Told DH I've been having Botox for a couple of years and he's livid

[Pooshy]

Last night we were at the neighbours and had had a few drinks, and I was chatting to a friend who told me she'd had Botox

I then told her I've been having it for a while and at that point told DH

I haven't told him before as he's made some judgy comments in the past and I thought he'd react badly

He's so annoyed with me for not telling him that he won't speak to me

Is it that bad what I've done?!

Op says at 3:45 that she felt safe to tell him with other people.
That would suggest to me she didn't feel safe telling him at other times.

QueenoftheNights

A concern to me and many others I know. The link below is explanatory re. uncontrolled use.
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bbc-investigation-shows-former-nhs-nurses-offering-to-inject-botox-illegally-a6915766.html

Aiming that's very interesting that you had the same situation - wish my DH had reacted as well as yours did- he's still furious now and has gone to bed!

I had a similar thing happen to me, although mine was not in public - I told my (then) DH that I had been having Botox for about 5 years (I had been having it since before I met him) and he went apeshit crazy. He was furious, telling me that I was a fake and that I was vain and stupid and like a stupid person I agreed never to do it again because I was under his thumb.

I didnt do it again whilst I stayed married to him but once he had got himself a younger model and got her pregnant I divorced him and went back to my lovely botox nurse.

It is only now on reading this thread that I feel the anger I should have felt at the time at him thinking he had any say over what I did with my body. It was a sin of omission because I think (just like the OP) that I knew what his reaction would have been. It was all about it being "unatural" and "inauthentic" and "what else had I kept from him?".

I am with the PP who suggested Tell him what you are doing, acknowledge that he doesn’t like it but remind him it’s your body and your money and your decision.

I divorced that CF 9 years ago and have now been having botox for nearly 20 years (with a gap of 5) and I have zero regrets. My face is not frozen, I simply no longer have the frown lines that made me look angry all the time. And, oddly I think the fact that I can no longer frown in that way has made less angry- I like the me I am now much more than the me I was when exDH was around.

It was not your finest moment to tell him in at a party but, meh- it's not like you have done anything to hurt him. Tell him to grow the fuck up and get over it.

He’s probably angry that he had to find out that way - it was not great but you know that already. It’s more the deceit that you kept it from him than the actual act of having Botox I presume.

He will get over it I’m sure!

You can get it done in the salon at the same time as getting an eyebrow wax near me. It's so common people are nipping out to get it on their lunch breaks.

And those people are nuts

I get Botox - I'm not anti Botox. I get mine done in my lunch break.

But I think it's ridiculous to get it done from anyone who isn't a specialist medical professional (ie a consultant cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon)

Having done a 2-day botox course doesn't give you the required knowledge of facial anatomy, the facial muscles and facial nerves. Legally as botox is prescription only although anyone can administer the botox injection, the drug is only supposed to be prescribed for you by a Dr, who is supposed to see you face to face. Very few beauty salons do this. Unless you're actually having a consultation with a Dr, they're breaking the rules (the BBC documentary on iPlayer called The Truth about Botox is worth a watch)

(I get mine from a dermatologist and I'm frigging thrilled with the results. I didn't tell DH before I did it, and we don't really talk about it, but he knows I get it done. He isn't a fan but he says it's my face and as long as I'm safe then what I do is my business.

I'm genuinely puzzled by the complete lack of logic here. There are se real of you paying £££ for a treatment for which you say you'd ask for a refund if anyone would notice it. What kind of lunacy is this? If it doesn't make any difference, why on earth would you bother with it? I'm honestly, sincerely bewildered.

Unless you have a before and after pic side my side, it shouldn't be immediately obvious. If it is, it's been done badly. The aim is to soften deeper wrinkles and make you look fresher. If you go 'whoa look at her botox' then you've had too much

The desired reaction is 'you look really well' - like you've had a good night's sleep. Not 'ooh you've had botox'

OP I understand him being cross about being lied to and then probably felt embarrassed in front of friends. It's your money, your body, your call. Hopefully he'll get over it. Slightly off topic for personal reasons... I'm starting to get a deep wrinkle between my eyebrows (at an angle too) in exactly the same pace as my darling father, I jokingly mentioned Botox to DH and he rolled his eyes and said will you look like one of those real housewives women and pulled the skin across his face tight , it made me laugh, but in all seriousness the wrinkle mainly appears if I'm frowning or very tired and squinting at a screen, but looking at dear old dad it'll be a permanent fixture at some point. It's it possible to have Botox and still have normal facial expressions? I have very expressive eyebrows (I'd be terrible at poker) and don't want to lose that. I'm not concerned about the toxicity as a friend who suffers from extreme anxiety has it in her armpits, as one of her symptoms was extreme sweating , which made anxiety worse, vicious cycle etc. How do i know how much to get, where to have it and whether the salon is reputable? Is there a register of licensed practitioners? Sorry for all the questions. Genuinely intrigued.

I have Botox and my facial expressions haven’t changed at all. I get it every 6 months and it’s done by a registered nurse who does it in an approved clinic.

Not sure if it’s just. Scottish thing but the regulations have been tightened up. She used to come to my house but she’s not allowed to now.

It's it possible to have Botox and still have normal facial expressions? I have very expressive eyebrows (I'd be terrible at poker) and don't want to lose that.

