If you're always late, can I ask why?

[CulinaryUnderbelly]

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

Oh, and I'm late for work pretty much every day too, so it's not like I can be on time if I really want to be.

I think people who are continually late for everything, simply don't care.

I think that's true, but also in many cases, because they have a fairly fluid relationship with time, they think that everyone else does too and genuinely don't understand how infuriating it is. They usually haven't had to experience it themselves either because they're always the ones that are late .
I have a very dear friend who is ALWAYS late, often to the tune of a couple of hours. We learnt never to invite her to ours, always to go to hers instead and, if we are going for lunch, make sure we've already fed the children, because lunch will not be served until at least 2:30. She is very lovely, and genuinely woefully disorganised!

It's simply that they know the person will wait for them, and they don't care enough about them having to wait.

My DH seems unable to plan...if I say we need to leave at 11.00am, he will keep asking me the time rather than looking himself. I've told him that he has to look.

He will then repeatedly remember different things he hasn't done....and either do them or check he's done them.

If we're leaving early, he will ALWAYS forget to brush his teeth...so I sit in the car and he says OH! GOD! TEETH! And runs in.

I don't remind him because I won't infantalise him or Mother him ....I am trying to help him though because I am someone who is always early!

People being consistently late drives me batty, however I'm the opposite so I'm sure I annoy people by always being early. I get very stressed at the thought of being late.

Agreeing with pp, there are no excuses for being late all the time without some kind of contact or explanation or at the very least an apology. Being disorganised etc doesn't make it any easier for the person/persons left waiting around for you to deign to show up.
Its amazing how many people who claim to 'always be late because of x, y or z tinkly laugh ') can always be at work on time? Oh yeah, because that would affect them directly (e.g. losing money, losing job), not the poor person left waiting for them on a social occasion.

I detest lateness in every form. I'm never late. Ever. Its disrespectful and crass. It makes me ragey.

Persistent offenders need to learn that there will be consequences for lateness. I would wait 10 or 15 minutes (no longer because its depressing) and then do something else without them.

Why forgive rudeness and put your life on hold for someone who doesn't care?

Any one can be late occasionally and that can usually be excused but it's just rude and disrespectful to be always late when meeting friends or family. I have found they have no problem being on time for work or appointments so that just proves they can manage time when there's a consequence or something in it for them.

My group of friends had one woman who was always turning up around 30+ mins late at restaurants then would make a big entrance. This pissed us off so much that we decided that as soon of the rest of us were seated we'd order our meals and not wait for the late one.

When she arrived we were finished our starters and chatting but we just said a cursory hello and turned back to the conversation we were having and not feed the late one's need for attention for a big entrance. We only had to do this on two occasions and the late one got the message and was able to turn up on time after that.

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

Neither.

HTH.

People who can't plan/organise themselves can do it if it is important enough.

If it's just inconveniencing nursery staff or brownie leaders, leaving a friend waiting, making a child late for school every day, it just isn't that important to them.

I have noticed that most people who are chronically late to meet friends etc still manage to get to work on time and catch trains and planes.

So they obviously have the skills to tell the time when it’s suits them.

Yes, this. Funny how the 'terminally disorganised' are so often selectively so.

I had a manager in my last job.
He was a dick generally.
One of the dickish things he would do is schedule meetings and insist everyone cancelled other commitments to attend (so that meant visits to families).
Then he would keep everyone waiting for ages, over an hour sometimes, before he bothered turning up. Sometimes he didn't even do that.
It was maddening that people would put up with it.
After the first couple of times I would leave after 10mins
When I realised he was only turning up for about 1 in 10 meetings I stopped going altogether.

Didn't get in trouble. He didn't have a leg to stand on.

you know that with anxiety it doesnt matter how much time you allow? You will still be stuck at actually leaving. I can be completely ready but just sit there for 45mins.. it doesnt matter how much time you allow you will still get anxious! Ridiculous to say its lack of respect. It really does have nothing to do with people im meeting up with. And I certainly dont expect people to pander to it. I never arrange to meet anyone at specific times any more I just text when ive actually set off for somewhere... and then I dont expect them to be there at that time or be available either... I make sure im never meeting anyone in a place that would be difficult for them to wait, and I certainly dont expect anyone to wait more than 30 mins for me.. or even less time if they havent heard from me, id expect them to not wait at all if they hadnt heard from me.

