To say no to summer holiday childcare even though she'll have to pay someone else

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

We have a neice who is 7 (she is DH’s brother’s little girl). Over the years we have looked after her quite a lot during the school holidays or when they have no other childcare. Her parents (who have been split up for some time) are always skint, and are vocal about this, which is one of the reasons we help out.

I don’t really mind looking after her, I only work 3 days a week and my own DD (5) gets on really well with her. I was on maternity leave last year and in the summer holidays I watched her 2-3 times a week, every week. I think it’s important to point out that there has never been an offer, from either parent, to look after our DC in return. when the schools are off DD goes to holiday club for £26 a time (on top of £50 a day Nursery fees for DS).

Ex-SIL is now a student and, like BIL, terrible with money. She blew her student maintenance grant on investing in Bitcoin (after it crashed) and on designer clothes for her DD (which are now being flogged on Facebook). She asked me to look after DN in the Easter holidays, to which I said yes and did so on my days off. She wasn’t at Uni but works in retail on a casual contract so was ‘desperate’ (her words) to work and earn some money.

When she came to collect her on the last day I looked after her, she was bragging about how her parents are selling their house and giving her her inheritance early, and how she is going to take her DD on 4 holidays (including one to Dubai) and put her in private school.

She does have a form for huge exaggerations so I’m not sure if this is true or if she will get the amount she claims she will (£200k). I'm not sure when this money is falling into her lap.

She has text today asking if she can ‘book us in’ now for summer holiday childcare, and said it would be easiest to know which Mondays and Fridays (my days off) I can’t do and work it that way.

WIBU to tell her to FOTTFSOFAFOSM? This may sound petty but I don’t see why some of us should have to pay through the nose for Nursery and holiday clubs, when she apparently has all this cash to flash yet wants us for free childcare. Like I say I don’t mind looking after DN, but it’s restrictive as we have to stay in the house (rural and car not big enough for 3 car seats), I make her breakfast lunch and dinner (paid for by us) and if we do somehow make it out we pay for activities, suncream, ice lollies etc. Not a penny is ever offered (but I don't begrudge it either). Are they (I include BIL in this because, whilst Ex-SIL orchestrates it, BIL is hardly forthcoming with gratitude or help) a pair of CFs, or am I being childish?

I won’t really to her to fuck off but I do feel like replying to say sorry can’t do any childcare at all in the holidays. It hasn’t been agreed beforehand BTW, I think they've assumed because we’ve done it every year for the last 3 years, we'll do it this year.

You sent AND wine into the bargain...liking your husbands style there...

@Chapterandverse

I think the way your SIL behaved was outrageous and selfish. The UK really lacks the appreciation and mutual courtesy that exists within families elsewhere in the world.

CalF123 why should the op spend her hard earned money on three meals a day for her dn as well as sacrifice days out because she can't fit them all in the car? Why should her dc lose out so that she can provide free childcare?

CalF

The OP works part time as her own financial sacrifice in order to spend more time with her own children. Why should she allow SIL to have free childcare so that she can go to work, when the sacrifice was for her own children, not her nieces?
She has already said she doesn't mind looking after DN every so often but constantly isn't fair on anyone. It's not the OP's fault that S and BIL are financially irresponsible, why should she lose out to allow them to continue in this manner? By offering more free childcare she is enabling them and they need to sort themselves out.

oops I got distracted writing my post I now see you have already sent your text..

Oh give over Cal; the ex SIL isn't some noble soul without 2p to rub together. She's got an inheritance big enough to brag about and is still expecting free childcare from her ex relatives. A bona fide CF!

Well done op!!

Let us know what she says

@BlueNeighbourhood1

Presumably public transport exists in the OP's part of the world which would allow her to take her DD and DN on days out. Alternatively, there are weekends.

What a cheeky fecker! ... I'm a sahm and often get asked to have other people's kids . I mostly say no unless I really like them . 😬

That's a bloody great generalisation there cal! Could be interpreted as you being a GF on a global scale.

Apart from anything else looking after other people’s kids on a regular basis is just not that fun. YANBU.

I’d laugh at any family member expecting me to have set days every holiday to look after their children. An emergency sure or would you mind once or twice in the holidays you can pick the days sure. However asking me to have them two days every week, nope I stay at home (and do unpaid work where I can take my children) to make sure I’m here for my children. It’s the parents responsibility to have actual childcare.

CalF123 you are a cheeky fucker to expect free childcare from anyone. Talk about entitled!
Lucky your not my SIL as you would get a no without a second thought.

Why should the op make her life harder getting public transport and spending extra money when her mum can’t offer anything back?!

Well done op. Good text

@OreoMini

The mum can't offer anything back because she is a full time student trying to make a better life for her DD, who doesn't have a pot to piss in by the sound of the OP.

It’s so hard to muster up the courage to be firm with CFs, but when you do they tend to back down. It pays to go in strong from the outset.

Don’t let her take you for granted any longer, enough is enough, she is clearly a cheeky fucker and an user of the first order.

Excellent text OP , hopefully she doesn't leave it to the last minute to book someone to provide care.

Well done op, can't wait for the whining text back !

She is spectacularly cheeky - I cannot wait to see how she tries to persuade you to do as she wishes!!

TBH she is unlikely to afford private schooling for her child + 4 holidays on £200k. Private schooling costs atleast £225k (15 years at £15k per year) plus the uniform, bus etc and holiday. So she is likely to be talking cr@p.

I would reply 'Sorry I haven't sorted which days I have off over the summer yet. Maybe we can work out if we have DN one day a week you could have DD one day a week?'
That would be reasonable and if the deal is not reciprocal just say you are busy.

Hahaha at CF EX-SIL and deluded CF on this thread.

CalF123

So she can’t offer to have OP kid back ever ? For a sleepover or to spend time with her niece since you think it’s so important for them to bond