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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 year old jokingly calling someone fat

196 replies

Mother40 · 16/05/2018 09:58

On the way to school today we saw some people we knew (the mother is usually part of the weekly coffee group so I know her quite well). My 5 year old daughter decided she thought it would be funny to say to the mother and child (and to myself and her brother) that we were fat. She was laughing as she said it and none of us could be described as fat, so obviously not true. Before I had a chance to tell her not to say it, the mother raised her voice and really told her off, saying they didn't want t o walk with us as she was rude. My daughter burst into tears.

I'm my opinion, my daughter was just being a bit silly, like when children call some one smelly etc. I didn't think it warranted the other mother to speak the way she did to her. The woman came up to her after to say sorry for shouting but still saying to me she shouldn't be so rude.

What are others opinions on this? It has now made it really awkward with the other mother.

OP posts:

paxillin · 16/05/2018 17:34

She is not a rude child and does not go round upsetting people.

She was rude and she did go round upsetting those two people. Other mother has taught her what you failed to: do not call people fat.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/05/2018 17:36

Maybe she was teaching her own child a life lesson? One that shows it OK to pull someone up on name calling and rudeness.

Herbalteahippie · 16/05/2018 18:11

YANBU. In other cultures it’s ok to call people fat, it’s the same as saying tall or whatever. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Herbalteahippie · 16/05/2018 18:13

Ps. It’s not your fault or your daughters fault if other people are fat. They need to lighten up.

Noqonterfy · 16/05/2018 18:19

Ps. It’s not your fault or your daughters fault if other people are fat. They need to lighten up.

I guess it's not your fault that you're rude and a bit thick either. Never mind. Takes all sorts.

Nunya · 16/05/2018 18:26

Good Grief, Herbalteahippie!! Seriously?

Ethylred · 16/05/2018 19:06

Yelling at a 5 y/o for that kind of thing is infantile.

Aridane · 16/05/2018 21:40

Sounds like the other parent has done you and your daughter a favour in picking her up on her rudeness.

flowercrow · 17/05/2018 00:11

I don't get it- so your daughter included HERSELF in this? like "tee-hee, we're all fat lol" So she wasn't insulting anyone? If fat is an insult anyway, since a lot of fat activists embrace the word.
The other mum's reaction is definitely over the top- perhaps she was having a very bad day about something else. Or has issues around weight from the past.

InternalGangsta · 17/05/2018 07:10

Firstly OP you have now learnt not to post on here if you only want people to agree with you! You clearly don't want any other perspective. If your DD had called them unicorns that would be silly, calling people fat is rude. And if you don't understand that difference then I doubt she ever will from you. The other mum did you a favour in teaching her that. She also recognised that shouting was inappropriate and apologised. Perhaps you can also learn from her about the importance of taking responsibility for your actions or inaction....

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 17/05/2018 07:18

Ok your child upset someone she's 5 lesson learned.
I afraid the grown woman reducing a child to tears because she's a bit touchy??? She's got issues if it was my child I'd have given her a piece of my mind!

Timtims · 17/05/2018 07:30

I can't understand why you didn't pick your DD on it sooner. When my DS was a bit younger than 5, he went through a phase of saying silly/rude things (e.g. you smell pooey). I would stop him asap - preferably before he even finished a sentence. My DCs now know when to button it just from a 'death stare' from me. Useful for promptly halting the beginnings of any ill-mannered comment ('when are we going home' when visiting elderly relative, 'I've already got one of these ' when opening a birthday present).

NorthernKnickers · 17/05/2018 07:32

OP...WHO exactly did your daughter say was fat? In your original post you say that she calls YOU fat (You said: 'she said 'we' were fat,' indicating that she meant you and/or your own family, not the other people). But I'm sensing from subsequent posts that it was the other woman that she called fat. I think she called the other woman fat didn't she? Which is totally out of order...5 year olds should know better than this. They DO know not to call people names. That's very precocious behaviour, especially when directed towards an adult! She would never say such a thing to her teachers I'm sure!

However, saying that, the other woman was out of order telling her off and I wouldn't have liked that too much, but if you had stepped in sooner, perhaps it could have been avoided? Who knows? It's done now! Talk to your child about her behaviour.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/05/2018 08:10

She was rude and it upset the other woman. However, the other woman's reaction was really over the top. Telling her off would be fine. Raising her voice and refusing to walk with her is ridiculously childish. It seems that she did realise that later if she apologised so I would forget it. At least your DD will have learned a lesson.

Lethaldrizzle · 17/05/2018 08:13

Thst woman sounds like a right old misery bag. Making a 5 year old cry over a silly remark. She should get a grip

Springnowplease · 17/05/2018 08:20

Your DD was rude. You did nothing about it so your friend stepped in. Teach DD some manners.

Lethaldrizzle · 17/05/2018 08:23

Ah she's only 5. We all make mistakes!

oblada · 17/05/2018 09:05

So many posters here with a complete lack of empathy! I hope next time you have a slip of the tongue someone much bigger than you comes to shout at you for it, that's all you deserve.

I also think some people are way too sensitive. Why would u be offended at being called fat by a little kid (or anyone else) especially when you are not fat? Being called fat doesn't make you fat, either you are or you are not and it's up to you to decide if it's a problem for you or not. Yes it isn't a kind thing to say but why get offended?
You need to have a little more self esteem to rise above things like that (especially when it is a child who is obviously not meaning to upset anyone!!).

Dungeondragon15 · 17/05/2018 09:08

Exactly and if it’s met with an adult dismissing another persons perfectly valid reaction as “over sensitive” then it continues.

Shouting at a five year old and refusing to walk with her is not a "perfectly valid" reaction for an adult though.

Lethaldrizzle · 17/05/2018 09:10

I completely obladee, oblada!

optimuss · 18/05/2018 15:42

When I was six I called a woman walking past our school playground as fat because she shouted at us for kicking a ball over, and she called my headteacher. I had a meeting at the headteachers office and then had to tell my whole class what I had done standing in front of the board, through tears. I'm still traumatised by it to this day and have never commented on anyones appearance negatively since.
It's a lesson for both your daughter being rude and the woman being OTT, both will feel awkward.

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