Cruel Mum!!

[arlene123]

AIBU keeping my 10 year old dd’s bedtime @ 8pm on a school night, even though it’s nice outside? She’s up later on holidays and weekends but I do like her to at least be in bed, with her book if she wants, off of screens of any kind by 8pm but I was told today that this is cruel (to be fair it was my dd who said this). Thoughts anyone?

[metalmum15]

Do you hate your dd? 😮

[metalmum15]

It's a perfectly reasonable question

Sorry, I'll have to disagree on that one. Just because a parent decides it's time for the child to come in, doesn't mean they hate them. What a rather strange statement.

[m0therofdragons]

Yes clearly I hate my high-achieving well-behaved dd 🙄 Maybe if she asked to stay up later I'd change my mind but she hasn't asked, loves her reading time and sleeps through the night. What a hateful parent I am.

Which friends is she watching playing out late? Kids all play out in our cul de sac but in by 7pm. Usually too many cars by then anyway. Messaged her friends' mums and all 4 replies "weekday bedtime is 8pm". We are flexible and bank holiday weekend was much later.

[m0therofdragons]

Technically it's Spring not Summer.

[FrangipaniBlue]

DS10 gets up at 7am and goes to bed at 9pm but we do have the rule of no games console/iPad/mobile phone after 7.30pm.

Weekends he pretty much stays up til we go to bed so 10/11pm and will happy lie in until 9am or so. Only exception is if we know we need to get up early to go somewhere in which case it's 9am like a school night.

[Iseveryusernametaken]

My DD is 8 and needs about 11 hours. She's therefore in bed at 7.30 with the exception of Brownies and dance nights as they don't finish until this time. Still in bed by 8pm though and she's trashed by the end of the week. She didn't sleep through the night until she was almost 6 though so has a lot of making up to do 😂

[Thissideof40]

My 9 year old goes to bed at 9pm. If I send him up at 8pm he’d be calling down for the next hour which will drive me mad. He’s pretty good at getting straight to sleep when he goes at 9pm and not because he’s totally shattered.

[celticprincess]

As others have said it will depend on your schedule. My 8 year old has been going to brownies since she was 7. It finishes 8pm so on that night it’s 8:30 bed but other nights it’s 7:30 but I do find she’s often still awake til after 8, even up til 9. My youngest daughter had to come for brownie pick up the first year and she was only 4 so had to stay up til after 8 that night too. She’s now in bed before her sister gets home as there’s someone else to watch her. She also needs a lot less sleep than her older sister.

[bluebellsparklypants]

There's lots of way to tell your kids you love them and making sure they have a good nights sleep is just one of those ways

[Heatherjayne1972]

Depends on when they get up
Mine often have to be woken at 6.30am as we leave home 7.30 and need a good hour
So being in bed by 8-8.30 pm works for us
My two are 8 and 10

[CaledonianQueen]

Both of my children have worked through the 'What to do when you dread your bed' book which helps children work out the optimal amount of sleep that they require depending on their age. As part of that book they are encouraged to have an hour before bed where there is no use of technology/ stimulating activities. They can choose a calming activity for the hour before the 'get into bed' time, so they can have a relaxing bath, reading, drawing, chess or board games. Then when they get into bed, they do so half an hour before their get to sleep time. During that half hour, they can read a little or listen to some relaxing music before going to sleep at the time that is appropriate for their age.

The chart shared at the start of this thread, is the same as the chart in the book (or has the same ideal sleep time) My daughter is 8, so she starts winding down at 7pm with no computer/ iPad/ tv and then she gets into bed at 8pm and is asleep by 8.30pm. My son is almost 11 and his wind down time is 8pm, he gets into bed at 9pm and is asleep by 9.30pm. Now that is the ideal, however my daughter has choir practice and she and her brother both go to bed later on weekends, however they sleep longer the next morning so that they still get the same amount of sleep.

Both children are happier and have way more energy since we bought that book (which was actually a life saver as we were previously up really late as our son was overly anxious, thankfully the book had great ideas for helping ds cope with his anxiety) which has the positive side effect of meaning they get along better! If we are cruel for doing this then I guess sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!

www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Dread-Your-What/dp/1433803186/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=what%20to%20do%20when%20you%20dread%20your%20bed&ie=UTF8&qid=1526623495&sr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[HelenaJustina]

It’s so individual.