There are some people ive found who set you up to fail as though they want to be furious at you. I had to stop all contact with one of my friends because she kept demanding to meet me at these specific times in these specific places and would become outraged if I did not do it... saying she was stood there in the rain waiting for me for hours... even though I would make it very clear I was not able to meet her in plenty of time... sometimes days before... she just would not take no for an answer though.

I dumped a friend who left me sitting in a park for an hour and 45 minutes without a message.

As it happened, the boys were happily playing in the park but I just couldn’t take her lateness anymore.

She simply didn’t care.

Another friend I have struggles to be on time. She has asked me to help her but can’t seem to understand that if she needs to be somewhere at 9.30am, she should leave at 9.10am not 9.30am.
Her husband despairs of her.

I really hate lateness.

It’s so disrespectful.

So is it ok they are disorganised and leave the other person waiting for an hour. The problem is they don't think about the other person at all, it's really selfish behaviour

Because I live in a state of almost permanent jet lag.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-44070961

I have a friend who is always late for the reason stated by Lougle.

If (say) you'd arranged to meet her at 11, she wouldn't consider herself to be late until it got to 11.01. So in her head she wasn't late at 10.59, even if at that point she was still at her house, 30 minutes drive away from the place where we were meeting. I now make plans with discussion of how long it will take to get to x place and what time that means she needs to be leaving. She can get to school/work/important places on time, only because she does them so often that she has done t he second step of working out that she needs to leave by such and such time.

I'm disorganised and not good at getting up in the morning. I'm much better at being on time for things that start after 11am. Anything earlier I struggle with because I wring out the last few minutes in bed for as long as possible. If something starts before 10am I'm unlikely to attend if there's any way to get out of it, and I will probably be late.

I used to have a friend who was always at least 15 minutes late, usually more like half an hour. She was also a habitual last minute canceller. Eventually we had a huge falling out about it (after many chats where she had said things like “oh, but you know what I’m like!”) when I had spent almost an hour on my own in a busy Friday night bar, looking like I had been stood up. We are no longer friends. She was able to hold down a well-paid, responsible job whuch she arrived at on time for every day, so she obviously was capable of managing her time.

I make myself be organised” is like saying “I make myself be confident” though. Some people can do it, some people can’t
Barring sn that isn't true.
Even those with quite significant sn can have strategies put in place to help them with planning.
These strategies fall down when there isn't the motivation.

There is no reason why an adult with average intelligence can't improve their organisation.
If they want to.

Its not the same as making your self more confident. Confidence springs from deeply entrenched feelings. Chronic lateness is habit.

My parents are habitually late. As a child both me and my sister found it really irritating because we would end up late for things through no fault of our own! We lived rurally so 90% of the time the bus wasn't really an option (they only ran twice a day) and we were reliant on them to drive us. We'd be standing by the door in our school/dance uniforms with our shoes and coat on, our bags in our hands, and mum would be running about in jeans and a bra because she hadn't ironed her shirt or brushed her teeth... The only thing we were always on time for was brownies because that was about 50 yards down the lane and they were happy to let us walk by ourselves.

As adults we are both routinely early, because we're so worried about being late! I drive DH insane because I will insist on leaving the house 20-30 minutes earlier than we need to to build up a contingency buffer!

I'm late if I don't really want to be somewhere and can't get motivated to set out. Used to be late for work a lot.

Honestly, I think I lie to myself about how long it's going to take me to get out of the house and get where I'm going.

If I really really need to be on time for something I will leave ridiculously early. I am the person at the airport an hour before check in opens.

Yep. I bet if someone told the latecomers they were getting a million pounds if they turned up at say 3pm on the dot they would be there.
Passive aggressive imo. I'd do what pp do and wait say 10-15 minutes then leave and do something else.

I really don't get all these people who say they are continually late for work or admit to leaving people waiting just because they cant get out of bed or don't want to be there. It's so disrespectful. How you have managed to hold down a job long term is baffling.