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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People annoyed about my wedding

182 replies

14NG88 · 13/05/2018 11:33

Me and my future DH have decided to get married this Summer but this has caused a few problems after telling our parents. We want a small registry office wedding with 5 friends each and no parents or family. My parents love the idea and are very supportive but future DH parents seem to think we should be having a a huge chavtastic wedding involving families and expensive hotels. Does anyone think we are being unreasonable? I've always seen expensive weddings as being very tacky and would rather not bother than have an expensive or pretentious day.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouser · 13/05/2018 12:14

It’s one thing to get married, just the two of you (and 2 witnesses) it’s quite another to invite quite a few friends, but not your parents. Unless there’s a history of abuse etc then it’s seems an incredibly hurtful thing to do.

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 12:15

EdmundCleverClogs you old smarty pants. You really have lived up to your name. Thanks for that. I’ll just keep walking over this bridge. 😉

iheartmichellemallon · 13/05/2018 12:15

That just seems unnecessarily hurtful & nasty to invite 10 friends but not your parents? I don't actually understand why anyone would do that unless there was some horrendous abuse / estrangement involved (& that seems very unlikely to be the case on both sides).

I honestly think it's a very bad omen for the future of the marriage if you think so little of family generally, why even get married?

Have a small wedding but invite the parents - 14 people rather than 10.

AntiHop · 13/05/2018 12:15

If a member of my close family was getting married and I wasn't invited then I'd be very offended. Unless we had a acrimonious relationship.

And yabu for using the offensive word chavtastic.

GreenTulips · 13/05/2018 12:16

Why have you referred to your parents as 'people' in the tittle?

Ohmydayslove · 13/05/2018 12:17

Honestly op of your parents love the idea of not seeing you get married then they are as strange as you sound.

I image your inlaws are hurt as most normal parents would be at not being invited to their own child’s wedding when random friends are invited.

I would think your wedding sounds more ‘chavtastic* to be honest as it’s very bad form to do this and rude and disrespectful to both sets of parents although I suppose there will be s massive drip feed.

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/05/2018 12:17

You lost me at chavtastic.
It sounds like you care more about bridzilla virtue signalling your superior taste than you do about hurting your family.

Everyone is right of course, its your choice.
Just sounds like your choice is more based on the image you want to project than anything else.

Enjoy your incredibly tasteful wedding. I am sure the knowledge that you did it better than the plebs will sustain you in years to come

Flowers
AnnieAnoniMouser · 13/05/2018 12:18

Edmund unsurprising to see that the hateful attitude extends beyond ‘chavtastic’ weddings...these things do seem to attract a lot of attention don’t they...

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/05/2018 12:18

PositivelyPERF, the op may well just be an arse, either way they’re just too full of nonsense for a nice Sunday lunchtime Grin.

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 13/05/2018 12:19

Most people I know who've had small weddings do it the other way round - the smallest I've heard of involved the couple and their respective sets of parents but no siblings/other guests. Another friend of mine had a wedding with immediate family only - around 12 guests, including parents, siblings and siblings' spouses. Then a bigger party for friends.

I would feel very hurt and snubbed if I was the parent. I would be concerned about why you didn't want me there.

MissClareRemembers · 13/05/2018 12:20

OP your thread about same sex parents mentions your DS. Is your son invited to your wedding?? No mention of him here...

Whattheactualfuckmate · 13/05/2018 12:20

I’d happily have done that but DH wanted his folks there - so we booked a wedding abroad thinking they wouldn’t come and then spent two weeks with every fucker and his new bird plus both sets of in laws .

Never again

Luisa27 · 13/05/2018 12:21

Unless you aren’t close / actively dislike both sets of parents (in which case fair enough) - it seems very mean spirited not to invite them.
Can’t the parents be invited too ?

Yukbuck · 13/05/2018 12:22

I think it's really upsetting that you're happy to have 10 friends but not your parents. This and the fact you are calling larger weddings 'chavtastic ' sums up your personality. How people want to spend their wedding days is up to them and I don't think it's for you to state they are chavvy.

Also- unless there is a huge back story in which case yabu for dripfeeding.. then I can't think of any reason why you would invite that many friends and no parents.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/05/2018 12:22

I'd be rather hurt if I told my parents they couldn't come to my wedding and they were totally cool with it.

Yabu unreasonable to think that any wedding with more than 10 people is both chavtastiv and pretentious and soeaks a lot about your narrow world view. Yab cruel to tell your parents you're getting married but they can't come unless there's a huge drip feed coming

Glumglowworm · 13/05/2018 12:23

You are aware there are more options than just 5 friends and no family or chavtastic humongous party, right?

Im all for having the wedding you want, and if you were only having 2 witnesses I’d say crack on. But inviting ten friends and not your parents, unless there’s massive backstory about how awful your parents are, seems horrible. And I can’t believe you can’t see why that’s hurtful.

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/05/2018 12:23

Edmund unsurprising to see that the hateful attitude extends beyond ‘chavtastic’ weddings

Whatever the op is up to, I think their general attitude isn’t a pleasant one.

LagunaBubbles · 13/05/2018 12:23

The your wedding your day your choice posts are true but our decisions and choices do affect other people we have relationships with. Unless there are difficulties in your relationship I don't get why you would invite friends and not your own parents. I would be devastated if my sons didn't invite me.

Everexpandingwaistline · 13/05/2018 12:23

Has the op left the thread?

Haffdonga · 13/05/2018 12:24

There's a difference between huge and expensive and inviting your parents.

Whether your wedding is ten friends in a RO or 1000 guests in a palace not inviting your parents and in laws is hugely significant and sends a message that for whatever reason your parents are not important to you.

Perhaps they aren't important to you. Perhaps they are toxic and there's a great big back story that you're going to drip feed (or not) later. Perhaps you just don't like them or don't really care about their feelings. Whatever your reasons (and they may be very good ones) not inviting your parents is a big Fuck Off to parents and in laws. If you want to start married life that way - go for it.

MinaPaws · 13/05/2018 12:25

Unless you have a really unhealthy relationship with them, I;d include the parents. Cruel not to. They raised you. One of their deepest hopes for you will probably have been for you to find a happy, strong long term relationship. I'd be gutted if either of my DSs married and didn't invite me. I'd feel the same abotu siblings too, unless you're not at all close. But keeping it small and cheap is a brilliant idea. No need for hotels and favours tat. Register office and pub is fine.

echt · 13/05/2018 12:26

OP posts startling scenario.... OP doesn't come back Hmm

GorgonLondon · 13/05/2018 12:28

We had only our parents and our children,, no one else. I don't think there's anything wrong with having no party or few guests but it does seem very odd to include friends but exclude parents presuming that you get on ok with them

topsyandtimison · 13/05/2018 12:31

Does anyone think this post is not real? Something not adding up here...where has the original poster gone? X

HolyShmoly · 13/05/2018 12:31

We got married on a beach with the two of us, a celebrant and a photographer. Both of us are really close to our families but they are big families so having a small wedding was never really an option unless it was super-duper small. We did the registry office separately with two friends and their partners, went for lunch and a few drinks with them but it was a fun day out, not what we class as our wedding.

I'd find it odd having friends but not family, unless there was a reason for it.

Sneering at other people's idea of a perfect wedding is never going to win you friends though.