My 10 yr old is lights out by 7.45 during the week as otherwise she struggles with a 6.50am alarm call. Later in holidays and the weekend but she is foul when overtired so I do keep an eye on it. She is asleep within 10/15 minutes of the light going off so definitely isn’t ready for later on a full time basis.

[Mymindblown]

CalF123

Far too early in my opinion. 11 year olds don't need 11 hours of sleep

I don't understand why people don't seem to realise that different children need different amounts of sleep... just like adults do. My daughter needs her sleep so I'm aware some of the other children in her year go to bed later. I'm also aware some have the same bedtime as she does. You know your own child and how much sleep they need.

[MissWilmottsGhost]

DD (6) only gets sent to bed to give us peace and 'adult time' if she is noticeably over tired and getting silly and manic. Otherwise we quite like our evenings with her.

Her 'official' bedtime is 7pm, but we nearly always let her stay up later than that. She watches TV and chats with us until 8ish, then gets ready for bed, brushes teeth, story etc. If she is still not tired then she can read quietly in her room. Only if she is still awake after 9pm do I start insisting on book down and lights out.

She is up every day without argument at 6.30. If she does moan about being tired I point out she stayed up late and needs to try to go to sleep earlier. I cannot force her to sleep, she needs to learn to manage it herself. It really doesn't seem worth the fight to force her to bed and lights off at 7.30. I am that some PP attempt that with 10 year olds, it seems masochistic

Am British by the way. I don't recognise this British culture that sticks rigidly to bedtimes

[Goldilocks3Bears]

The range for 'appropriate sleep' for children in the range mine fall in is between 7 and 12 hours. The oldest can easily sleep for 11-12 hours and wakes groggy. The youngest is a pain to get to bed before 9pm yet wakes up easily at 6am (yay) and is fresh as a daisy.

There is no 'label' per age group. Depends on what activities they do and their individual needs.

You've made a decision based on your child and your family dynamics - no need to ask if YABU. You do you.

[jessebuni]

My DD 5 goes to bed at 7pm lights off at 7.30pm DS9 goes to bed at 8pm lights off 8.30pm we get up at 6.30am. On a Friday or Saturday night sometimes they can stay up if we’ve been out doing something and aren’t back until later but I prefer the routine of keeping them going to bed at the same times and instead they are allowed lights on to read for longer than usual.

[lottiebear69]

I’d say that’s too early most kids that do any clubs wouldn’t finish until past then and would still need to shower and wind down - I’d say 10 hours is plenty so assume 7am wake up then 9pm is fine and 10pm weekends. Are you sure it isn’t because you want time To yourself that you send dd so early ? I Can understand this bit suddenly that young age time of having your evening free is gone. Does it cause embarrassment with friends of same age if she has to come in to go to bed when they’re still out playing?

[Allthewaves]

Ds is 9 and he goes to bed at 8.30 wih lights out for 9. He's gets up around 7 so right bedtime for him

[toolazytothinkofausername]

You are the parent. You know how much sleep your DC needs. Figure out an appropriate bedtime, then stick to your guns!

[Scotland32]

I remember surveying my friends when I was 10 as I felt my mum and dad were being cruel and sending me to bed early (I think about 8pm too). But I think sleep is so important. I think 9.30pm for a 10 year old is ridiculously late so I think I’d agree with you that 8pm is a good time - the compromise is that she has books etc.

[Metoodear]

Please don’t go along with the bedtime related to age

bedtime should be based on one thing alone can they get up and also are they able to be alert and not over tired and grumpy during the day


Set bedtimes according to how much sleep they require not their age my ds went to bed at 7 until he was about 13 he just needed the sleep

[Metoodear]

Really bugs me when people let their tweens stay up 10,11 and then they can barley function because their tired

[Katherine2626]

If she is reading for a while and 'winding down' then she is probably not asleep much before nine - do you know what time she does fall asleep? Does she wake really early? If she wakes at a reasonable time then she clearly needs that bedtime.

[Playdohnut]

8pm is too early. Our local Brownies (goes up to age 10) doesn't finish until 8.