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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People annoyed about my wedding

182 replies

14NG88 · 13/05/2018 11:33

Me and my future DH have decided to get married this Summer but this has caused a few problems after telling our parents. We want a small registry office wedding with 5 friends each and no parents or family. My parents love the idea and are very supportive but future DH parents seem to think we should be having a a huge chavtastic wedding involving families and expensive hotels. Does anyone think we are being unreasonable? I've always seen expensive weddings as being very tacky and would rather not bother than have an expensive or pretentious day.

OP posts:
Heismyopendoor · 13/05/2018 11:35

Do you not want your parents there?

Obviously it’s your day and you can do what you want, but I’d be a bit sad if my dd had her friends there but not me :(

LoislovesStewie · 13/05/2018 11:35

It's your wedding, do what makes you happy.

rockshandy · 13/05/2018 11:35

Can't you do the same small wedding but include the parents?

Most parents would want to be at their child's wedding I would have thought. Maybe it would be a compromise.

SharronNeedles · 13/05/2018 11:35

I find it strange you don't want your family or parents there... But that's me. If it works for you then that's all there is to say! If his parents aren't supportive then better finding out sooner rather than later.
Your wedding is your commitment to someone else, it's got sod all to do with anyone else.

FatBottomedGal · 13/05/2018 11:35

It’s your wedding and your decision. I can see why is parents would be upset to not be involved but there’s not really anything they can do about it.

DiddimusStench · 13/05/2018 11:36

Do you think that it’s not expense you’re going to that’s the problem but the fact you’re having no parents or family there? It’s totally your choice but it is rather unusual....

RoseyOldCrow · 13/05/2018 11:36

Your wedding, your choice.

Saying that, I can't imagine having my own wedding ceremony without both sets of parents present.

mustbemad17 · 13/05/2018 11:36

Your wedding, your decision. Me & DP were discussing this if we ever got married...i've made it clear that my idea of a good wedding does not involve a huge ceremony & expensive settings. Nobody else gets a say as far as i am concerned, it's something you & DP decide

calzone · 13/05/2018 11:36

I would reconsider having your parents there.

CarysMa · 13/05/2018 11:37

There's a huge middle ground between 15 guests and a chavtastic wedding though.

There's nothing tacky in itself about inviting 200 people. More guests doesn't automatically mean tacky.

But if you don't have the money then you're sensible not to spend it. I also think weddings are too 'cultural' now. People don't analyse why they're doing it the way they're doing it. So long as you're legally married at the end of the day, you had a wedding imo.

GreenTulips · 13/05/2018 11:37

I think it's a bit mean to tell them they're not invited

Would've been kinder to just not say!

Can you video link?

EB123 · 13/05/2018 11:37

I can understand why they are upset not to be invited to their sons wedding.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/05/2018 11:38

To be honest I'd be pissed off as well if friends were invited to my son's wedding and I wasn't.

MagicFajita · 13/05/2018 11:38

Why not stick to your registry plan but also invite your parents?

I can understand their issue with not being invited tbh.

CarysMa · 13/05/2018 11:38

ps, not inviting your parents is odd. His parents and your parents, that'd be four more. Unless there is a history of abuse or control, I would invite them fgs.

Anditstartsagain · 13/05/2018 11:38

It's you day but as a parent the idea of missing my child getting married hurts. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just you 2 but having friends and no parents it hard.

RadioactiveTeddyBear · 13/05/2018 11:39

I didnt have my parents at my wedding, we are not close and I didnt want them there, it was my and DH's day. We just had 2 witnesses, my brother and DH's nephew, that was it, plain and simple.

Its your day, do as you want, not them.

Jozxyqk · 13/05/2018 11:39

It's your wedding. If you get on with your parents, it would be a shame not to have them there though.

Sashkin · 13/05/2018 11:40

Involving your family in your wedding isn’t chavtastic. Quite the reverse.

Using words like “chavtastic”, on the other hand...Hmm

Bezm · 13/05/2018 11:40

I would be devastated if my child didn't want me at their wedding! It doesn't have to be a big, lavish affair, but it seems very cruel not to have parents there, unless there's a good reason.

ShawshanksRedemption · 13/05/2018 11:40

Whilst it's your wedding day and totally up to you how you spend it, I think you also need to understand that your future-in-laws feel snubbed by it by not being invited. It's very unusual not to have parents at a wedding, and they may feel very hurt. Have you explained to them why you both don't want the big "do" they had in mind? Could you take them out for dinner as a family celebration after the event instead as a compromise?

Ginger1982 · 13/05/2018 11:40

Why don't you want your parents there?

Flexoset · 13/05/2018 11:41

I think they are BU if they want you to have a massive wedding and you just want a very small one.

But I think it is harsh to exclude your parents from your wedding if you generally have a decent relationship with them. So on that issue then you are BU (unless there's going to be a massive drip feed about how toxic your relationship is).

jaseyraex · 13/05/2018 11:41

Have the wedding you both want. Don't try to please anyone else. All I'd reconsider is inviting parents to the registry office too, if they don't like the idea then they don't need to go but at least they've been invited. I got married in a registry office. My mum and dad were there, the rest were close friends. DH parents didn't come at all.

PortiaCastis · 13/05/2018 11:41

I'd be very pissed off if dd didnt invite me to her wedding when friends were invited