kids our learning and it's our job as parents to ensure they have the life skills they need. Kids do not always know what's best for them and like to understand clear boundaries and expectations. Kids left to their own devices are more likely to feel unloved. I'm happy to say you do yours and I'll do mine but don't attack the way I, and many others, parent. My parents did the same and I'm happy to say to my parents that they did right by me as a dc. If I'd been allowed to choose my bedtime I'd never have slept (as proven by the fact I'm on mn at bloody midnight ).

[marjorie25]

Thewhale2903:
Yes really.
Any fool can look up a word. But then ask the fool to now make a sentence out of that word and you realize that the fool have no idea what the word really means, thus the context of the what the fool is reading is lost.
Get the fool to now look up the word and make up a sentence at the time of reading, then the fool will realize that the whole structure of what he/she is reading will make sense.
That word will then stick with the fool. Try it, you will be surprised.
That's my point.

[Thewhale2903]

What a very strange way to reply to someone

[marjorie25]

Thewhale2903 : did read her comment to what I wrote.
I thought my reply was very appropriate.