AIBU husband won't let me attend his gigs

[Bijoux55]

My husband is a musician & DJ. We used to always go his gigs together and I helped sell merchandise etc. Now he has a new band and refuses to let me go with him to gigs or DJ slots. He says it's his thing, there's no room in the car - anything. Even if it's in our town. We seldom go out together anyway and I feel unreasonably lonely (I have no family & few friends) and left out after enjoying going to the gigs for many years. If I approach him about it he gets angry. Then I get tearful and he gets crosser. I feel like I'm trying to foist myself somewhere I'm obviously not welcome anymore. Quite depressed. There are 2 other people in the band, a man & a woman. We have no children so no babysitting problems. Any ideas? Thanking people in advance.

Do you know the other band members?

I would take it that the marriage had ended. He doesn't want you near him, even when there's absolutely no reason for it.

Do you think anything's going on with the woman in the band or another woman? It sure as hell sounds like it from here.

He has something (or someone) to hide.

Really really odd. I don’t want to jump to the worst case scenario but do you have any concerns about him and the women in the band?

Or when you went before did you not like him drinking a lot or anything?

I think you’re entitled to feel confused and upset.

I would be very suspicious as to why he doesn’t want you there x

^ what HollowTalk said.

I would suspect OW. Other band member maybe?

Sounds odd that it used to be ok but it isn't now.

It all sounds very suspect, I'm afraid.

Something is up, there is another woman who is "his"

Tell him to grow up

Most odd indeed.

Have you asked him why things have changed (changed from his pov)?

I'd also suspect OW

Yeah this would ring massive alarm bells for me.

My partner is in a band...both male and female members..they gig all over the place...inc EU.

Despite us having a child and me not being able to go to all of them, he has always moved mountains to enable me to go.
Inc blagging us extra rooms so we could spend a long weekend in eastern Europe with them.

We get included in every band party/event we can be.

I'd be v v fucking suspicious if I suddenly couldn't.
Sorry.

he is just not that into you any more.

Sounds suspicious. I would probably go along to a local gig, just to see what is going on.

Yep the fact when you get tearful he gets angry . I would not trust him at all.

My immediate thought his he is enjoying being a young, free and single person again, and also wondered whether his head has been turned by another woman, whether band member or a fan. ( or drugs?)

Can you compromise and say you will go to one gig a month?

Or invite the other band members to your house for a meal or takeaway. Do you know them (and trust them) .

If all else fails, next time he is playing locally, don’t ask to go, it just turn up!

Hiding something/someone. Is he even playing gigs?

Your relationship is over because he is fucking or trying to fuck his female band mate. I'm so, so sorry. How dare he not even afford you the dignity of the truth.

Or he has a little posse of groupies he flirts with.

I'm sorry, OP but I think there's something decidedly fishy going on. The fact that he used to be fine with you going to his gigs but now he it's all of a sudden not allowed and he gets angry and defensive if you question it rings massive alarm bells. I would be concerned that he's using the gigs as an opportunity to meet other women.

You being there would cramp his style.

Unfortunately there only seems to be two possible explanations for his behaviour. Either he has another woman, or he just doesn't want your company. Either way it sounds like your marriage is over. I'm sorry OP. Might be time to start planning a life without him.

I'm sorry OP but I really think he must be hiding something - another relationship maybe, or perhaps something he's doing (smoking if he didn't before, drugs he takes). I'd turn up when he is local unaccounced, but take someone if you can for moral support.