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AIBU?

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Original poster

People annoyed about my wedding

182 replies

14NG88 · 13/05/2018 11:33

Me and my future DH have decided to get married this Summer but this has caused a few problems after telling our parents. We want a small registry office wedding with 5 friends each and no parents or family. My parents love the idea and are very supportive but future DH parents seem to think we should be having a a huge chavtastic wedding involving families and expensive hotels. Does anyone think we are being unreasonable? I've always seen expensive weddings as being very tacky and would rather not bother than have an expensive or pretentious day.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 13/05/2018 11:42

It’s your wedding, have it whatever way you please - but to invite friends and not your parents (unless there’s some backstory we don’t know about) is very mean.

Lovestonap · 13/05/2018 11:42

It'll be interesting to see how many of these friends are still your friends after 10 years. We have lost contact with quite a few of our friends over the last decade. Our parents are still our parents however.

It is your wedding, but I wonder how you would feel if any future children of yours decided to exclude you from theirs.

Mirrorwriting · 13/05/2018 11:42

Not having parents there suggests estrangement. If they think you have a good relationship then it’s hurtful.

crunchtime · 13/05/2018 11:42

if my kids got married with their friends present but without us i would be devastated.
You can't possibly be surprised that this has pissed them off.

LittleGreySheep · 13/05/2018 11:43

I'd be upset if my DC invited friends but no parents to their wedding. Usually it's the other way round - a small wedding is close family only. A big wedding doesn't have to be expensive - we had an evening-only buffet and disco in the function room of a restaurant and it cost £1500 for 100 people.

echt · 13/05/2018 11:43

I had my wedding without parents. But then it was without anyone except me and DH. To invite other but not parents - just rude.

greenlavender · 13/05/2018 11:44

If my DC eloped to get married, I'd understand (nearly did it myself). If they got married with friends but not us, I'd be devastated.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 11:46

Id consider inviting both sets of parents to the registry office bit... unless there is some reason for not including them like you live very far away from them and theyd have to travel and stay etc or theres issues with divorce (this happened at my wedding and was a nightmare, half of my DHs family did not turn up because we invited his dad... wouldnt have actually invited his dad had we known that would happen but no one told us until the actual day that they were going to boycott the wedding!! so I can see why you might want to avoid any of that type of bullshit)

Its totally reasonable to only have a tiny wedding if thats what you want? And I think its reasonable to not have family at the reception.... my friends did this... just had family at the ceremony then had a big party for friends afterwards (that lasted several days and got quite messy!)

Doilooklikeatourist · 13/05/2018 11:46

I would be very upset to not be invited to my daughters wedding ( or my sons for that matter )
A slightly bigger wedding does not have to be chavtastic , keep it simple and classy

UnicornRainbowFluffball · 13/05/2018 11:46

Neither of you want your parents there? Why?

HollowTalk · 13/05/2018 11:47

I got married decades ago and tbh I no longer mix with most of the friends I invited then.

Piffle11 · 13/05/2018 11:47

Do what makes you happy. I ended up giving in to MIL regarding guest list, and my wedding grew to twice the size and I had to alter the venue to accommodate them all. The problem is that if you give an inch, people tend to try and take a mile. I got married years ago and I still get a bit of a rage when I think of how it wasn't as I had wanted it (and we paid!)

AlpacaLypse · 13/05/2018 11:48

I can't believe your own parents are really happy to not be at your wedding while 10 of your friends are. They're probably being nice about it to your face while crying inside.

Shedmicehugh1 · 13/05/2018 11:49

Keep it small, but invite parents.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/05/2018 11:49

Small wedding - fine. But parents should be top of the guest list.

jugglingsatsumas · 13/05/2018 11:49

Unless there is some huge backstory I think this is so sad. If my daughter decided to elope and get married just as a couple - fine. If she decided to have a small wedding and not invite me I would be so upset.

OakIsBetterTho · 13/05/2018 11:50

I'm amazed your parents have taken being snubbed for five of your friends so well tbh. I would reconsider inviting parents if I were you.

snewname · 13/05/2018 11:51

I'd be hurt if my dc got married and didn't want me there. Small wedding - fine, but you are in effect saying loudly and clearly that your friends are more impotent than your parents maybe they are and I'd be hurt that you felt I was so unimportant in your life.

kaitlinktm · 13/05/2018 11:54

Agree with PP - inviting friends but not parents indicates you value your friends more than the parents who brought you up.

I wouldn't like my DC to have a huge wedding (couldn't afford it) and if they decided to marry abroad, I might opt out and give them the money I would have spent on flights/outfit etc, but not to even be invited is hurtful.

Motherofallbeasts · 13/05/2018 11:56

Its a tough one. My mum is so laid back and always told me to get out there and live my life the way I want but before several long trips away she whispered ‘if you get married call me, please, call me and I will come to wherever you are and just stand outside and I juts want to be there’ and I feel yeh same way about my dc. I don’t care what kind of wedding they eat but please let me come?

And don’t call other people’s weddings ‘chavtastic’ it’s just rude and snobby. A ‘friends only’ wedding is fine if that’s what you want, why be so rude about others choices.

gillybeanz · 13/05/2018 11:56

I'd be upset if I wasn't at my dc weddings, but it's their choice.
I'd still be very hurt, though, especially if friends were going.
But I have a great relationship with my dc, if we didn't, I suppose it wouldn't bother me.
It's your wedding and you should do what you want.
At least you aren't doing a big party and asking for money or presents of your friends and family.

Pandoraphile · 13/05/2018 11:56

"Friends are more impotent than parents" This is a new criteria for wedding guests, I see. GrinGrinGrin

RideOn · 13/05/2018 11:58

I too am surprised your parents are happy for you to choose 10 friends before them. I am assuming then you have a very distant/strained relationship.

For me marriage was when I became part of his family and he became part of mine. If you drew a family tree, a branch would have been added that day! So it made sense that family were prioritised to be there, before friends. I know a lot don't feel like this, but maybe his parents do.

Is this the same for your DP? Is he on good terms with his parents.
It wouldnt be expensive or tacky to allow his (or both your) parents to attend the registry office.

Branleuse · 13/05/2018 11:58

Do you actually hare both sets of parents? Is there going to be a dripfeed here, because in reality, friends come and go in life, even the good ones and its pretty strange and quite a bold statement to do what youre doing

DottieDaydream · 13/05/2018 11:58

Of all the many friends we invited to our wedding, we are now in touch with - NONE.