Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you're always late, can I ask why?

568 replies

CulinaryUnderbelly · 13/05/2018 14:14

Is it because you think your time is more important than the person's who is waiting for you? Or do you just not care that you're going to be late?

I've had this for 15 years with someone and I'm sick of the excuses, like "we had to do X on the way".

The worst time was when they cancelled the night before because they had arranged something else Angry

It would be very difficult for me to not see them anymore, but I would just like to know how people get through life always being late and disorganised. Is it because you're always forgiven?

OP posts:
53rdWay · 13/05/2018 14:32

“I make myself be organised” is like saying “I make myself be confident” though. Some people can do it, some people can’t.

I have coping strategies to manage being very disorganised (which is also mostly because I’m very forgetful). Phone alarms, lists, reminders on the door. They’ve taken a lot of years to develop and they get me pretty far, but they’re still not perfect.

VickieCherry · 13/05/2018 14:33

I'm terrible at judging how long things will take me. I know how long a normal getting ready will take, but anything requiring more time or with complications is quite difficult for me to time correctly.

It annoys me, I hate rushing!

HolidayHelpPlease · 13/05/2018 14:34

I am dyslexic. I seriously struggle with perceiving how long things take, and often tie myself in knots over being late/early because I literally cannot work out how long things take.
I know SEN is not the answer to all lateness but some compassion is always needed when people are obviously distressed at being late again.

YouWereRight · 13/05/2018 14:34

I'm usually late or early, very rarely on time.

I find it hard to estimate how much time has passed, or how long it takes to travel between places or things take.

cardibach · 13/05/2018 14:35

53rd I was talking about the people who just shrug it off without trying to make themselves be on time.

LockedOutOfMN · 13/05/2018 14:35

I am sometimes late. Most people I know are sometimes late and a few are always late. I live in Spain...

yikesanotherbooboo · 13/05/2018 14:36

I am married to someone who is nearly always late because he always underestimates how long getting ready and travelling to his destination will take. He has improved over the years but still cannot realistically work out how long it will take him to complete the required tasks and travel. It is a combination of optimism and poor organisation. It is annoying but I have got used to it.

saoirse31 · 13/05/2018 14:37

Agree with worra.... Its like people who say they have to say why they think however rude...but strangely this need tends not to affect them when dealing with boss or work colleagues or anyone where there would be repercussions for them

So basically it's disrespect, they're telling you their time is more important than yours.

53rdWay · 13/05/2018 14:37

I agree just shrugging it off is rude.

I have a friend who’s always late for things other people organised and is totally relaxed about it. We’ve stated just telling her to be there half an hour before we’re all meeting, that way she at least sometimes arrives when we do.

Raven88 · 13/05/2018 14:37

Because the bus is delayed.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 14:38

Anxiety. Have been like it my whole life and its a running joke amongst friends. Used to be like it at work and lost every job I had because of it but then switched to zero hours job in care and so only had to take shifts I wanted which meant I could factor in how bad I was going to be (can usually tell a few days before if things are going badly for me in terms of mental health) so only take shifts I knew id be able to get to on time.
As ive got older have been more open with friends about my issues which has actually improved my timekeeping as I feel less pressure as people have generally been supportive and understanding.

I have had a couple of people take massive issue with my timekeeping in terms of my friends and they are no longer friends because of it. My life is actually better for that tbh and my timekeeping has got better the more supportive people have been.

I just get massively stressed about changing the situation im in.. ie if im indoors about to go outside ill get a massive wave of anxiety... ill be fine when I eventually get outside but it can sometimes take ages and sometimes I dont achieve it at all.

I think quite a few people who are chronically late suffer from anxiety... I know I have a couple of friends who are similar. And sometimes it can be worse for social situations than it can for work environments (although that isnt the case for me im equally bad in both) because theres more uncertainty about what awaits them.

Original poster
CulinaryUnderbelly · 13/05/2018 14:42

Vickie Can I ask why you're being annoyed because you hate rushing is more important than the feelings of the person who is waiting for you?

OP posts:
treeofhearts · 13/05/2018 14:43

I have dyscalculia and can't really judge how long things will take me. So I'll say yeah I'll be there at 12 and then leave in what I think is plenty of time and glance at my watch about halfway and realise it's already 5 to. But up till this point I thought I was on time.

No one knows I have it apart from my mum. It isn't something I feel the need to tell people and it would just sound like an excuse anyway as most don't even know what it is.

boymum9 · 13/05/2018 14:43

Dh is like this and I HATE it, I think it's rude and disrespectful!! Most disputes we have are related in some way, after 15 years I've just tried to adjust things to take it into account, I honestly don't think he does it on purpose and has real issues managing his time, weird because he's actually super organised and runs a successful business!! I don't know why but he seems to have real issues with working out how long individual tasks will take, he can't seem to work out in his head that is task 1 takes x long, tasks 2 takes x long so he needs to leave by x time to arrive at destination on time. And he just seems to faff, arguments arise when he gives off the impression that "it's ok" which I translate as he's not caring what effect his lateness will have on other people. I think it's rude.

