Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD wasn’t unreasonable not to give up reserved seat?

408 replies

jasminajasminda · 06/05/2018 11:26

Dd17 was getting the train from London to Edinburgh yesterday to visit her sister at uni (she’s just finished her internal school year 12 exams, and lessons don’t start again until Wednesday).

We obviously reserved her a seat. She arrived, got on the train, and sat down in her seat. The train was very busy, and a few minutes after the train started moving, a middle aged woman with a walking stick, having apparently wandered through several carriages (dd was in the front carriage) without finding a seat, looked around dd’s Carriage, then came up to her and asked her to move as she needed a seat (pointedly making a big deal of her walking stick). When dd pointed out that she had reserved that seat, and there was no way she was giving up her seat on a four hour train journey, the woman told her that she was young, and therefore didn’t need a seat as much as she did.

At this dd put on her headphones, and listened to music and ignored her. The woman eventually huffed and left the carriage. Dd said that she noticed a few other passengers giving her (dd) dirty looks throughout the journey.

Was dd being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 06/05/2018 11:29

Dd said that she noticed a few other passengers giving her (dd) dirty looks throughout the journey

If they were that bothered, they'd have given up their own seats. Tell your DD there's nothing wrong with not wanting to stand for 4 hours if she had a reserved seat. Presumably the woman could have asked other people more generally, rather than picking on the teenager...

Thiswayorthatway · 06/05/2018 11:29

Were there other seats free? Or did the lady want the one your DD was in?

Smeddum · 06/05/2018 11:30

Personally I think there’s a big difference between technically right (as your DD was) and morally right.

If it was me, I’d have given up my seat. Because I’d rather let someone who needs a walking stick sit, than be right.

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/05/2018 11:30

I presume the woman could have reserved herself a seat if she thought she would need one.

Cornishclio · 06/05/2018 11:31

I would not have said so. I can understand younger people being expected to give up seats on buses where seats cannot be reserved for older people and pregnant women. I have done that myself and I am 58. On a train though where seats can be reserved for long journeys I cannot understand why someone with mobility issues has not reserved a seat. Maybe one of the other passengers giving your DD dirty looks should have volunteered their seat.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 06/05/2018 11:31

Why on earth didn't the woman reserve a seat?

daphneduck · 06/05/2018 11:31

YANBU.

If I had to use a walking stick then I’d be sure to reserve a seat on a train. I’d also assume (having done the London - Glasgow route plenty of times) that it would be a busy train and perhaps standing room only for a lot of the journey

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 06/05/2018 11:32

The lady really should have reserved her seat. If not, there surely would have been seats on the train for those with disabilities / pregnancy. The lady should have looked for them.

Smeddum · 06/05/2018 11:32

Although I also agree that any of the able bodied passengers could have offered up their seats too.

RowenaDedalus · 06/05/2018 11:32

there are specific seats for people who need them due to disability etc and even if you've reserved one of those I assume you have to give them up. I would imagine she asked your daughter because she was a teen and therefore more likely to do what she was asked. The problem is you can never find a member of staff, as Im sure they would have helped in this situation and found one of them somewhere else to sit.

laloup1 · 06/05/2018 11:34

Your daughter wasn’t being unreasonable to want to keep her reserved seat but perhaps she could have offered to find the guard so that they could help the woman find a seat.

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/05/2018 11:34

I have a problem with my back. (Cant stand for very long otherwise back screams at me fir days after) I don't use a stick and I am not registered disabled but on the odd occasion I have needed to use a train for a long journey I damn well book a seat.

EggysMom · 06/05/2018 11:34

Strange that your daughter was the only one she asked ..

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 06/05/2018 11:35

Were there no other seats on the train?

The guard should have been able to help seat the lady if she had a disability.

Byebyebye · 06/05/2018 11:36

Nah I wouldn’t have given up the seat either. On the trains I go on at least there’s always priority seats that aren’t reservable in every carriage so they should have been asked first as I very much doubt that they were all taken by people that genuinely need them.

Seems like it was just a ‘I’m old you’re young move’ situation which is why she didn’t ask any other adult to move.

Vinorosso74 · 06/05/2018 11:36

Your DD was not unreasonable. The train manager should have been able to find the woman a seat. I regularly travel on that route and there are usually odd seats available maybe one carriage was full but there would be some elsewhere.

ittakes2 · 06/05/2018 11:37

Its easy with the benefit of hindsight - but I would have said I have reserved this seat, but I'll help you find another seat or find a conductor to help you find something. To be honest, I could not have let an old lady stand.

MoveOnTheCards · 06/05/2018 11:41

I agree with NoSquirrels, sounds like there were plenty of other people she could have asked/could have offered if they wished to give up their seat.

For a short journey i’d Always offer my seat to someone who needs it more than me, by a journey like that? I’d have booked a reserved seat for a reason.

blackteasplease · 06/05/2018 11:44

Yes plenty of others could have done it if yhey were bothered.

Also surely if they lady really needed the seat she should have reserved.

The best thing that the lady could have done is go and find the guard. there's always someone on long journeys. 99 times our of 100 the guard would have just let the lady with the stick sit in 1st class if there really was no where at all for her to go.

But maybe first they would have checked no selfish person was taking up a double seat!

Weezol · 06/05/2018 11:44

I have walking/standing difficulties so I reserve my seat.
Your DD could well have had an 'invisible' disability herself.

Looks like the woman was a CF who thought that by picking on a young female she would get her preferred seat, and expected back up from other passengers. Why traipse up and down the train otherwise? I'm sure that took way more time and energy than, you know, reseving a damn seat.

YY to what Cornish said - the dirty looks brigade weren't rushing to volunteer their seats were they?

Idontdowindows · 06/05/2018 11:45

a) the lady had no way of knowing if your daughter had a disability herself.
b) I'm one of the invisibly disabled. I reserve seats if the journey is long enough that I can't chance having to stand.

Everyone knows you can reserve seats on the train. So if you need one, reserve one. It's as easy as that.

As for the other passengers: quick to judge, not so quick to stand up for 4 hours themselves eh?

rookiemere · 06/05/2018 11:47

Difficult one. Lady should have asked the staff rather than picking on a passenger. Lady should also have booked a seat. But doesn't sound very nice that your DD stuck her headphones on and ignored her. However not sure what I'd do in that situation - probably have given up my seat and felt resentful scruffing on the ground for the whole of the long trip.

VivaKondo · 06/05/2018 11:47

To be honest, I could not have let an old lady stand.

Except that I would struggle more to stand up than my mum who is in her 70s.
And I’ve known people with a walking stick who struggle w uch less than me too.

The woman ASSUME the Op’s Dd was well (because she was young) and ASSUME that because she was young she HAD to give up her seat.

And She didnt ask anyone else did she? Because the woman with the stick knew very well they would have got the same answer. She should have booked her seat, esp if she has a disability. Or she could have asked the conductor or asked someone sat in the priority seats. Or asked all the other people in the carriage (one of them might not have madethe whole 4 hour journey).
Basically she aimed at whoever looked the ‘weakest’....

ilovesooty · 06/05/2018 11:48

Your daughter seems to have been targeted because of her age.
This wasn't an "old lady"
She could have asked someone else or found a guard to help.

Booboostwo · 06/05/2018 11:49

The woman should not have targeted your DD, unless your DD was sitting on a priority seat and there were no other priority seats available. I've been in a sort of similar situation although on the underground so no reserved seats. I had a walking stick and was in considerable pain so I addressed the entire carriage and asked if there was anyone who did not need their seat and might be willing to let me sit...no one got up!

Swipe left for the next trending thread