Told DH I've been having Botox for a couple of years and he's livid

[Pooshy]

Last night we were at the neighbours and had had a few drinks, and I was chatting to a friend who told me she'd had Botox

I then told her I've been having it for a while and at that point told DH

I haven't told him before as he's made some judgy comments in the past and I thought he'd react badly

He's so annoyed with me for not telling him that he won't speak to me

Is it that bad what I've done?!

Tbh if my husband has been spending thousands for several years on X and had deliberately not told me I'd be pissed off. Not about X and not about money unless he was prone to moan about being skint, but because he had deliberately kept it a secret for no good reason.

yoyo1234 - over dramatic

Not at all.

Yo-yo . What's wrong with your marriage that you would consider ending it if he got Botox and didn't tell you. Clearly it's in a very bad way if something like this would cause you to divorce. Would you sight it as unreasonable behaviour when you saw a solicitor?

Op, I also think this wasn't the way to tell him, but his reaction is bizzare. Clearly my attitude would be different to yours, I'd simply tell him to stop being a child and to grow the fuck up, it's just some Botox. Your money, your face, your choice.

Does he often over react and drag things out? Does he often want to know the details of your beauty regime, for example would it be also unforgivable to him and send him into a rage if you dyed your hair and didn't tell him?

Overall, sorry I find his reaction mind boggling.

I'm with you bluntness. I've apologised but expect this will drag on all week

I have an amazing marriage ( could not love DH more and I have no doubt he feels the same to, frequently commented on by friends how loving we are together). However, both DH and I; in a professional capacity; have seen the effects of botulism. For us medical procedures ( short of taking over the counter meds etc) without discussion would not be something we would do ( each to their own). I deliberately did not mention finances etc as DH or myself I believe could happily go out purchase something more expensive than Botox and it not matter to either of us.

I wouldn't have apologised! He doesn't own your body and doesn't get to be angry that you've in some way "snuck this past" his judgement and approval. Its your money and your body, do what you want.

Plus, there is no "lying by omission" - if he said your arms looked good, would you be obliged to list every single thing you've eaten and exercise you've done that contributed to it?

I suspect that what hes REALLY angry about is that you've shown him he's not your boss and that sometimes you make decisions on your own where his input is not required.

I don't understand why you chose to share this with your friend, in the company of your husband who you knew was none the wiser and also against it.

I am not saying you should defer to him and not have Botox. But it was very unwise to announce it in such a way.

"lies upon lies"

Ah, he is milking it now. It's a bit of botox not butt implants.

Whilst, I've not gone down that road (yet) , it's as common as a soya latte where I live. I am almost certain the women I know wouldn't be discussing this with their partners, let alone 'asking for permission'.

He's a hypocrite if he's going on about the Botox but didn't complain about the thread vein treatment.

I wonder if MN would be quite so "your money your body your rights" if this was a man spending thousands on a cosmetic procedure and jist smiling enigmatically every time his wife commented on his improved appearance

"I wonder if MN would be quite so "your money your body your rights" if this was a man spending thousands on a cosmetic procedure and jist smiling enigmatically every time his wife commented on his improved appearance"

Yep, I would, absolutely. As long as its his "fun money" hes spending and not "shared family money", why shouldn't he spend it on that?

Where are people getting the idea she spends thousands a year? It's more likely to be a few hundred.

Lies upon lies? He thinks he's the flipping boss, that's the kind of thing you say to a child. She had a beauty treatment. He should get a fucking grip. She wouldn't have had to lie if she hadn't been (stupidly!) appeasing him.

It's not thousands!! I pay £280 and only need it done once a year. That works out at £23 a month. I only have my hair cut twice a year, never get any other treatments. Hardly high maintenance!

You can spend way more on fancy expensive creams, but creams will NEVER turn back the clock, like a bit of carefully administered Botox.

It does not have to freeze your face. I can still move my face, however, at age 48, I have no wrinkles. My brow still raises, if I wish to express surprise, but it does so without wrinkling.

Nicknacky I think we may go to the same nurse (initials HC)

if this was a man spending thousands on a cosmetic procedure and jist smiling enigmatically every time his wife commented on his improved appearance

Well eh yeah. Plenty of blokes get Botox. Their money their face their choice just like the op. If they don't want to admit to it they don't have to. She earns it she can spend it as she pleases. Doesn't matter what her gender is.

I have no idea how much each treatment is bit after 3 years depending on how often she has it my guesstimate was into the thousands. My point remains that I don't think people would be as forgiving if this was the husband and OP had made some direct comments and he'd evaded the subject. I don', for the record, think he gets a say in what she does to her body but I do think the fact its being on years is ridiculous to have kept it from him

She wouldn't have had to lie if she hadn't been (stupidly!) appeasing him

Yup, this was the critical error. There was nothing to be ashamed of. She should have simply told him from the start, it's not a big deal.

aiming Nope, different nurse!

I spend £200 year and go every six months or so.

The only mistake she has made is ever telling him if this is how he reacts. No wonder she didn't tell him before.

imo people are too blasé about botox nowadays. Although rare, it can have very serious side effects including botulism symptoms. There is also some question mark about whether it can migrate to other neurons and/or to the brain I believe. Therefore he could have legitimate concerns wrt health. People have died from Botox injections, that is a fact, however few they may be.
Also, it can go wrong, with psychological effects from that. So I think he might have legitimate concerns. I wouldn't be overly happy if a partner got it and hid that from me then disclosed it in public.
But you've apologised already OP so nothing more you can do. I hope the hostilities end swiftly.

www.sciencealert.com/more-evidence-suggests-botox-can-spread-from-its-injection-site

I can understand him being cross. I would be most upset if such a thing had been kept from me. Plus the style of telling him/place was really bad. But you know this.

£280 once a year? That's very cheap, most Botox MN threads I've ever seen it's considerably more, and more often.

Depends how many places you are having done, I only get beside my eyes done and she charges £99 for one area. I only get a small dose so that's probably reflected in the price too.

In my 20 years experience it's been at most £500 a year. £250 twice a year sometimes less depending on how quickly it dissipated and what brand was used. All my records are bar coded, my nurse is a nurse prescriber and she is an internationally known Botox trainer. Her knowledge of facial anatomy is excellent, she has explained all the muscles and their effects and the effect of Botox on them.

The OP went and had a procedure done which carries risks as do many beauty and artistic treatments. She didn't tell her old man. He got narked because he didn't hear it first. He's the one with the problem not the OP.