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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you're always late, can I ask why?

568 replies

CulinaryUnderbelly · 13/05/2018 14:14

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else Angry

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

OP posts:
RainbowGlitterFairy · 13/05/2018 15:07

DH makes me late. He faffs and gets in my way and suddenly needs to ask important questions or tell me things, or announces he needs to nip to the shop before I go (because DD hates the shop so its easier to shop without her) or asks if I have seen such and such which DD by the way needs for school today. I try to make sure I am ready for work and out the door just before he gets up, even though that means I'm often half an hour early.

BlueJava · 13/05/2018 15:07

It would piss me off so unless I really valued the friendship I'd ask myself why I hang around waiting for them. The only person I take this from is my MIL (so as not to cause a problem for my OH). She will arrange to come for lunch, maybe she'll turn up as 1pm... or maybe 10pm. I just continue the day as normal if she's late but serve her quiche and salad (or whatever is easy) when she arrives. She has been really put out in the past that we've eaten already but with a window that big there's nothing I can do.

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/05/2018 15:09

I used to work for a counselling service.
The people there were a bit batty but lovely.
I remember in a meeting someone discussing being late to her own therapy. Her therapist had sat her down, looked her in the eye and said 'so at what point did you decide you were going to be late?'

Grin

its true though.

pigeondujour · 13/05/2018 15:09

Sorry but anyone who thinks their company is as important as a plane or a million quid deserves to be kept waiting for ten minutes or so to sort out their perspective.

Hazandduck · 13/05/2018 15:10

@53rdway are you me?

I try so hard, sometimes I feel so bad about how late I am getting somewhere just before I go in I could cry. I do care but I feel like I have to try so much harder to be organised than people who just seem to breeze punctually from place to place and have their shit together. For a few years I was very punctual at work, but even that has slipped in the last few years. And I definitely am not doing it because I don’t value other people. I just find it so hard to organise myself, as do my siblings, and I definitely blame our upbringing.

Jaxhog · 13/05/2018 15:11

Consistently late people just don't care enough about other people to make the extra effort required.

I understand that some people are not well organised, struggle to get off on time. But surely, they realise this and start earlier? Or develop coping mechanisms to ensure they aren't always late? They would if they really cared about it, but they don't. Unfortunately, the rest of us let them get away with it too often.

MrsMozart · 13/05/2018 15:11

I'm one of life's late people.

Always have been. For everything, including my own wedding.

I do not for a moment think my time is more precious than others' etc etc etc, it's just me. I can't process the time meeded to do something or be somewhere at a set time. Getting a train scares the wotsit out of me, and a train journey with a connection sends me into Argh! mode. To be anywhere on time I have to concentrate solely on that and will be incredibly early. It's exhausting. My friends and family understand. Clients' meetings - I'm the annoying one hanging around outside the room a good degree too early, because if I'm not then I'll be an incredible degree too late.

I don't do it on purpose. I try constantly to change.

tabulahrasa · 13/05/2018 15:12

“How you have managed to hold down a job long term is baffling.”

I got myself a job where it doesn’t matter if I’m half an hour early or 10 minutes late...

They’re my only times, I can’t seem to calculate on time. I actually prefer half an hour early because then no-one has to wait for me, but people don’t like that either.

shakeyourcaboose · 13/05/2018 15:13

@Triangle I never arrange to meet anyone at specific times any more I just text when ive actually set off for somewhere... and then I dont expect them to be there at that time or be available either.. does this mean you can't ever make plans at all?
Have inherited due to parents a fear of being late, again this only mattered if it was something they wanted to do, was frequently late for Brownies or dancing shows due to lateness. One year actually not being able to perform as had missed so many lessons and rehearsals.

GingerIvy · 13/05/2018 15:13

I'm not often late but when I am it is because of a last minute struggle with one of my dcs due to their disabilities.

I have a friend that is always always late. I am understanding about it as she struggles with the same issue.

I have two other friends from my childhood that are always late - why? Beats me, to be honest. Poor organisational skills? Maybe. Simple miscalculation of the time involved for travel? Possibly. But they are friends, and I accept them for who they are and work around it.

53rdWay · 13/05/2018 15:13

Even those with quite significant sn can have strategies put in place to help them with planning.

Well done for ignoring my very next sentence, in which I explained putting those strategies in place myself!

(and yes I have missed trains and planes before, sigh.)

