Told DH I've been having Botox for a couple of years and he's livid

[Pooshy]

Last night we were at the neighbours and had had a few drinks, and I was chatting to a friend who told me she'd had Botox

I then told her I've been having it for a while and at that point told DH

I haven't told him before as he's made some judgy comments in the past and I thought he'd react badly

He's so annoyed with me for not telling him that he won't speak to me

Is it that bad what I've done?!

What's it got to do with him exactly?
You can get it done in the salon at the same time as getting an eyebrow wax near me. It's so common people are nipping out to get it on their lunch breaks.
Would you tell him every time you get a wax and tint or a facial?
It's the same thing essentially and he's being a dick.

The issue isn't the botox. It is the disrespect of telling him something that you knew he disapprove of in public when you have kept it from him.

That would piss me off mightily. It also carries with it the manipulative overtone that you deliberately chose to tell him in public BECAUSE you knew he'd have to curtail his reaction. That may not be the case -as you say you were drinking - but it's not unreasonable for a person on the end of that to think it was a nasty manipulative move.

The right thing to have done would be to tell him I want this. I know you don't like the idea but I'm paying for it so I'm going to get it done. I don't want to argue about it. Finished.

I think he's entitled to be annoyed with you and that would be my view whatever the subject matter was. It's shitty to conceal things you know someone objects to AND then announce it in front of other people.

Apologise and explain why you did this. Personally I doubt its all to blame on the alcohol and suspect there is an underlying power struggle.

so all the posters who are saying Botox is a poison, I assume you never drink any alcohol, or take any medications. ??

because all of them are poisons.

Or are you only getting your knickers all twisted because you are misogynists and don't like women doing something to make themselves look younger?

Steroids is a stupid comparison. Steroids are illegal drugs except in pharma quantities, prescribed for illnesses. Botox is given in minute amounts which are safe.

I think the main problem with the cocaine and steroids analogies are that they are ILLEGAL when used as described. Botox is not.
Would I have a problem with my spouse spending their own money on illegal drugs - yes
Would I have a problem with my spouse spending their own money on a safe and legal beauty treatment - no

Not quite the same thing are they?

If my DH drank in secret, took unnecessary doses of pain killers in secret or snorted cocaine in secret I’d be upset and embarrassed to find that out at a drinks party too.

Not everyone does family money PotteringAlong

STOPSHOUTING
I agree - I think that’s the issue.

Opinions on Botox are irrelevant

Oh the irony of being labelled a misogynist because I don't think women should inject poison into their faces to make themselves look younger.

Vet personally I wouldn’t compare Botox to a leg wax. It’s not the same thing at all.

Yes Botox is mostly safe but there are a whole list of side affects.

Those of you who are comparing taking illegal drugs or overdosing on pain killers and comparing them with Botox are being utterly silly. Just listen to the flaws in your argument.

Come on, get a grip.

Botox is a legal substance.

Would you tell him every time you get a wax and tint or a facial?
It's the same thing essentially and he's being a dick.

Of course it isn't the same thing. To start with it's injecting chemicals into your body which some people fear (rightly or wrongly) may cause complications later in life. It's a semi permanent change to your face - it's closer to bladed eyebrows or tattoo makeup than a facial - which can look odd on some people if done badly. AND (where you are a family with family money) it is far more expensive than a wax.

He doesn't have any right to stop his wife from doing any of these things but he is entitled to have an opinion and he is (As we all are) to the basic respect of your partner not revealing something that is known to be contentious (no matter how unreasonably that contentiousness is) FOR THE FIRST TIME in front of other people. It's bad behaviour.

Are you angry, Queen? It’s hard to tell.

so all the posters who are saying Botox is a poison, I assume you never drink any alcohol, or take any medications. ??

because all of them are poisons.

Completely true. But I drink wine in front of my DH. If I was drinking it in secret and spending hundreds of pounds on it I’d expect him to be pretty pissed off too.

If you’re married surely it’s family money?

On MN only money earned by/inherited by the male is family money.

I have to have Botox in my face to stop spasms caused by my MS this is a little off track but any of you who have it have you found something to numb your face? NHS don’t supply numbing cream I guess because of budgets. It’s just I find it so painful that I dread going.

Also the nasty comments about it being poison are not helpful for those of us that are using it medically

How did he not notice?

There is no irony gamechanger.

But there are a lot of women here who disapprove of any woman doing anything to make herself look a bit better.

The irony is that most of the people bleating on about 'poisons' are statistically, some of the 70% of people in the UK who are fat and killing themselves with food ! And drink, and junk food, and all the rest of it.

f I was drinking it in secret and spending hundreds of pounds on it I’d expect him to be pretty pissed off too.

Why would you want to drink in secret unless he was teetotal and disapproved? Or you had a booze issue?

If he's concerned from a safety point of view, I could understand that given the lack of long-term safety data available for Botox or any similar products. I don't really understand why you wouldn't mention it to him but it's very bizarre that he's never noticed. Every person who has Botox is unmistakable, there's absolutely no way of hiding it.

StopShouting your response to the question seems inflexible and misogynistic to me, perhaps you don't see it. No apology or explanation is required from OP, she has sovereign over her own body and H's opinion or permission on botox was not sought. He could be grown up and get over himself, or he could whine about being the big boss as much as he wants.

If H felt he was made to look stupid (which may not be that hard) he took that upon himself - OP was discussing her experience with her friend, not him.

Of course Botox is a poison. It is extremely toxic. So are most medicines. Alcohol and caffeine are too.

OP does not say what she has had the botox treatment for, but if she can personally afford it and it doesn't impact on the combined finances then that is her choice. Not one I would make, but still her choice.

I suspect the DP is pissed off that he was kept in the dark and feels made a fool of. Understandable. It was a foolish way to reveal it.

Why not just tell him that it is your body, your money and therefore your choice?

It's botulism. Which makes it a little more poisonyy than other things. I mean it's paralyzing your face!

Do you tell him you're having your hair coloured today or does he notice by himself?
Do you tell him you're having your legs done on Wednesday?
Do you tell him you're having any other beauty treatment? I don't mean make a real point of telling him, but mentioning in passing?

Is he worried that Botox is a relatively new treatment so he thinks the long term effects aren't known?

@STOPSHOUTINGPLS fgs give it a rest. It's a cosmetic procedure that millions of people have every day.
Women can do whatever the fuck they like with their bodies. I don't have it done but if I did it's literally no one else's business but my own.

Botox is literally a poison - botulinum toxin. In fact it’s the most lethal toxin currently known to science.

What you do with your face is up to you OP but I would be hurt and angry if my partner was spending goodness knows how much money in secret. Especially so if he decided to tell me this in front of all my friends instead of sitting down and having a proper conversation.

His views on whether or not you should have it are irrelevant - it’s your body. But you need to apologise for telling him like that and be upfront in the future.

I can only imagine the reactions if a poster came to MN and said her DH had been spending hundreds on gold clubs / laser hair removal / whatever without her knowing. In fact I don’t have to imagine - I’ve seen it before!