Happyandshiney · 13/05/2018 14:43

If they are 30 mins to an hour late every time that is pretty appalling.

You can’t necessarily change their behaviour but you can change yours.

I don’t wait more than 15 mins for anyone (other than in exceptional circumstances).

You get 15 mins and then I leave or eat or whatever.

There’s very few occasions I’d be prepared to wait an hour.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 14:44

It’s nothing at all to do with the person they are meeting. But it is!

Most people with anxiety and other issues are aware and try to make adjustments, even if that means being early to everything, so as not to lose jobs, miss trains, planes etc.

Anybody who is 'just late' when meeting friends (kids, cats, broken down cars etc excluded) is just rude. Rude because, if they are serial offenders, they don't ever try not to be late the next time. They just wobble on and expect everyone around them to understand, make allowances for them.

But that is never reciprocated... if you say "I absolutely have to be gone by XX time" they are guaranteed to arrive 5 minutes before and be surprised and hurt that you are annoyed and leaving!

It really is being rude... as they too can be on time - when it matters to them!

WeAllHaveWings · 13/05/2018 14:45

there is no excuse for habitual lateness, it is simply rude and I cant abide it. if you do it regularly because you are disorganised you will know this can very easily take steps to resolve it (arrange to meet later, give yourself more time, prioritise being on time over doing something else on the way just because it suited you)

if someone repeatedly showed me such disrespect I'd initially tell them, then I'd leave after 10-15 minutes without telling them I was leaving so they could continue their journey and hang about wondering where I was, then if it continued I would stop meeting them at all.

EdWinchester · 13/05/2018 14:46

We are late for pretty much everything, but then so are our friends so it all balances out.

My parents are early for everything. I find this more annoying.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 13/05/2018 14:48

I'm chronically late for pretty much everything. I'm just absolutely hopeless at saying 'no' because I'm a people pleaser... so I end up horribly over scheduled. I'm also a perfectionist so I end up really struggling to stop any job before it's finished which makes me even later.

TemptressofWaikiki · 13/05/2018 14:48

People who are habitually late really boil my pee. I am so busy myself but ensure I give myself extra time to get anywhere on time. Someone else mentioned that usually chronically late people can still make it to work or to a departure on time. These days, I wait a maximum of 15-20 minutes and just leave for those that have been late before. I will no longer put up with it. It is highly disrespectful. It’s part of a general change in my outlook of no longer being a doormat. I have now got such a lovely respectful closer circle of friends, after ditching the flakes.

Yogagirl123 · 13/05/2018 14:49

I know someone who is just like this, often an hour or so late. Just maddening at times.

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/05/2018 14:49

There is often the assumption on mn that people who are not late have some sort of natural talent for being on time. Those who are late are also somehow naturally inclined to it.

Its not true. Lots of us find being on time, being organised, remembering stuff very difficult.
It takes a lot of effort to get over that. But its better than letting people down, missing out, your kids missing out, losing jobs, upsetting people etc.

Of course being chronically late is about the person you are meeting. If you cared enough about them you would put more effort in.

I am not talking about people with newborns, abusive partners, sen, etc.

The two people I recall most for their horrible lateness were both outraged when I left them to it.
One left me waiting outside a pub for an hour before I left.
The other left me and the kids waiting in on a sunny day for three hours.

They were both utterly baffled as to why I wasn't there when they turned up.

I do home visiting as part of my job and refuse to do joint visits with any persistently late colleagues.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 14:49

Happy I told my always late friend that I would only ever wait for 10 minutes. She was always incredibly angry if I wasn't there 15 minutes after the arranged meeting time - and never acknowledged that when I said I would leave after 15 minutes she was usually up to 30 minutes late.

She used to say I was too fussy... Yes! That's because I am self employed, timing is important, I always have other places to be at specific times!

We no longer meet, we just drift into each others sphere of being Smile

creamcheeseandlox · 13/05/2018 14:49

My mum was always late picking me up as a child. I was always the poor kid waiting outside with a teacher/Brownie leader etc and I hated it. She is bad at time planning and always left Home at the time I was meant to be collected. Because of this I have become quite obsessed with time keeping and am always early for things. I never want my dc to be the ones last to be picked up as I know how it feels.
It irks me when people are repeatedly quite late as I have friends who are like that.

Even now my dh jokes about my parents time keeping and if we invite them over for lunch at say 1.30 they will rock up at 2.

Original poster
CulinaryUnderbelly · 13/05/2018 14:49

I understand anxiety, been there myself. It's really not an excuse.

I would be more anxious about upsetting someone by being late, rather than my own feelings.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread