People annoyed about my wedding

[14NG88]

Me and my future DH have decided to get married this Summer but this has caused a few problems after telling our parents. We want a small registry office wedding with 5 friends each and no parents or family. My parents love the idea and are very supportive but future DH parents seem to think we should be having a a huge chavtastic wedding involving families and expensive hotels. Does anyone think we are being unreasonable? I've always seen expensive weddings as being very tacky and would rather not bother than have an expensive or pretentious day.

"However as you are actually planning on having ten guests at your wedding, then that seems like either there is a huge backstory involving your parents or hugely disrespectful towards your parents."

This ^^

Seems odd that the OP has disappeared. Or is this a wind up thread?

And the OP doesn’t come back. Typical.

Im getting married next year and will not be having my parents or siblings or in laws there, however we are only having 2 witnesses and DD. I think that's fine, as we aren't really excluding people, we are just seeing it as a legal ceremony really. To have 10 people and not parents, I can see why they would be offended. We aren't having our parents for a reason though, both sets would try to make it into a big day and pressure us to invite others, and we don't want that.

Really OP? - like really????
I have a DD and a DS (both as yet unmarried).
If either of them treated me and DH like this I would be beyond gutted.
So your precious (and obviously more photogenic) mates are worth more than the people who have loved, and looked after you your whole life?
WORDS F-ING FAIL ME.

When my niece got married last year (we are very close) she had a very small weddng. She suffers from anxiety and only her parents and her DH's parents and brother went to the ceremony. She told me that she would have loved me to have been there, but if she invited me, then her DH's aunts and uncles would have felt left out. I completely respected her wishes and said I was very proud of her for having the wedding she and her DH wanted. But to invite friends and not parents as you're suggesting, OP, seems incredibly unreasonable and downright cruel.

Unless you have reason to dislike/hate them, or they're likely to be an embarrassment! - I think it's a bit mean to exclude parents who'd like to come.

Otherwise, entirely up to you and perfectly reasonable/sensible to keep it small and not costing silly money.

Op long gone so thread pointless

The hugely obvious and important back story drip feed will come soon.

Classic DM fodder.

I do think you are unfair choosing to have friends there over family yes, unless there are significant reasons why. Imagine your child doing this to you. I'd be devastated.

And the OP doesn’t come back. Typical.

They posted a few hours ago and it's a sunny day. Steady on.

my cousin did this. her mum was devastated.

Don't do it OP, it's very mean. It's a real kick in the teeth for parents who I presume loved your DH, comforted him, defended him, supported him, encouraged him and it's because of them that he is where he is.

A party or whatever afterwards does not make up for not seeing their child exchange vows.

I'd never get over it if my DD were to do this.

Surely there's a huge gap between having parents, and even family, at your wedding and ending up with something huge and vulgar with crystal coaches and golden thrones; I'm assuming that's the sort of thing that makes a wedding 'chavtastic'.

Perhaps your parents are agreeing to it OP because they don't want to upset you and make you angry.

Your having ten guests, refusing to have your future in laws at your wedding when they clearly want to be there isn't creating the best relationship with them on which to start married life.

Why exactly are you excluding parents but having friends there?

Why is having family at your wedding "chavtastic"?

A wedding needn't be expensive to include loved ones, surely?

*you're have ten guests, not your

Appalling to have friends but not your parents, incredibly hurtful.

Reverse?

Interestingly I think we are in contact with only one of the "friends" who came to our wedding. No falling out just house moves and drifting apart. Still in contact with all the relatives though.

Your wedding. Your choice. But I just wouldn't be relying on the inlaws to help out with babysitting etc later on if you signal their unimportance in this way.

Unless DH’s parents come with an appalling backstory, this is the height of “our day, our way” self centeredness. You both happen to have 5 friends who are more meaningful to you than parents? It’s just a bloody wedding. You’d really do something so hurtful to DH’s parents over a wedding?

Far from being “cool” and “laidback”, you’re being self-absorbed, selfish, immature. Your parents raised you so at least they’re consistent with their reaction. But it seems DH’s parents think differently.

Won't your DS wonder why his grandparents aren't there?

Your wedding, your choice but I think my parents would be heartbroken if I did not invite them. They would hide it from me but they would be so so hurt.

It is your wedding so your choice, but to say that your parents “love the idea”.
No they don’t.
I can’t imagine any parents who have a reasonable relationship with their children would “love the idea” of not being invited to the wedding - they are just putting on a brave face.
Firmly quash any idea that either set of parents are allowed to have any say what form the wedding will take, but please at least invite them.

Op must be out with these amazing friends

Not inviting your parents but inviting friends instead shows a distinct lack of class. One could say chavvy. Rather like starting threads like this.

You're dripping with contempt for your ILs .Unless your DH shares your complete disdain for them then you're going to have much bigger issues than snubbing both your families on your wedding day.

You can have a small wedding and include parents. I don't blame anyone for having a small wedding though.

I would be devastated and would hate you with a passion.