If you're always late, can I ask why?

[CulinaryUnderbelly]

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

How late is your friend usually?

For me, it's dyspraxia and Inattentive ADHD.

I have a friend like this so now I always arrange things for half an hour before I would have (without telling her!) and then she makes it on time usually! On the one occasion she got there first it was still only 5 minutes before me so I don’t feel bad about doing it.

I hate continual lateness too. If someone says to me “meet at 8” I take 8 as being the latest I should get there! Not the earliest. I would then normally arrive by 7:55

I have a couple of friends like this. It’s usually because they simply don’t leave enough time to get ready. Or (neither of them drive) their taxi was late or they couldn’t get a taxi. They’re both quite messy/unorganised and often can’t find purse/glasses/shoes/coat. One friend regularly has to make dinner for her abusive husband who decides when he wants it regardless of her plans.

And I just accept that they will be late and plan accordingly.

It’s rude, plain and simple. The late brigade tend to be on time when there is something in it for them, strangely enough.

TooMany have you developed any coping mechanisms to enable you to be on time for things like transport or interviews? Things like lists with times planned beforehand? If not has it really adversely impacted your ability to earn a living?

Rita normally late by 30 minutes to an hour.

IME, people seem to see the time they are meant to start something, or be somewhere as the time they need to be ready for. They forget, then, that they need time to get coats, hats, gloves, etc., on, get their handbag, etc., last minute dash to the loo, lock the door, get out to the car, drive x minutes to venue, park car and walk to location, get into internal location and be ready for beginning of activity. So, for example, school day, they are bemused when they are late, because they were "ready" for 8.50 am (school starting time) and therefore resist the accusation of the school that their child was late to school (9.05 am).

I think for some people (looking at you, DS) a meeting at 3 means setting off at 3. It’s baffling and I do the same as above with a pal who’s always terminally late.

This person doesn't have SEN or an abusive husband. If they did, I would make allowances.

Because I’m chronically disorganised and useless at planning ahead.

I have got better at it over the years, but still cope with really time-sensitive appointments and interviews and so on by planning to get there really really early instead. So I kill a lot of time in waiting rooms but at least I’m there.

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you?

I’ve never understood this view ^^ though it is oft repeated on MN.

I have a couple of friends who are always late, it’s not about feeling superior, they are just terminally disorganised.

It’s nothing at all to do with the person they are meeting.

Anxiety about being too early (to someone's house especially)
Issues around the moment of change that leaving the house is.
Procrastination (but that's mostly when i have to see my mother )

I think most people who are regularly 10-15 minutes late don't take into account any unexpected events when planning how long they'd need.

For example, I know it takes me 30 minutes to get there and 30 mins to get ready in optimal conditions so I start 1 hour before. But then I realise my I need to sharpen my eyeliner pencil and, oops, where did I put that top I wanted to wear? So I leave 5 mins late and 9 times out of 10 I can make it up on the journey but... then the bus doesn't come on time! So I end up being 10 mins late.

My time is no more important than anyone else's, I'm just a bit ambitious with timelines! Luckily I live in a country where punctuality is much less strict than the UK so we never get bothered by this.

30 mins to an hour is a piss take though. To manage this friendship, why not always arrive 30 mins late? You shouldn't have to but it may save your friendship and sanity!

I don’t think it’s reasonable to just say ‘I’m disorganised’ or to excuse people because they say this. We could all be disorganised. Hell I’m disorganised with many things. I make myself be organised about being places on time though, because otherwise my personal disorganisation would affect other people and that’s not fair.

Lougle - that's my mother!! Every damn detention I ever got at school was because I missed registration because SHE couldn't leave the house on time! (No bus, too far to walk, she had to drive) She never had to work either so never had any consequences. Drove me nuts. Needless to say I am the complete opposite!!

Dyslexia and ADHD-PI.

A total inability to estimate time and speed.

I either show up far too early or about 10 to 15 minutes late.

cardi that's exactly it. Being disorganised doesn't trump other peoples' feelings.

I often run 5/10 mins late because I cram too much in. But I do let people know and I am meticulous for appointments and work but sometimes if I've arranged to meet a friend I will leave work later than I wanted and have to pick of a gift en-route.

I have noticed that most people who are chronically late to meet friends etc still manage to get to work on time and catch trains and planes.

So they obviously have the skills to tell the time when it’s suits them.

In the case of my in laws its simply a case off trying to fit too much in to their day/not being able to say no to people.
We were once invited to their house for lunch before an event we were going to together (travelling in separate cars so their poor timekeeping wouldn't affect us!). Twenty minutes before the latest time I would be comfortable leaving lunch was still not on the table so we left, ate McDonald's on the way and arrived at the venue before them.
I've tried coaching them through leaving on time, calculating the journey time etc and working back from there but it falls on deaf ears.

I am never late when I'm on my own. I am sometimes late when i have the children with me. That tells you everything you need to know ...

id neber do something else on the way to meeting someone though.

I think people who are continually late for everything, simply don't care. That's the crux of it unless there are exceptional circumstances.

My Bf is like this and it pisses me off sometimes.

She doesn’t plan ahead or have a sense of urgency - she laughs about it in groups chats “ I’ll probably be late !’ however if it’s something she has gets something out or planned - is there on the dot!