Told DH I've been having Botox for a couple of years and he's livid

[Pooshy]

Last night we were at the neighbours and had had a few drinks, and I was chatting to a friend who told me she'd had Botox

I then told her I've been having it for a while and at that point told DH

I haven't told him before as he's made some judgy comments in the past and I thought he'd react badly

He's so annoyed with me for not telling him that he won't speak to me

Is it that bad what I've done?!

Depends. Would you be okay if he were taking anti depressants or lithium for mental illness without telling you, say? People have different boundaries in their marriages for sure and some people think that sort of thing is a must share.

As the mental illness could potentially affect relationship with a partner that might be a different story. Not sure how the OPs botox has any relevance to her DH whatsoever. Evidenced by the fact that he was none the wiser for two years

Not sure where I've got 2 years from!! some time I believe anyway

If someone doesn't like how they look enough to have painful treatments, that suggests some mental anguish that maybe the DH was embarrassed he hadn't picked up on, or it could even be body dysmorphia.

Cosmetic botox is not painful!

I can safely say I don’t have body dysmorphia OR mental anguish. I just like having less wrinkles.

Hi OP. Sorry you're OH is being a dick about this. I've been having botox for 4 years, haven't told my DH and he hasn't noticed - though others have.

I started out doing it without him knowing as I thought he'd tease me about it. Then after a while it became proof that he hardly notices me (ditto new hair/clothes/makeup etc).

I am mildly amused/irritated by people using this thread to air their self-congratulatory moral high ground about Botox use (which was not invited by OP). If you don't like it walk on by. Judging women for using Botox is as bad as judging women for allowing themselves to age without the use of cosmetic treatments.

My husband wouldn't be happy at all if I had it done, he actually dislikes anything that's done just to make yourself look different or better, he just likes it all natural. And I wouldn't even leave the house without make up! In a way I'm happy that he doesn't think that women need to do all that stuff to look good but I would love to make myself look better if I could. Unfortunately I do worry about things going wrong and don't have money to waste..

judging women for allowing themselves to age without the use of cosmetic treatments
is that a thing?

Of course it’s a thing. You only need to look at crappy women’s mags where they are delighted to publish pictures of women aging “badly”.

Why do we have to judge women on their choices?

Irrespective of what you think of Botox, I would expect my dh to be pissed off I had been undergoing a medical procedure for years and he only found out when I was telling someone else at a dinner party.

soggy it was suggested by at least one other poster that the reason women use Botox and other cosmetic treatments is society's expectations/misogynism that women are less valuable as they age because their looks degrade and therefore they are expected to try hard (harder than men) to maintain a youthful look.

Effectively: they only do it to please other people/adhere to the expectations of society.

It’s not dialysis.... to those who have it it’s little more than a haircut, truly

I see. Well sadly botox isn't going to make people think women are less valuable as they age, unless their only value is in their looks/sexual currency.
I get that people might have it to feel they look 'better' as per societal norms. I think the problem occurs later when the rest of their face starts to melt and proper ageing takes hold, as they haven't had that gradual preparation that slowly wrinkling brings.
Ultimately a futile battle imo. But up to them. In any case I was just pointing out that there are some potential side effects and dangers which are quite scary. Certainly more than a haircut pleasebeafleabite

You are really thinking about this too deeply - it’s a case of some women choosing to spend their money on what pleases them at a point in their life. They look better feel better win win

As someone pointed out up thread colouring hair can cause adverse reactions. Should we not bother with that in case turning grey is a shock

I do agree though that botox should be administered by a dermatologist

I actually want to try Botox now thanks to this thread.
I have deep frown lines ..would it eradicate them or just make them less noticeable?

Mzcracker - it just makes your skin look a little more smooth and less lined. I go for quite a subtle look. It's enough for people to tell me I look well (despite having two small kids), but not for anyone to actually notice

I look better rested basically and more fresh faced

OP - I've been having forehead Botox for about 3 years, about twice a year and my DH has no idea. If he's noticed it on the bank statements, he probably just thinks its a course of facials or massages or something . I'm not averse to telling him, I just never really felt the need - just as I don't feel the need to tell him if I go to the hairdressers to have my hair coloured or go for a pedicure. Similarly, I didn't tell him when I had laser hair removal. I'd always waxed anyway - one day he commented I was very smooth, so I told him I'd had it lasered and he didn't really seem to register the difference between lasering and waxing. Do what makes you feel good about yourself and makes life easier.

Plus, to all those who are horrified by Botox - it doesn't hurt a bit, takes 5 mins, it's super effective and if you don't like it it's worn off after a few months anyway. Who wants frown lines if there is no need these days? It's no different to colouring your hair - people do it simply because they can.