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Original poster

5 year old jokingly calling someone fat

196 replies

Mother40 · 16/05/2018 09:58

On the way to school today we saw some people we knew (the mother is usually part of the weekly coffee group so I know her quite well). My 5 year old daughter decided she thought it would be funny to say to the mother and child (and to myself and her brother) that we were fat. She was laughing as she said it and none of us could be described as fat, so obviously not true. Before I had a chance to tell her not to say it, the mother raised her voice and really told her off, saying they didn't want t o walk with us as she was rude. My daughter burst into tears.

I'm my opinion, my daughter was just being a bit silly, like when children call some one smelly etc. I didn't think it warranted the other mother to speak the way she did to her. The woman came up to her after to say sorry for shouting but still saying to me she shouldn't be so rude.

What are others opinions on this? It has now made it really awkward with the other mother.

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 16/05/2018 09:59

I think at 5 they really should know they are not to comment on people’s appearance and it’s very unkind.

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2018 10:01

Well she shouldn't have went over the top, but she was right, it is very rude. How does yiu daughter know to call people this as an insult and why do you equate it with calling someone smelly?

Scrub that. I think thr mere fact you do equate it says it all and would tell us where your five year old learned it.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/05/2018 10:01

the mum overreacted. I would have waited to see if you (her mother) told her off. If you didnt I might have been a bit Shock but would have just got on with my day. It was rude of her and a bit silly but hopefully you were going to tell her that and ask her to apologise.

Jammycustard · 16/05/2018 10:03

Other mother was OTT, but perhaps it’s a sore point with her. Why does your daughter think calling people fat is funny? Has that come from you? I suppose your daughter has learnt a lesson of sorts: don’t call people names.
Cool it off with the mum if you don’t like her.

Fruitcorner123 · 16/05/2018 10:03

by 'her ' I mean your DD.

slippermaiden · 16/05/2018 10:03

I'm with you OP. She is only 5 and still learning social rights and wrongs. Also she called you all, ie her family fat? I think it was your responsibility to talk to her about it not the other woman's.

Hideandgo · 16/05/2018 10:05

I never use the word fat about anything just in case of this situation! My 5 yr old is actually very well behaved with his words but because of that there’s rarely a teaching moment and unexpectedly he’ll make an epic mistake. Kids just don’t know and mean zero harm. And until they make a particular unexpected mistake you sometimes don’t think to warn them not to say something. You also don’t want to proactively teach them the list of what not to say as it puts it on their radar.

Other woman totally overreacted.

Original poster
Mother40 · 16/05/2018 10:05

I would never call someone fat, and these people certainly were not fat, so she was just saying something silly. Don't most children say something silly sometimes??

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 16/05/2018 10:06

To be fair, your daughter probably won't call someone fat again now...

I wouldn't be that cross with the woman, I'd be furious if my DD said that. Your Dd knows it's rude to say otherwise she wouldn't have laughed.

siwel123 · 16/05/2018 10:07

Yes. But at 5 she should know jot to call people fat.
Regardless of size calling anyone fat is mean.
What if the women struggled with her weight, then being called fat could be a tough thing.

LagunaBubbles · 16/05/2018 10:07

She should have waited for you to tell your DD off for being rude. But actually if you think she was only "silly" maybe its just as well she did!

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 16/05/2018 10:10

Don’t worry OP, but a great lesson for your child to learn that calling someone “fat” is dreadful: so cruel and can wound more than we think. My own mother still calls me fat, and I have an ED. Make of that what you will.

User467 · 16/05/2018 10:10

I agree OP. It's a term she's heard and is trying it out. I never use them term fat, first time my son used it I asked him what it meant and he didn't have a clue. Kids hear things and repeat them in what sounds like the right context but it doesn't mean they actually understand what they are saying. Explain to her it's not a nice thing to say and why, if she continues to say it then you can address it. I really don't like when other people think they can tell my children off when I am there. It's different if they are looking after them but when you are right there they should leave it to you.

livefornaps · 16/05/2018 10:10

Well, I guess that's one lesson learned the hard way. People are really sensitive about fat. Personally, when we were kids we always did this. Because kids can be luttle brats sometimes and want to exaggeratr everything! Although it was usually tagged onto something else. Like fat stinky bum bum. We were a bloody nightmare. We all grew up to be perfectly nice people. It was clearly a sore spot for that woman, maybe she used to be fat/has someone close to her struggling with their weight. This is her thing, not yours.

Noqonterfy · 16/05/2018 10:10

It is rude. Maybe it's a sore point with the mum. Where would your DD get that from anyway? Agree the mum should have given you a chance to address it first. However it will hopefully give your DD an opportunity to reflect on why that wasn't a nice thing to say though.

Original poster
Mother40 · 16/05/2018 10:11

If she said it to do so he who was actually far it would have been very.in nd and i would have been very embarrassed but as the mother and daughter were thin it was just her being.a bit silly. She is not a rude child and does not go round upsetting people.

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 16/05/2018 10:12

Your dd was rude. The other woman said she didn’t want to walk with her because she was rude. Sounds fair enough.

Calling someone smelly isn’t ok either. Calling people names is rude and unkind and not funny.

Original poster
Mother40 · 16/05/2018 10:12

Obviously that should have seismic she said it to someone who was fat it would have been very rude.

OP posts:
RebeccaBunchLawyer · 16/05/2018 10:13

No, livefornaps, it is not “her thing”. It is unacceptable to call someone fat. How do you know what’s going on in their head, or how it might affect them? I’m sorry, but fat-shaming is nearly as offensive as racism, in my view.

Original poster
Mother40 · 16/05/2018 10:14

I didn't say it was ok to call someone fat or smelly, just that children do say these silly things, and I would always tell them not to say them.

OP posts:
Theknacktoflying · 16/05/2018 10:14

I would be mortified .... and not try to excuse my child’s brattiness.

MarthasGinYard · 16/05/2018 10:15

The mother was a bit OTT

Although I'd be wondering where she had heard that, and nipping any name calling In the bud TBH.

DearMrDilkington · 16/05/2018 10:15

She is not a rude child and does not go round upsetting people.

But she did upset someone? As I said, your Dd knows it's a rude nasty thing to say, she didn't just say it because she saw someone who is overweight, she thought it would be funny to say, which means she understands the context of the word fat.

MarthasGinYard · 16/05/2018 10:17

'like when children call some one smelly etc.'

You are normalising this a little I think.

That's certainly not ok either Confused

livefornaps · 16/05/2018 10:18

No...fat shaming is not the same as racism...sorry.

Let's not go down that particular rabbit hole.

Your daughter now knows "fat" is not a nice thing to call someone, but she isn't on a par with a racist

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