Yes very much so. Good botox shouldn't freeze your face. I have it done and I still have a full range of facial expressions! It's just the deeper wrinkles are softened / finer lines at rest smoothed out (so for example I don't get makeup clumping in forehead wrinkles)

How do i know how much to get, where to have it and whether the salon is reputable?

I would recommend a cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon rather than a GP or nurse. Definitely not a beautician. I wouldn't go to a salon at all - I'd go to a Dr's office

Where depends on which areas bother you, and the aim is to use the least possible - they should start off lighter and top up if needed.

But I think it's ridiculous to get it done from anyone who isn't a specialist medical professional (ie a consultant cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon)

A clinician comes to the salon on specific days and people book to have the Botox done. It's not the same girl that's filing your nails. They also have someone come out and do microdermabrasion sessions.

A clinician comes to the salon on specific days and people book to have the Botox done. It's not the same girl that's filing your nails. They also have someone come out and do microdermabrasion sessions.

That's great if they do. They sound like a terrific place. Many many many salons don't however. They call a Dr over the phone and a Dr never sees them.

If they're a cosmetic dermatologist or cosmetic surgeon they'll have their own private practice, so most treat patients there, rather than coming out to a beauty salon. Drs who come to salons tend not to be cosmetic specialists, but may be GPs who've done a botox course. Not all, but a fair few.

And in many many salons it's the beautician who's doing the injections, rather than a trained clinician. Not all, but a great many

I couldn't tell you much about it since iv never had it done, but it's very popular near me , a lot of women have lip fillers as well that's very common.
Iv had nothing done so I'm no expert but the salon is the one I use regularly and they are really professional.
But like any procedure you need to check the credentials of the person performing it obviously.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'uncontrolled'? Can you explain?

*There are different ways to have Botox. Sometimes it's administered by top rate drs- cosmetic surgeons and plastic surgeons, sometimes by dentists and sometimes by 'beauticians'. If I were to have it, I'd go to a doctor.

But that's the same as so many procedures. Hair colouring, ear piercing, body piercing, tatts, thread vein removal.*

QueenoftheNights - Botox is a prescription only medicine. It must be prescribed by a doctor, dentist, nurse prescriber or a pharmacist prescriber, and may only be administered by an appropriate practitioner.

It is illegal for beauty therapists etc. to order or advertise it and they may only administer it under the direction of a doctor. It is licensed for cosmetic use where there is a psychological need, otherwise its administration is unlicensed.

It’s nothing like hair colouring.

@WiseupJanetWeiss yes, I know all of that. The point I was making is that there are risks with all 'cosmetic' procedures whether it's colouring your hair or having Botox or a tatt. The risks are linked to the person administering whatever you have done. Bleach is not a prescription product but used incorrectly you can end up with a burnt scalp and hair loss. Obviously the beauty trade is getting round loopholes if the only consultation is via a phone call to a dr, but this comes down to the individual making sure they are only having it done by the right person.

The risks are linked to the person administering whatever you have done.

Actually, that's not true. Litigation issues aside, there are also risks associated with the product used. Beauty salons are more likely to use generic products that that have been obtained from disreputable sources and which have not been tested for safety or efficacy. When I have Botox, the bar code sticker from every vial is always attached to my notes so that each injection can be traced to a particular product batch in the event of a reaction - as well as helping to ensure individual patient safety, this is also responsible in terms of broader.

If I told my husband about something I knew he had objections to (you don’t seem to specify what they are, unless I’ve missed that) at a dinner party I’d expect him to be prettt angry too.

You knew the others had also had the treatments when you opted for the safety in numbers reveal. This meant if DH raised objections at the party, which you had a hunch he would then he would essentially be criticising them too, which I assume he wouldn’t want to do.

I suspect being blindsided by his DW rather than the secret Botox itself is to blame. If DH took the same approach I would be very annoyed too.

Tell him to grow the fuck up and get over it.

^^ this. Your husband isn't your boss, and the very fact that you didn't feel OK to mention that you'd had a beauty treatment until you had safety in numbers would make me think that he controls you with his sulks and 'getting annoyed'. So yes, tell him to grow the fuck up and stop trying to control you.

Thank you everyone for your replies

He's still v angry today but we are emailing. He's not that bothered about how it came out, but that I've been "lying by omission", and that I've been telling "lies upon lies" where if he says my skin looks good I haven't fessed up...

OP, your H has a sinister attitude towards your self-determination. I think you are bullied and controlled and the fact that you seem to take this kind of treatment tells me that you have become conditioned to accept it.

What will you do when something actually serious happens involving H? Do you have constructive emotional support available from any normal people that you could look to?

He needs to get a grip. It's a cosmetic procedure not an affair or a gambling addiction. If this isn't a tactic for controlling and punishing you he seriously needs to get some perspective.

Well, you DID lie by omission! I disagree with the two PPs ... it's obviously an emotive topic for many people - including your DH - as evidenced by the opinions on here, so even if you argue it's NBD it clearly is to your DH.
You knew how he felt and lied about it by omission. He's upset, I don't think unreasonably so.

He needs to get a grip. It's a cosmetic procedure not an affair or a gambling addiction. If this isn't a tactic for controlling and punishing you he seriously needs to get some perspective.

This exactly. To be a bit annoyed ok I understand but to still be that angry and not speaking to the op is ridiculous.

NRFT. You are injecting your face with poison. You are not telling a loved one but someone at a social gathering. If DH was doing this ( other than health reasons and only then after discussing it with me) I would consider leaving him. Have my first .