AIBU to think DH should make his own packed lunch?

[lunchboxloony]

Why did I ever do it? When we bought our house DH was busy building the extension and I sort of got into the habit. Since then had two DCs, left full time well paid career for part time (2 days) local flexible job but still am full time mum and housewife, cooking, cleaning,etc.

Today I got up while Dh was still in bed, got the children fed etc, took them and his Mum to church, came home and cooked a roast lunch, cleared up, collected DD's friend for play date, did a few jobs round the garden, took friend back about 6.30. Dh meanwhile took DS out for the afternoon with a friend and did their hobby, got home about 7pm and then sat in front of the TV for the rest of the evening.

I fed the DCs, DH said what's for supper and I said 'don't know, am just sorting the DCs for now'. He then got himself something I think, I wasn't really thinking about him. While DCs were eating I made their packed lunches and then as I put them to bed I said to him - 'I'm really busy at the moment, please can you make your own lunch for tomorrow'. He said OK. (he has a history of never listening to me - this may have been an example of that!). When the DCs were in bed I then microwaved something for my supper, and while waiting I went into the sitting room with menus etc to order their school dinners for the next couple of weeks. It was quite late by then - maybe 9.30. DH yawned and said he might go to bed, so I said 'don't forget your sandwiches'. He acted totally shocked, said he never heard me mention it and it was far too late to expect him to make them at that time of night, and anyway he does them on Tuesdays (when I'm at work!) so it's totally ridiculous that I should ask him to make them in a Sunday as well. Now - I have said on numerous occasions over the years that I shouldn't have to make his lunch - but I suppose I have been stupidly soft and just done it. Anyway, this time I said tough - if you don't it's not my problem - and he just stomped to bed without making them. He said I am a housewife and I should make everyone's meals - I am just sooooo cross - please tell me IANBU?!

YANBU don’t do them. You sound like you have really full days anyway.

When he’s calmer I think you need to sit down and talk to eachother. Don’t let such a trivial thing fester.

Suggest the two of you share the household tasks a bit more. He sounds like he has more down time than you do and it doesn’t sound like you were sat on the couch expecting him to make his own lunch whilst simultaneously feeding you peeled grapes and fanning you with palm fronds. He could have spent the time he was sat watching tv making his own sandwiches.

He’s being quite disrespectful about your contribution to the household.

Of course YANBU.
You lost me much earlier though, after you said that you got the dc up, you took them all out, and yet somehow it was you that then came home a cooked a Sunday dinner. Surely the one who hasn't taken the dc out is the one that cooks the dinner? - certainly was in our house when the dc were little.

Wow OP. How disrespectful. I think after his parting comment I'd be downing tools completely, not just stopping packed lunches.

Wow!! I am a stay at home mum, I don't cook for or make packed lunches for my husband, nor do I wash his clothes or do his share of the housework. He works full time, and we prepare meals, shop and do housework equally. My role is looking after the children when he is working, not being a slave. YANBU, he needs to get a grip and grow up.

He said I am a housewife and I should make everyone's meals

God how dismal. I wouldn't make him a meal until he genuinely apologised for that. And I would NEVER make a lunch for him again.

I'd also be thinking that it is time to go back to my full-time rewarding career tbh. The flexible job which is working so well for you and your children seems to be making your gem of a husband utterly lacking in respect for you.

He'd have to cope with making his own sandwiches if he was single.

I would ask him when exactly you became his mother instead of his wife. Fucking lazy bastard.

He said I am a housewife and I should make everyone's meals

Really?! Well, what you do next will be your boundary. What are you going to say to that OP!

He said it was too late to make a sandwich at 9.30 in the evening when he’s basically done nothing all day?! It takes about 3 minutes to throw a sandwich together. He’s being a dickhead.

The absolute nerve. Next weekend, get up and get dressed early, wake your husband up and tell him you’re off out and he’s in charge of the kids and housework. Since it’s so easy you’re sure he will complete the huge list of things you normally get done on the weekend. Don’t come back until they’re in bed.

