Told DH I've been having Botox for a couple of years and he's livid

[Pooshy]

Last night we were at the neighbours and had had a few drinks, and I was chatting to a friend who told me she'd had Botox

I then told her I've been having it for a while and at that point told DH

I haven't told him before as he's made some judgy comments in the past and I thought he'd react badly

He's so annoyed with me for not telling him that he won't speak to me

Is it that bad what I've done?!

So he's just annoyed about you not telling him? Bit of an odd/over the top reaction from him, but nothing to get too stressed over, you had a few drinks and he probably did too... so if he seems generally fine, not too controlling in everyday life, it would not bother me. But if it is a constant thing, niggling away at you and your marriage, might be time to have a "serious chat" about it.

BTW. I've had Botox myself for migraine and it was fantastic. Be warned though, lots of injections that start in your face but go right down to the top of your shoulder and it's pricey enough. Just eat a box nurofen before you in, if you are like me, and have a low pain threshold.

Regardless of anyone’s view on Botox, it was very wrong of you to tell him something you knew he wouldn’t like, in front of other people. I suspect you did it deliberately, because you knew his reaction would have to be tempered due to company, and also you felt he may be forced to change his bad opinion of it, in ought of this other couple being so chilled about it. That was cruel and manipulative. You should have just told him you were doing it when you first started.

But why is he against it? There could be many reasons and not all of them are bad per se. Maybe he is concerned about health risks, maybe he loves you as you are and doesn't understand your need to change. Maybe he feel it may lead on to something more surgical. Maybe he just doesn't agree with cosmetic surgery. These are all valid points, and yes it is right to say her body her choice, but adults in a relationship should have discussions and be able to raise their fears, concerns, dislikes without being called controlling. Sometimes there may even be a possibility of a compromise a word which plenty of people appear to have forgotten.

@AskAuntLydia

Do you get it done in your face OP? I don't know why, I'm just finding this fascinating. If it works it looks bloody brilliant.

The treatment I had was different - it was like electrolysis. It worked though, the veins have never come back.

@Mintychoc1

it was very wrong of you to tell him something you knew he wouldn’t like, in front of other people. I suspect you did it deliberately, because you knew his reaction would have to be tempered due to company,

...and you think that makes her the bad person?

Botox is used in all sorts of medical procedures do people object to that as well or is just because it's 'cosmetic' that people take issue with it.

The uncontrolled use of Botox in the beauty industry is a concern for many people, which doesn't apply to its use in other licensed indications such as OAB or excessive sweating.

I think you should apologise. Having Botox isn’t the problem, it’s the fact that you chose to tell him about it in front of your friends. I’m sure you didn’t mean to upset him but it was quite a manipulative thing to do. Tell him you’re sorry.

juells I never said she was a bad person. I said what she did was wrong. It’s always wrong to drop a bombshell in company, whether you feel the person’s opinion of said bombshell is right or wrong.

I have apologised profusely for telling him how I did, and not telling him before

Still extremely angry with me though and we are about to have gamily over for a bbq!

lots of injections that start in your face but go right down to the top of your shoulder and it's pricey enough. Just eat a box nurofen before you go in

Not to be picky but nurofen is not advised as you are more likely to bruise. Paracetamol better

Aunt Lydia, I had it on my legs. It's very effective

Tell him you’re sorry Don't you dare OP!

You mustn't be running around having to justify anything of this nature to H. Being 'judgy' and criticising you as you describe is manipulative, however.

The excessive anger is probably a mixture of feeling he looked a twat last night and inner irritation that he hadn’t noticed for two years so not fitting his internal paradigm of the horrors of botox

It's up to you what you do with your body, he's being a judgy arsehole. I can understand him being annoyed that you didn't tell him but he also needs to examine why you didn't and question his own behaviour.

My DSis has had Botox for years.
Probably 10+ her DH hasn't got a clue. He always says he thinks she looks amazing with no wrinkles at her age (45) I think it looks obvious, I asked her once and she denied it.
However, she can't move her forehead at all.
I am sure he will find out one day. No idea how he will react, he has always said he hates the 'Botox look'
oh the irony.

Thread veins on the face can be treated very successfully with lasers over a few sessions

Oh, too late.

What a nasty person he is being, and that's a simple matter of fact.

I'd be very.uoset because Botox is tested widely on animals. I've particularly upset if my partner decieved me, participated in the cruelty behind my back purely for reasons of vanity and then revealed it in a publicly humiliating manner.
If I was you id eat a bit.if humble.pie apologise and do what you said earlier, my body, my money my wishes sorry for the execution it was thoughtless.

@Mintychoc1

juells I never said she was a bad person. I said what she did was wrong. It’s always wrong to drop a bombshell in company, whether you feel the person’s opinion of said bombshell is right or wrong.

Isn't it odd to want to have the protection of other people around when telling your DH something as unimportant as 'I've had botox'? Is he the boss? Sounds like it.

@Plasebeafleabite. you're right, I think it can thin the blood a bit, hence the bruises. Maybe 2 paracetamol is the way to go

Had to do a double take at your title, as my DH found out about my botox treatment last night!

His reaction : he said it's very subtle, and he feels lucky to be married to someone who cares how she looks.

The reason that I didn't tell him, was because I'd had it from before we met, and in the early stages of our relationship, we had been in a group of friends, and one person said they might get botox, and he said something like "yuk", so I felt unable to broach the subject with him. The longer it went on, the harder it was to bring up. Fast forward about 8 years, and I stopped getting it done, deciding to see if I could just get away with regular facials, but after about 1.5 years, it became evident that botox really is the only way to turn back the clock! So, I went along unbeknown to him, and had it done. If course, after having none for 1.5 years, he noticed after about ten days, that I was line free, and did a bit of fishing, and I told him the truth. I also told him, that one of the reasons I didn't tell him, is because whether he noticed or not, would be a good marker of how effective it is!

I suspect that your DH is more concerned that you revealed this in front of people, and he must have felt on the back foot.

Yes, it's a poison, but so is alcohol & fags.... and most things are harmful in excess.

The uncontrolled use of Botox in the beauty industry is a concern for many people

Which people? Can you cite evidence?

I'm not sure what you mean by 'uncontrolled'? Can you explain?

There are different ways to have Botox. Sometimes it's administered by top rate drs- cosmetic surgeons and plastic surgeons, sometimes by dentists and sometimes by 'beauticians'. If I were to have it, I'd go to a doctor.

But that's the same as so many procedures. Hair colouring, ear piercing, body piercing, tatts, thread vein removal.

It's more worrying to be that you didn't feel it was safe to tell him unless you had other people around.
That's not a nice way to feel.

juells it’s nothing to do with protection. Can’t you see that if a subject is contentious, and you know the discussion may be emotive, it’s wrong to raise it in front of an audience?

Say, for example, I was planning to go away for a girls weekend away on my DP’s birthday and I knew he’d be upset about it. I wouldn’t wait till we were with friends, and say oh guess what, I’m going away on such-and-such a date. And that wouldn’t be because i was scared of DP and needed protection. It would be out of respect for him, allowing him to have his personal reaction (whether I considered it reasonable or not) in private.

It's more worrying to be that you didn't feel it was safe

Where does it say that she didn't feel safe?