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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no to summer holiday childcare even though she'll have to pay someone else

473 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 07/05/2018 18:57

We have a neice who is 7 (she is DH’s brother’s little girl). Over the years we have looked after her quite a lot during the school holidays or when they have no other childcare. Her parents (who have been split up for some time) are always skint, and are vocal about this, which is one of the reasons we help out.

I don’t really mind looking after her, I only work 3 days a week and my own DD (5) gets on really well with her. I was on maternity leave last year and in the summer holidays I watched her 2-3 times a week, every week. I think it’s important to point out that there has never been an offer, from either parent, to look after our DC in return. when the schools are off DD goes to holiday club for £26 a time (on top of £50 a day Nursery fees for DS).

Ex-SIL is now a student and, like BIL, terrible with money. She blew her student maintenance grant on investing in Bitcoin (after it crashed) and on designer clothes for her DD (which are now being flogged on Facebook). She asked me to look after DN in the Easter holidays, to which I said yes and did so on my days off. She wasn’t at Uni but works in retail on a casual contract so was ‘desperate’ (her words) to work and earn some money.

When she came to collect her on the last day I looked after her, she was bragging about how her parents are selling their house and giving her her inheritance early, and how she is going to take her DD on 4 holidays (including one to Dubai) and put her in private school.

She does have a form for huge exaggerations so I’m not sure if this is true or if she will get the amount she claims she will (£200k). I'm not sure when this money is falling into her lap.

She has text today asking if she can ‘book us in’ now for summer holiday childcare, and said it would be easiest to know which Mondays and Fridays (my days off) I can’t do and work it that way.

WIBU to tell her to FOTTFSOFAFOSM? This may sound petty but I don’t see why some of us should have to pay through the nose for Nursery and holiday clubs, when she apparently has all this cash to flash yet wants us for free childcare. Like I say I don’t mind looking after DN, but it’s restrictive as we have to stay in the house (rural and car not big enough for 3 car seats), I make her breakfast lunch and dinner (paid for by us) and if we do somehow make it out we pay for activities, suncream, ice lollies etc. Not a penny is ever offered (but I don't begrudge it either). Are they (I include BIL in this because, whilst Ex-SIL orchestrates it, BIL is hardly forthcoming with gratitude or help) a pair of CFs, or am I being childish?

I won’t really to her to fuck off but I do feel like replying to say sorry can’t do any childcare at all in the holidays. It hasn’t been agreed beforehand BTW, I think they've assumed because we’ve done it every year for the last 3 years, we'll do it this year.

OP posts:
neighbourhoodwitch · 07/05/2018 19:16

omg!! you're so not U!!!!

GreenTulips · 07/05/2018 19:18

I'd say no aswell

I have the holidays off and have come across plenty of CF

One invited me in for a cuppa then got her diary out so we could come-ordinate her childcare

Send her links to the holiday clubs

UrsulaPandress · 07/05/2018 19:19

Please say No.

Marmaladdin · 07/05/2018 19:20

Hell no YANBU. I'm a SAHM atm and I don't look after anyone but my own DC. We take a hit financially so that I can stay home (or work pt when I worked) and the plus side of that is freedom to do what I want with my own DC in the school holidays. No way would I be stuck at home due to someone else's child.

DalmatianDots · 07/05/2018 19:20

Can’t believe the cheek!!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2018 19:20

I agree with sending the message by Imchlibob

Petalflowers · 07/05/2018 19:21

Not sure what FFOT... means.

However, course you can say No.

Sure SIL and BIL can work something between them.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2018 19:21

She is a CF, and you sound so nice, and she has taken advantage of you big time. I would tell her that you are not able to look after her dd in the Summer as you are busy. Or as somebody has said, ok, let us know when you can have dd.

sparkleandsunshine · 07/05/2018 19:21

Say nooooo! She’s treating you like a doormat! Book you in! Like you’re some sort of free service she can have whenever she wants! I’d say no sorry you’ve got lots of plans that involve the car and obviously won’t be able to fit 3 seats 🤷‍♀️ Then if your feeling super generous pick one or two days in the summer where you have your niece because YOU want to see her!

80sMum · 07/05/2018 19:22

YANBU. She's definitely being a CF!

As to the school idea, OP, I think your SIL will need a lot more than £200k if she wants to put her 7-year-old daughter through private school to the age of 18 and take her on exotic holidays every year! I would guess at least another £100k.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/05/2018 19:22

You will need to arrange child care for your own dc from now on. X has good childminders. See you at the X. CCDM.

GlitteryFluff · 07/05/2018 19:24

YANBU! At all.

Delatron · 07/05/2018 19:24

Please just say no. No justification or excuses or she'll talk you round.
'Book you in'! So, so cheeky. Don't allow her to get away with it.

babybumpthree · 07/05/2018 19:24

OP please say NO! She is a CF

Cupoteap · 07/05/2018 19:24

Say no and put on your hard hat - they won't accept it quietly

Fromage · 07/05/2018 19:25

Do you want your dcs and dn to have a good relationship, is what it boils down to - and I'm sure you do. So on the one hand you are subject to cheeky fuckery, and on the other you do actually want the cousins to be friends.

I think in your shoes I would give it a lot of thought, do a bit of planning (take your time over this, you can let exSIL know at your leisure, once you've worked it out to your convenience) and pick a selection of days that you are prepared to have dn over to play for the day.

That might be two Mondays and one Friday over the summer holidays. Or just a random Wednesday you happen to be off work. Her childcare issues are not your problem.

If she gets stroppy, say "Uh, um, well I was going to ask you for a loan actually, as you've come into £200k, but I can see this isn't a good time. Anyway, I can send you details of dd's holiday club if you like?"

ChasedByBees · 07/05/2018 19:25

YANBU at all. Quite a cheeky request when you have to use holiday childcare.

Maelstrop · 07/05/2018 19:27

YANBU. Please don’t cave to guilt tripping. It means you’re restricted on being able to go out nc about with your own children and for that reason alone I would say no. Also, she’s an extremely cheeky fucker.

OreoMini · 07/05/2018 19:28

Say NO.

What a cheeky cowShock

And to not even offer you some money on previous school holidays to either cover abit of food/ice creams etc! So cheeky!

Ginger1982 · 07/05/2018 19:28

YANBU. As suggested above, pick a few days that would suit you (if any do) to let DD and DN play together and text her those dates. When she asks why not more just say, it doesn't work for you this year. She has been massively taking the piss.

OreoMini · 07/05/2018 19:30

I don’t mind looking after people’s kids every now and again as I work part time and a lot of the school mums work full time but I wouldn’t want to do it every week, i very rarely ask for favours and if I do it’s the kind were I need you to sit in my house on a evening so I can attend something/go out not all day care. if I wanted to look after more kids I’d give birth to them Grin

Glumglowworm · 07/05/2018 19:30

YANBU

Let them arrange and pay for their own childcare!

Allthewaves · 07/05/2018 19:32

If you like having her. I'd say on day a week and you will need £10 a day to cover costs in advance

CocoaGin · 07/05/2018 19:32

I'd text back and say sorry but "of course, if you can tell me when you can have mine, then I can work out my days off and tell you when DN can come to us".

vdbfamily · 07/05/2018 19:32

Why not reply with something like ' I was wondering if we could have a reciprocal arrangement this summer where we do a day each to give us both a break but allow the kids to enjoy each others company's and see what she comes back with. I was the SAHM when kids were little but if friends needed childcare they would normally offer to reciprocate or buy some flowers or treats or give me a voucher .

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