If it's too late for him to make a sandwich, it's too late for you, too. Don't do it. He'll have to sort it in the morning - bread ham bread. Maybe next weekend he'll figure it out on Sunday afternoon if he wants more than a basic hamwidge.

I remember this debate on here before, and a significant number of people said that the OP was being mean and SHOULD make the DH's sandwiches to show him that she loved him. You couldn't make it up.

I've had all this shit with my husband for years - he said if I wouldn't make his sandwiches then he would buy some (we were very skint during the years when the DCs were small) or he would go without, but that in either case it was my doing as it was what I wanted.

Now he is retired and occasionally I ask him to make a sandwich for the youngest DD still at school and every time he says "why should I? you could do it".

And you know what? He's right. ALL of that is my doing, because I should have left the fucker years ago. Anyway, tell your DH to do his own sandwiches for the rest of his life.

If he won't cook or prepare food for himself or anyone else, does he do his share of washing up/cleaning/laundry/tidying/childcare? Or are you supposed to be The Man's uncomplaining servant (and sex provider as well)?

I make dh's packed lunch. I make the kids theirs anyway so it's not any effort to make one more.
If he came out with "you're a SAHM, it's your job to do them" he'd be told to bog off and do his own though!
I always do his packed lunches, but the minute it starts to be taken for granted I don't. Eg the other day when I apparently hadn't put enough salad in, I was doing it wrong and it was horrible - "do it your fucking self then!" actually went hungry as didn't make his own but that's not my problem lol.

Going against the grain here, but if I worked only 2 days and was making up packed lunches for the kids anyway, then I would do it. Surely it's not that much extra hassle He was a twat for what he said to you though, and he should apologise before you could even consider the above!

I am genuinely surprised that there are stay at home mum's out there who don't shove their partner's clothes in the wash. I'm nobody's skivvy, but Jesus, what happened to give and take?!

I am also of the opinion that he would now be no longer getting his washing done, nor his meals or anything else until he had genuinely retracted that statement.

if I worked only 2 days and was making up packed lunches for the kids anyway, then I would do it.

Yeah but if you didn't do it because you were tired or had run around all day, how would you feel if your husband told you that it was your job to do it because "you are a housewife"? Not great I bet - maybe you'd be re-thinking all the extra things you did for him because you worked less hours (but did all the housework and childcare) and be concluding he was a selfish twat who took you for granted and didn't deserve all the extra stuff you did for him.

The OP has been making his packed lunches for years now . Plenty of give on her side. The one time she said she was tired she got a verbal swipe from him. not nice.

I can’t decude if this is made up or at least exaggerated, but anyway, assuming it actually happened as said, it sounds like there is a bit of resentment building between you and you are being passive aggressive and sniping. His sandwiches aren’t really the problem - he isn’t pulling his weight overall and the two of you need to sit down like adults and work out who will do what in the house.

YABU

Without wishing to sound disrespectful, you are a SAHM. That role involves supporting the working members of the household i.e. making lunches.

If I was your DH, I really would expect you to be making my packed lunch if I'm honest. If you weren't willing to do so, I'd be thinking about whether your role in the house could really be justified and if it might not be time to send you back to work full time tbh.

Really? ^^
Stay. At. Home. MOTHER. To children, not the bloody husband
Christ almighty < wanders off muttering about loving being single >

Hilarious, Cal.

If I was your DH, I really would expect you to be making my packed lunch if I'm honest.

If I were your wife, you might want to think very carefully before biting into a sandwich I made you if I'm honest (oh and without wishing to sound disrespectful)

Wow. Shes actually a working mum. And ffs its 9:30?! He did nothing all day apart from his hobby thing. Infact he should be making his sandwhich AND his childrens. They were both stay at home parents today and looks like op did a shit load more than him!

Stay. At. Home. MOTHER. To children, not the bloody husband

Agreed.

The sandwich isn’t the issue here. It’s the disrespectful attitude he has towards her.
My OH wouldn’t speak to me like that. I regularly make his packed lunch, not because he demands it or expects it but I just like doing it!! But he always says thank you, tells me that he’s enjoyed his lunch. If he could see I was busy or if I said I couldn’t do it for whatever reason then he would just do it himself. It really wouldn’t be an issue.