QueenOfIce · 13/05/2018 15:15

My friend is like this, is in a job in top management and so is always on time for meetings etc but always late for friends, dates etc. It's infuriating especially when she's an hour late and with a wave of her hand laughs it off 'oh I'm sorry Queen you know what I'm like hehehe'

I now don't bother to get ready until she's due to arrive and so it works out ok.

SaucyJack · 13/05/2018 15:16

I'm usually late for stuff. I don't really like getting dressed and leaving the house, so I put it off until about five minutes past the last minute. I'm just tired all the time- it's not a reflection of whether I like the person we're meeting or not.

I am trying to be better on occasions when it's important to the other person, so I do try and get stuff like a clean outfit or birthday present ready the day before.

GingerIvy · 13/05/2018 15:16

Even those with quite significant sn can have strategies put in place to help them with planning.

I can put all sorts of strategies in place, but that doesn't mean my children will follow them. SNs can be challenging and strategies don't always work.

Tillytrotter123 · 13/05/2018 15:16

I'm always late at the moment as I have an 8 week old baby and as soon as she's in her car seat she either needs changing or is sick etc, then I have to unstrap her and start over again after. If I'm just going to someone's house I don't worry too much but it's still early days so I'm sure it will settled down and I always apologise. Before I had my baby I was never late unless there was unusually bad traffic but even then you set off early to allow for it.

soggydigestive · 13/05/2018 15:17

Sorry but anyone who thinks their company is as important as a plane or a million quid deserves to be kept waiting for ten minutes or so to sort out their perspective.

That's not the point though is it, it's about turning up on time if they need to. Except plane missers of course. Nowt wrong with valuing other people and their valuable time though tbh, as much as your own.

shakeyourcaboose · 13/05/2018 15:17

@triangle reading that back that looks a bit start, didn't mean to be so! Apologies!

soggydigestive · 13/05/2018 15:17

To be fair I think having a new baby exempts people from having to be on time Wink

shakeyourcaboose · 13/05/2018 15:17

arsey not start!

Hugsythespacecowboy · 13/05/2018 15:17

I have three children aged 5,3 and 2. If I'm late it's usually because of them. It's like herding sheep, then one of the sheep takes a shit, whilst the other rolls in mud.

BigPinkBall · 13/05/2018 15:18

I had a friend at school who would be 1 - 2 hours late for everything and we used to wait around for her, this was in the days before mobile phones so we’d just be sitting in the bus station waiting, until one week we just didn’t and she was most put out that we’d gone out and had fun without her.

She was also one of those people who couldn’t not say something if it popped into her head, so she’d constantly be annoying teachers by derailing their lessons. I remember one teacher pulling her aside and telling her that we didn’t have much time to get through something important so could she, for once, please just keep her mouth shut - she couldn’t.

We’re no longer friends, I don’t know the reason for her behaviour but in the absence of any other explanation it just came across as self centred and disrespectful.

PistFump · 13/05/2018 15:19

I'm often late and I'm really sorry. I don't believe my time is more important than anyone else's, I'm just horrible at being organised and efficient at getting out the door on time! Blush

Rudgie47 · 13/05/2018 15:19

If the late person had to collect the winnings of the lottery do you think they would be late? of course not.
Unless someone has a real reason, like a disabled partner/child etc, not on a reliable bus route etc, then they just dont care.
They think their time is more important than yours, and that you will wait for them. Thats the bottom line.
Just tell them,if your not on time next time, then I wont be able to meet you anywhere again.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 15:23

shaeyourcaboose well no i cant make firm plans... I dont want to end up letting people down. If someone asks me to something I just say maybe (if they need an answer because its formal in some way or involves timing like a dinner or travel in which they would be dependant on me being there then I say no)
I do still manage to do things with friends but people usually tell me if they are doing something and I just go and join and dont give a time.. so say someone might text me 'we are in the park until 5' and ill go down and see them if I manage it.
I deal with transport by being super super early, like hours early but I have missed some trains and flights before despite that.
I cant really be super early for meeting friends at specific times because thats as rude as being super late.

If im actually already at somewhere I can give people a time to meet because im already there. So I do manage to see people and do things. I just dont ever put myself in the position where anyone is relying on me to be on time because I know theres a chance ill let them down.

What im actually really worried about is when my DC start school...

QueenOfIce · 13/05/2018 15:25

I work backwards as in if I need to be somewhere at a certain time I work backwards so I know what time I need to leave..does anyone else do this?!

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